The Trend Is Not Your Friend

Say it ain’t so. Are humans getting tired of us and moving towards alternative pet ownership? It appears so.Tasty Gator

Yes, cats and dogs can add warmth, love and companionship to a home. But they can also add dirt, hairy tumbleweeds, a pile of vet bills, fleas and allergic reactions.

That’s why millions of American families have opted for “alternative” pets that are easier and cheaper to maintain.

If you ask me this appears to be a very disturbing trend.

A survey by the American Pet Products Manufacturing Association (APPMA) indicated we are sharing our homes with 16 million birds, 9.6 million saltwater fish, 13.1 million reptiles of various kinds, plus 26.3 million small animals. And that’s not even counting the 142 million freshwater fish in our aquariums. Or the 13.8 million horses and ponies out in our barns.

Here are my thoughts on the pets mentioned in the article:

Birds – I like birds and so does my feline sister Moose. They’re especially tasty with a side of mashed potatoes.

Saltwater fish – Once again, a better food than a pet. Best served as appetizers on whole wheat crackers.

Reptiles – more scary than fun. Alligator is a good way to keep your adrenaline levels high. When reptile is cooked…best served medium rare, if on a plate; well done if worn on feet.

Small animals – let’s go with squirrels as the example on this one. Who’d invite a close cousin of the rat as a live in pet? A cheapskate human owner, that’s who. Why don’t these owners just say, “I’ll take an extra helping of the plague with my eggs, thank you.”

Freshwater fish – catfish are cool to look at, that I’ll give you. But when is the last time you saw one retrieve the Sunday paper for their owner? I know what you’re thinking, neither do you, Bo. Well, I don’t get the Sunday paper for my owner not because I can’t it’s that I choose not to.

Horses – you think owner’s have a problem picking up dog ‘droppings’ on walks in the neighborhood? Well, think about the problem they’re going to have when they have to carry around a hefty, hefty cinch sack to clean up after their horse takes a stroll.

They say that this trend to own different animals is to save money. Just remember, in most cases, you get what you pay for.

My parents only paid $25 for me at the dog pound and that included all my required shots, ball removal and pedicure. In the interest of full disclosure, that transaction is in the Guiness Book of World Records as the biggest deal in the history of man-canine history. Don’t expect to get as lucky as my parents.

Make sure to choose wisely.


Got something to say?