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My Bodyguard

The world isn’t safe. Our jobs as canines is to make it a better place, protecting the leaders of various ideologies from democracy to socialism to communism. We’re the Kevin Costner to the people’s Whitney Houston.

LABRADOR dogs worth $90,000 each will be at the security front line at next month’s APEC meeting in Sydney.

Twenty-two new explosives detection canine teams will be on hand to protect world leaders such as US President George W. Bush, Russian President Vladimir Putin and Chinese President Hu Jintao.

At first I thought the $90,000 was kind of a low value for a canine. What I didn’t realize was that this was in Australian dollars. When I do the currency conversion on my calculator that actually equates to 6 gajillion US dollars. That sounds about right.

FP Superintendent Phil Spence said labradors had a sense of smell “millions of times” stronger than humans, and he was confident they would sniff out a bomb.

Note to my father…when you let one of your bombs go off, you’re killing me.

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