Mainstream Media Hatchet Job

What do you expect from the mainstream human media? If the answer is not a lot then you won’t be disappointed in this review of the film Firehouse Dog.

Firehouse Dog is a weepy canine comedy about a fractious 12-year-old boy and his lonely father whose grievances are healed by a stray dog. Rex is a pampered Irish terrier and top-grossing Hollywood star. When an aircraft stunt goes wrong the pooch literally drops into a run-down inner-city fire station manned by a shabby team facing imminent redundancy.

Todd Holland’s film manipulates the prickly issues with scant regard for emotional credibility. The sentimentality is ghastly, but Rex has his moments.

The guy gives it two stars out of five. What do you expect from a British film critic anyway. My advice to Mr. Christopher is to buy a case of greenies and work on improving his teeth.

Puppy 911

I’m sure a lot of you have seen the show Nanny 911. If you haven’t, it’s a show where parents learn the basics of child rearing from a professional nanny. Most of these folks have difficulty tying their shoes let alone trying to raise children. Well, here is a heart warming story about Archie and his job of helping children as well…

But Murphy, 51, Casa Pacifica’s director of operations and development, had watched dogs work magic with children before. A former private-school teacher, she once raised a puppy in her classroom. If dogs could teach privileged children about responsibility and nurturing, Murphy thought, maybe they could help kids whose human role models had failed them utterly.

It still amazes me that humans are surprised that dogs work magic with kids. I’ll be honest, doing magic tricks for kids is easy. Half the time they’re in a sugar coma and don’t even see you palming the card in your paw. The other half, they spend crying because I just stole their lollipop.

Warm Cookie Anyone?

Who likes their Cookie burned? Not me, and certainly not Rigoberto Galan owner of Cookie the dog .

Firefighters responded to a burning home early Monday morning and found the dog, named Cookie, unconscious. The firefighters used an IV and oxygen mask to revive the dog.

The fire appeared to have started in the kitchen, but authorities are still investigating.

I’m pretty sure that Cookie may have been drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana just prior to cooking up some potato skins in the toaster oven. She probably passed out as the skins caught fire and the flames grew out of control.

Bad Moon Rising

A new study suggests that injuries in cats and dogs increase during full moons. The catchy title of the study, “Canine and feline emergency room visits and the lunar cycle: 11,940 cases (1992-2002)” tells you a lot about its design.

By reading the conclusions one would conclude there is a definite correlation:

The data, compiled from 10 years of nearly 12,000 case histories of dogs and cats treated at the university’s Veterinary Medical Center, indicates that the risk of emergencies on fuller moon days was 23 percent greater in cats and 28 percent greater in dogs when compared with other days. The types of emergencies ranged from cardiac arrest to epileptic seizures and trauma, and the increase was most pronounced during the moon’s three fullest stages – waxing gibbous, full and waning gibbous.

However, when looked at in actual terms, this equates to only one additional dog and cat per night for average emergency vet clinic.

What I really care about, and not a mention of this, is how many humans turn into werewolves and kill people during full moons.

Kramer vs. Kramer

Divorce can be a very upsetting thing for any canine. Many times they are not asked which parent they would like to continue living with. In fact, in all cases I know of, they were never given a choice at all. I think that’s crap.

As if that weren’t bad enough, a new law could make it even worse.

The bill would let couples specify, among other things, visitation rights and the right to move the animal out of state. If feuding spouses cannot agree on what to do with the pet, the solution is simple: a judge can either pick a spouse or ship it off to a local humane society or similar shelter.

So a judge gets to throw my furry butt in the slammer if my parents can’t decide on which one loves me more.

This is an important lesson for the dogs that are reading this. I urge you to pick a favorite parent early and stick with them. I’m not too proud to say that this is why I’ve been on my father’s side since the get go, through thick and thin…even during the periods when he has gastrointestinal issues. To be honest, those times actually made our bonds tighter but you catch my drift.

Spoiled For Life

In the first of many stories I hope to highlight about everyday dogs becoming heroes, I present to you Rupert the Labradoodle. You’ll have to read the article to find out what a labradoodle is.

“I walked down the bank and put my feet in the water and all of a sudden, whoosh there I went and the current was right there,” said Blain.

“It was a good thing I had Rupert’s leash around my wrist because I couldn’t get out by myself, and we looked at each other and he started to back up and he pulled me out.”

Hero worship has its benefits…

She said for that moment in which he pulled her up the bank a couple of feet, Rupert will get spoiled the rest of his life.

To which I say, shouldn’t every dog be spoiled from the get go? (psst…you don’t have to answer the question, it’s rhetorical)

Baby One More Time

No Britney Spears is not pregnant again but she did add to her family with the purchase of a Yorkie recently.

An “excited” Spears walked into the store and [went] right up to the dog section where she asked to see one dog in particular – a $3,000 Yorkie, says a fellow shopper.

The new addition to the Spears’s [sic] clan has been reportedly named “London.”

It does make me wonder how Britney will react when “London” walks into the room, takes a dump and says, “Oops I did it again.”

Say No To The California Raisins

Something Serious: Public Service Announcement

Raisins and grapes have been shown to be toxic to some dogs. This was first discovered in a 2004 study by the ASPCA Poison Control Center. The center found 140 cases where dogs were affected by the ingestion of either grapes or raisins.

In cases of raisin or grape ingestion by dogs, the pets often begin vomiting within six-12 hours. In 12 to 24 hours, the dogs often become anorexic and develop diarrhea. After 24 hours, a large number of dogs develop acute renal failure, which can lead to death.

Hmmm…maybe that’s why I puke and crap all over the house after chugging a bottle of my favorite Merlot. I wonder what my father’s excuse is?

Paging Doctor Feelgood

Looks like a scientific breakthrough in the area of cancer research.

One of the major issues associated with longer life expectancy in man and his best friend is an increase in the incidence of cancer.

…[and] it seems dogs might be able to tell us why and how certain cancers develop.

Go ahead, admit it. You don’t believe it. Well, go ahead, read the article.

Yup, I’m pretty amazing…well not just me, but canines in general. There’s just no end to all the special abilities that we have hidden from humans.

Do I know why and how cancers develop? I sure do. Why haven’t I told anyone? Well, no one ever asked and let’s face it, who’d believe a dog anyway?

A Day Late And A Dollar Short

I tell ya, the young pups today got it made. Times have certainly changed since I was born. I remember having to walk three miles to obedience class, in deep snow, uphill, both ways. Today, the kids get rides in big SUV’s with heated seats.

Now I find out that even getting neutered isn’t an issue any more.

Male dogs can breathe a sigh of relief. The days of removing their testicles to stop them breeding or to curb aggressive behaviour may be numbered. A contraceptive implant that halts testosterone and sperm production for months at a time is expected to gain European approval within weeks, while steps are being taken to enable the drug to be sold in the US.

If I’d only been born ten years later, I’d have me an iPod, an iPhone and my iNuts.

Full story for you here.

« Previous Page — Next Page »