Tis The Season

It’s that time of the year when parents go out shopping to meet our gift getting needs. In this article some of the top gifts of the year for pets are identified.

“As with last year, many pet owners want items that are fun,” says Steve Burdeaux, Dog/Cat Radio manager. “However, this year many pet owners have said they will be shopping for a bit more sophisticated gifts.”

I ask, “If a gift isn’t fun (or edible) , is it truly a gift?”

“Now a days humans want the best for their furry guys,” says Jane Harris, radio host. “Pet owners will spend whatever the amount so long as their pets are safe and happy.”

I can’t disagree with that statement. Let’s face it, we’re fuzzy, cute and loveable. You know what isn’t fuzzy, cute and loveable? Money. Don’t believe me? Just take a look at that picture of George Washington on the dollar bill. You want to cuddle with a man with wooden teeth? Exactly. Read more

If I Did It

The latest human testing techniques hit the canine community. Apparently they’re now focusing on using DNA technology to help identify us.

Dogs … can now be traced using new DNA technology being issued to local councils, the NSW government says.

Humans indicate they will only use DNA testing to identify dogs that have been involved in attacks. However, what’s to keep them from going a step further, like using it to ID the poor canine who swipes some goodies from the coffee table or nibbles on the antique leg of a piece of furniture? Hmmm?

Although this appears to be troublesome do keep in mind that DNA evidence isn’t perfect. Just look at the O.J., he got off scot free even with overwhelming DNA evidence against him.

Words of advice…carry a pair of bark n’ boots around with you, make sure they’re extra small, and drop it at the crime scene. For we all know, if it does not fit, they must acquit.

Color Me Beautiful

Oh brother I can’t believe this story. If my parents even think about coloring my hair, I swear I will poop on their bed as revenge.

Just walking into a room, Sally turns heads.

It’s hard not to stare at the Australian shepherd’s cotton-candy-colored coat.

Hmm…Sally sounds sweet. How did she get that colored coat?

Sally has worn her startling pink coat since August, when Calhoun returned from a Denver grooming seminar on pet-dyeing techniques.

“I think she’ll really always be pink, if not another color. It just kind of goes well,” Calhoun said.

Pet dyeing techniques? You don’t need to go to a seminar for that. In fact, I ran this story by some local, and famous, dogs in the neighborhood. Here’s what they had to say.

Read more

It’s A Small World After All

Some like ‘em big, some like ‘em small. The preference for city dwellers is to have them on the miniature side.

“We were looking for a small breed,” she adds. “Dogs are so much work to train, we weren’t ready to handle the dirty dog business of a big mutt in our downtown condo.”

Dogs are hard to train? She should see what it’s like training a human. Anyway, she wants a small one, eh? I wonder what her thoughts on child rearing are? “Honey, I think we should have a baby that won’t grow up to be very big. You know how difficult the big ones can be in a downtown condo.”

“She’s nine pounds,” Mrs. Cyr says. “She won’t get much bigger than this.

Yeah the dog won’t but I got some family planning news for her. Unless she’s giving birth to Tattoo, a baby is going to get a lot bigger than that.

So I’m not buying it, I see big dog prejudice at work here. First they’ll kick us out of the cities, then out of the suburbs and finally it will be off the farms. Where will the bigger, and dare I say better, canines go? I’ll tell you where…to places like Ding Dong Texas, Nothing Arizona, Toad Suck Arkansas, Moose Factory Ontario, Bucksnort Tennessee and last but not least Cats Town Ireland.

Hopefully it’s only in Canada where this story (and trend) starts and stops. Speaking of which; since the Canadian dollar is worth more than the American dollar now, does that mean I’m only 80 Canadian dog years old instead of 105 American?

Big Trouble In Little China

I don’t really have much to say about this article other than to point to the sheer brevity of it. I’ll post it in its entirety here.

Dog brings home buns

(China Daily)

Updated: 2007-11-10 16:33

A fair-haired dog has become well known on a housing estate in Zhengzhou, capital of Henan Province.
The dog, called Er Bao, not only goes to the shop and buys buns for its master, surnamed Fang, but also looks after a litter of puppies by taking them out for walks.
Fang said her one-year-old dog could sense what she wants and claimed she turned down an offer of 30,000 yuan ($4,000) from someone who wanted to buy the hound.

(Dongfang Jinbao News)

This sounds like a truly amazing dog. Certainly Er Bao is worthy of more than 79 words, no? Either the China Daily is a very small newspaper or it has a lot of stories in it. Either way, it looks like journalism has a way to go in China.

On a side note, I used to shop for my mother but lost the privilege when the buns I went out to purchase came back with teeth marks in them. That, and the fact the store always seemed to be out of hamburger revoked my grocery getting rights.

A Tail of Two Dogs

Big and small, not Biggie Smalls, is how I would describe the canines in this article .

Despite their radical difference in size, these two dogs have something in common – Gibson the Great Dane and Boo Boo the toy Chihuahua are both world record holders.

Measuring a whopping 107cm, gentle giant Gibson was named tallest dog back in 2004. Joining him in the hall of fame for 2007 is tiny Boo Boo who only measures 10.16cm tall and is smaller than Gibson’s head.

If you’re not good at the metric system and need centimeters converted to inches let me help you. Hold it…let me get my calculator…OK, got it…that makes Gibson very big and Boo Boo very small.

The tiny mutt [Boo Boo] was only about the size of a thumb when she was born; so small, in fact, that she had to be fed with an eye dropper every two hours before she could eventually nurse a bottle.

I think I’d start wearing lifts in my Bark N Boots if I were a dog this size. Come to think of it, maybe I should do it anyway. It would certainly boost me over the two foot mark and everyone knows the ladies love tall dogs. Don’t believe me? Then how do you explain the popularity of these dogs: Andre the Giant Schnauzer, Harrier Munster and the ever popular Shaquille O’Nealoplitan Mastiff?

So is the tall one wasting his time on earth? Heck no!

The Great Dane [Gibson] is also the world’s tallest therapy dog and regularly visits children’s hospitals.

Gibson says he loves kids; they taste like chicken. Really, they do.

Alright, before I get deluged with hate mail, let me clarify…they taste like chicken when you lick them not when you bite them. Sheesh, people are so politically correct these days.

Anyway, you may remember that it was Gibson who lead all players on his obedience school basketball team, the Fighting K-9s, in scoring and rebounding. It was the same year Boo Boo was head barkleader of the cheering team.

Little known, but true facts you won’t find anywhere else.

Extreme Makeover: Canine Edition

I don’t know why humans just can’t leave good enough alone. First they have makeovers for themselves, then for their homes and now for their pets.

A Chicago pet boutique and an Oak Park dog trainer are offering the Supreme Makeover: Dog Edition.

Soggy Paws and Animal Sense Canine Behavior and Training will give 90-day, nose-to-tail, inside-and-out makeovers to two dogs.

I understand the outside makeover part but how do you make over one’s inside? Do you give a good scrubbing to the little intestine? A cleansing of the colon? A power washing of the inner stomach?

Alas, the article doesn’t really touch on that aspect of the makeover but it does outline the key activities involved.

The makeovers include grooming, individualized training, vet care and dental cleaning, wellness training with holistic vet care, a nutritional makeover, collar, toys, treats and more.

There will be two winners, one a household pet and one a shelter/rescue dog.

Frankly I’m offended by that last line. Not that there will be two winners but that a household pet is different than a shelter/rescue dog.

Hello, I’m a perfect example of a shelter dog that is a pet…and let me tell you one thing, I don’t need no stinkin’ makeover. I’m perfect. Just ask my parents, they’ll confirm it. But before you do, can you make sure to let them cool down first. You see I just got done peeing on the new rug.

Can you say Extreme Makeover: Rug Edition?

The Trend Is Not Your Friend

Say it ain’t so. Are humans getting tired of us and moving towards alternative pet ownership? It appears so.

Yes, cats and dogs can add warmth, love and companionship to a home. But they can also add dirt, hairy tumbleweeds, a pile of vet bills, fleas and allergic reactions.

That’s why millions of American families have opted for “alternative” pets that are easier and cheaper to maintain.

If you ask me this appears to be a very disturbing trend.

A survey by the American Pet Products Manufacturing Association (APPMA) indicated we are sharing our homes with 16 million birds, 9.6 million saltwater fish, 13.1 million reptiles of various kinds, plus 26.3 million small animals. And that’s not even counting the 142 million freshwater fish in our aquariums. Or the 13.8 million horses and ponies out in our barns.

Here are my thoughts on the pets mentioned in the article:

Birds – I like birds and so does my feline sister Moose. They’re especially tasty with a side of mashed potatoes.

Saltwater fish – Once again, a better food than a pet. Best served as appetizers on whole wheat crackers.

Reptiles – more scary than fun. Alligator is a good way to keep your adrenaline levels high. When reptile is cooked…best served medium rare, if on a plate; well done if worn on feet.

Small animals – let’s go with squirrels as the example on this one. Who’d invite a close cousin of the rat as a live in pet? A cheapskate human owner, that’s who. Why don’t these owners just say, “I’ll take an extra helping of the plague with my eggs, thank you.”

Freshwater fish – catfish are cool to look at, that I’ll give you. But when is the last time you saw one retrieve the Sunday paper for their owner? I know what you’re thinking, neither do you, Bo. Well, I don’t get the Sunday paper for my owner not because I can’t it’s that I choose not to.

Horses – you think owner’s have a problem picking up dog ‘droppings’ on walks in the neighborhood? Well, think about the problem they’re going to have when they have to carry around a hefty, hefty cinch sack to clean up after their horse takes a stroll.

They say that this trend to own different animals is to save money. Just remember, in most cases, you get what you pay for.

My parents only paid $25 for me at the dog pound and that included all my required shots, ball removal and pedicure. In the interest of full disclosure, that transaction is in the Guiness Book of World Records as the biggest deal in the history of man-canine history. Don’t expect to get as lucky as my parents.

Make sure to choose wisely.

Earthquake!

Our predictive powers are amazing as evidenced by this article on earthquakes.

Monica Richards’ dog, Shadow, refused to go for a walk in San Jose 15 minutes before Tuesday night’s quake.

“Earthquakes come in waves and the smaller waves are probably something the animals can feel before they reach a magnitude that humans feel,” said Beth Ward, director of animal and customer care at Humane Society Silicon Valley. “At least that’s the theory.”

If animals can feel these short waves, why can’t humans? …and is Shadow afraid of herself?

Animals are also “much more sensitive than people – their sense of hearing, vision and smell,” she said.

…not to mention our feelings. You may find this hard to believe but I’m a very sensitive canine. Take last night for instance, I decided to poop on the deck outside because, well I had to go. Of course my mother yelled at me, as if I had just eaten her last bon bon. What she didn’t take the time to do was to look at the poo and notice its message, I had ‘written’ I love you. My feelings are still hurt that she did not return my love.

Richards said her dog had never refused to go for a walk before.

And now I refuse to show my love for my mother ever again…at least in the brown art form.