And The Oscar Goes To…

American crime fighters come in all shapes and sizes. Of course I’m going to highlight heroes wearing suits, in this case black labrador suits.

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia — Two American sniffer dogs who found millions of pirated DVDs while on loan to Malaysian authorities will receive medals of honor when their six-month assignment ends next week, an official said Thursday.

Black Labradors Lucky and Flo will be celebrated at an awards ceremony Monday before they return home to New York, said Nor Hayati Yahaya, the Motion Picture Association’s manager for Malaysia.

Lucky and Flo _ on loan from the U.S.-based association _ have helped uncover pirated DVDs and equipment worth $6 million since they came to Malaysia in March, Nor Hayati said. The cases led to 26 arrests.

She said that the two female dogs seized 2 million of the 2.7 million discs seized this year.

After successful raids, it was rumored that Lucky would light up a miniature cigarette while Flo would bark, “Kiss My Grits!” at the counterfeiters.

Folsom Prison Blues

Am I the only one that sees the irony in this story?

Alaska prison inmates are teaching abandoned dogs obedience skills they hope will give the animals a second chance at life.

Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but had the inmates focused on their own obedience training they wouldn’t be incarcerated.

The doggie curriculum includes:

• How to make a shiv from a chewey
• Twenty ways to drop a flossy and not regret it
• How to bite the hand that feeds you
• Making Kong explosives

Why do I get the feeling that these dogs will go on a crime spree anytime the command, “Let me out you dirty screws!” is given?

Bowling For Bellies

Sure the reason for creating The Eat Better Dog Bowl sounds noble, but I think the underlying motive of capitalism is the true goal.

New invention saves dogs from eating too fast, belly-aches and a whole host of indigestion problems.

“The Eat Better^TM Dog Bowl is designed with a wishbone structure in the centre with three apexes and connecting ridges. The wishbone serves as an obstruction to prevent dogs from lapping up all the food in a swift, sweeping motion and inhaling the contents like a vacuum cleaner.”, according to its Singaporean inventor, Mr Victor Lee, a dog-behavioural specialist.

C’mon, let’s be frank here. Anything that obstructs my eating path is only going to make me mad, resulting in me peeing in the house for revenge.

Macey’s Day Parade

Reason #1921 why it’s better to be a male dog rather than a doggess.

A Great Dane dog [Macey] in Manchester has given birth to 16 puppies after a grueling 20 hours in labor, leaving her owners perplexed over what to do with the vast litter.

I hope they have health insurance. Can you imagine the cost of putting these pups through obedience school?

We found out that she was pregnant through the vets. They said they could feel four puppies. Then she had a litter of 16. Our reaction was one of shock and horror really. She had four within hours and they just kept coming. We were stunned. Macey is perfectly fine and healthy and so are the pups. They are just starting to walk around and play with each other. It’s lovely.

Just a quick thought, these folks may want to change veterinarians.

After the 7th puppy was delivered, what did the vet tell the owners? “Wow that was a few more than I expected.”

What about after the 10th? “This is a miracle! I can’t believe I only felt 4 pups and she had ten in there!”

And after the 13th? “Uhm, I think that should be it.”

And after the 16th Pup was delivered? “To be honest with you, I’m not really a vet. But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.”

Smarter Than Your Average Bear

We canines continue to surprise the bipeds that rule this planet.

They are man’s best friends, and now dogs have surprised boffins by showing that they are capable of advanced reasoning as much as human toddlers.

I know that boffins sounds just a little bit dirty but its how Brits refer to scientists (and they said this blog was not educational!).

OK, so what would you rather have?

Toddler:

• Poops and pees in his/her own pants
• Needs to be hand fed special food
• Can’t be left in a cage
• Can’t out reason a canine

Dog:

• Poops and pees outside, by itself
• Eats anything you give it; from kibbles to left over spinach
• Will protect you from danger
• Is universally recognized as your best friend

Don’t act a fool, use your reasoning skills and choose the dog already.

Castor Not Pollux

Dog helps fight crime , yet again.

Picking up a scent, Castor [the police dog] led officers to a trail of chocolatey wrappers along Cottage Grove Drive. After less than a quarter-mile, the trail and the dog took a sudden left turn onto Kim Marie Court, where police found four surprised teenagers sitting on the back deck of a house.

I guess you could call Castor a professional police dog but really, what did he do that was so special? I do this type of thing every day. Anytime I hear the crinkle of a wrapper I’m on it like cats on kitty litter.

Maybe I don’t give myself enough credit and should have taken the K-9 entry exam?

Chow Yun Fat

Chunky canines are getting help but they may be ruining it for all of us.

One of the world’s first anti-obesity drugs for dogs is now available and believed to be the ideal solution for overfed canines.

Yes this article appears to be good news for all of us dogs but in reality it isn’t. Why is it bad? Two things: the first is that owners will focus on the tricks of the trade we love to employ to separate them from their food. The first shot across the bow is in the article:

“Often, they [dog owners] cannot resist those pleading eyes and it takes a lot of determination on the part of the owners to refrain from giving in.”

The second is how it affects our daily strolls of message checking.

[PDSA's Elaine Pendlebury] added that owners of obese dogs should take their pets for more walks and, in extreme cases, radically alter their diets.

Good advice, but you know if people think they can solve a problem with a pill they will. Kiss your walks goodbye, my fluffy friend.

Besides, what’s wrong with a beautiful golden retriever with a little junk in the trunk? That’s right, nuthin’.

Concentrating In Camp

My folks put me in camp this week, unfortunately my internet connection isn’t very good. Therefore my posting will be a bit sporadic.

So I’ll post a quick joke…not mine…blatantly stolen from a source on the web …

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck.

Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?” “I sure did,” responded his friend. “He can’t swim.”

No More Ruff Times

There are some humans who are not only rich but thoughtful as well.

Peanuts, Teddy, and Charlie Chan are living the (good) dogs’ life, even though their mistress has gone to her eternal rest.

… [pioneering Bridgeport lawyer Helen F.] Krause, who left the majority of her estate to the St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital in Memphis, also stipulated that $600,000 be set aside in a trust fund to cover the dogs’ proper care.

Six hundred grand is nice and all, but imagine the taxes you have to pay on that. By my calculation the government is going to take at least one hundred and fifty thousand pepperoni sticks from the mouths of Peanut, Teddy and Chuck. That’s unconscionable. I’m urging all canines reading this to vote Libertarian in the next election to keep this from happening in the future.

Finding Mushrooms Magically

Another canine helps to clean up America of its seedy side.

[State Trooper Mark] Weiner watched Houle roll through a stop sign at Willow and State streets, without using his directional signal, and followed him east up State Street with his flashing lights on.

Lando [the police dog] alerted police to the presence of drugs beneath the center console, which had been rigged to lift up. Hidden inside was a container with a bag of bulk marijuana and 8 smaller bags of marijuana for sale, Weiner said.

There was also a plastic bag of mushrooms.

No doubt Lando continues to use the experience he gained in college to sniff out the bad guys.

With a name like Weiner, it does make one wonder whether Lando is a daschund.

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