Just Released!! Bad to the Bone Memoir
“Let’s get this clear right away: I’m a dog.”
“From shelter-dog reject to beloved pet and popular doggie blogger, Bo Hoefinger’s life has been anything but ordinary.
Join this incorrigible canine as he welcomes us into his life, complete with his wacky “parents,” a constipated feline housemate, and chipmunk warfare.
Bad to the Bone is an unforgettable, laugh-out-loud tale of love and loyalty that reveals the true heart of a modern American family.”
Click here for reviews, upcoming events and book info.
Featured Entry
Ruhh Rowww.
Tell me this wouldn’t suck. You’re chowing down on a particularly tasty tree limb, perfectly aged, perfectly tender when out of the blue you feel the talons of a big bird grip your head and pull you off the ground.
Before you know it, you’re cruising through your neighborhood with a Google mapesque, bird’s eye view. The only thing missing are the street names. The unenjoyable part? A claw, with a hangnail, puncturing the hide behind your noggin.
Soon enough you’ll be dropped off into a bed of pine needles, sky high in a tree. Getting down from there is going to be a bitch. But you know not every day is going to be a cat chase.
Latest Blog Entries
Loose Monkey Outsmarts Humans
As regular readers know, I’m an escape artist.
The technique I now employ differs from what I used as a puppy. These days I walk to the back of the yard to a spot outside of my parents’ view, and dig under the fence. My paw claw takes two or three strokes, then stops. I look around and make sure I’m not noticed, then continue on if appropriate. After the hole is sufficiently deep, I’ll gnaw off the bottom of the fence post so as not to scratch my back on the way to freedom.
This process may take a day or two since getting caught means my work was for naught. Patience is what I preach. Well, when planning an escape anyway.
City Squatters Forced Out
The big apple. New York City.
I drove through it once, with my parents, on the way to Georgia. It had lots of buildings, lots of big squirrels with thin tails and lots of pigeon poop.
Outside of the abundance of fire hydrants, I didn’t get the attraction to the place. But to each his own.
Like a bunch of chickens who’ve been hanging out in the city for the better part of twenty years. Yeah they got small brains, but what’s kept them there? A rooster pimp is all I can come up with.
Squirrels Live on Coconut Grove
I’ve got a lovely pair of coconuts. Or should I say, I used to. Speaking of coconuts, let’s talk fruits and the best kind. Personally I like apples. My old man hand feeds me nicely sliced wedges. Apple cores need not apply. I think my father likes the way I chew them because he laughs while I eat. I just wish he’d let me dunk it in the caramel dip once in a while. Watermelon. I love watermelon. I get my supply of the watery goodness in the summer when it’s abundant, and cheap. It’s delivered rindless, cubed and seedless. That last part is important because my mother hates cleaning up the seeds I’ve spit out on the living room floor. She’s always careful about reading the label on melons. My father likes checking out melons too, but that’s an entirely different story. (more…)
Hen Plays the Identity Theft Game
Cock-a-doodle-do. Good morning folks.
I start today with that intro because I love chickens, especially boiled. Nothing is better than sucking on the pimply rubber skin of a boiled chicken carcass. The dish is my mother’s specialty. Well, if you take the microwave away from her, and the telephone, that is.
My father? Not a fan. That’s why I get twice the helpings when she makes it. If he’d just do me a favor and keep the overcooked spinach to himself, it would be a perfect date night meal.
Elephant Objects to Marriage
I’m not a fan of formal ceremonies, mostly because I’m never invited.
Informal get togethers are another matter entirely. Typically they’re held in the back yard of one my parents’ friends houses, with all matter of species invited. Well, dogs mostly and the occasional cat.
For the most part we’re all relatively well behaved. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like we eat our hamburgers and hot dogs with knives and forks, but rather we don’t eat the little kids out in the open.
Videos
I have to give credit where credit is due. I always thought I was the most prolific message...
My mother took my new brother to agility training for six weeks. I gotta be honest, he doesn’t...
I love sleep. I can’t imagine not doing it curled up on a warm, soft bed. Others have...
Here’s a commercial I like. Dog steals food and sets up the cat to take the fall. What...
Product Reviews
Kooky Chews is a candy toy made for kids. So why am I showcasing it here? Because, it packages...
So I’m sitting there watching a little Animal Planet when the old man comes into the...
Day in and day out, I get served slop in a bowl for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I guess it’s...
Imagine, if you will, walking in the rain but instead of raindrops coming out of the sky it’s...
Ask Bo
Bo Knows JealousyDear Bo, My humans are away and the computer was left on… Dude, I stuck in between heaven (with a sweet young affectionate and...
Minimize Humiliation of Dog Hair CutHello my dear pal, My mom cut all my hair yesterday… ALL… except where you know. But, I look like a teen now and...
Murphy’s LawDear Bo, My parents think they feed me a lot but I disagree. For me it is not really the quality of the food as it is the quantity....
Heat ExhaustionHey bo what’s up? My mommy is really worried about me in the heat. I tried to explain that i’m ok. I just need to stay...
More News and Commentary
Boozing Monkey Sent to RehabWe all have our vices. My canine sister Copper is obsessed with farts, my feline sister Mothball is fascinated by the cursor on this screen and, I hate to admit it, I can’t make it through a day without barking at squirrels. These are heavy burdens to carry but it...
Dog Turns Owner Over to PoliceI’m not a snitch. When my father rolls in at midnight after boys’ night out, I don’t bark to alert my mother of his arrival. I wait, knowing he’ll dig into the fridge for something to eat. Sure it might be a week old plate of spaghetti or a plate...
Cliff Diving Dog Survives PlungeI jumped into a lake once. Not on purpose, but by accident. You see there was this leaf, cleverly disguised as a big rock, floating in the lake a few feet below me. I thought it was a perfect place for a photo opp. Humans love those. Let’s be honest with ourselves,...
Cat Thinks It’s a ChickI’m not sure what I want to become when I grow up. Yeah I know time is running out, with me being 17 and all, but once you give up on your dream there’s not much left. So here’s a partial list of what I’d like to become: 1) Firehouse dog Read More →
Take Off Zee BraWhat’s black and white and read all over? Well, it’s certainly not the newspaper. Have you seen the circulation numbers recently? The correct answer, of course, is a zebra with a sunburn. Zebra’s are funny animals. They’re part horse, part donkey,...
Look At That Van GoI don’t like to brag but I consider myself a bit of an artist. I’m not saying I should be confused with some of the whack jobs in the industry, because I gotta be honest, I’m not going to whack off my ear to show the world how ‘brilliant’ I...
The Smell Of Love Is In The AirI may be a day late and a milkbone short on today’s story, but it’s the thought that counts. As some of you know, well 3% according to a recent survey, this past weekend was Valentine’s Day. I’m not one for love and cuddling because a day on the calendar...
Bloodhound of a Different KindBloodhound. When I first heard the term I didn’t know what to think. On the one paw it sounds really good. I mean what’s not to like about a bloody steak, a bloody snot rag in the garbage, or my father, a bloody fool. On the other paw, massive amounts of blood...
Down the Stretch They ComeI’ve been on a few ‘freestyle’ runs in my day. If you’re not familiar with what that means Websters has a nice definition. Here it is: Main Entry: free·style run Pronunciation: \’frē-ˌ stī(-ə)l run\ 1. Bo plus his sister Copper minus...
Retirement Home for CatsI woke up this morning to the realization that it was a Monday. To some it offers the opportunity of a fresh start, of a week full of accomplishments ahead. To me, it’s the dreary realization of another tough work week. That’s right, I have the daily grind of...
Sunbear Squad Tip of the Week
Watch for flooded back yards and cold, wet dogs and cats living in the muck. They may be at risk for skin diseases and sickness caused by drinking bad water
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