Animal House

December 10 | 2 Comments

I always wanted to go to Princeton for my higher education needs but never had the grades to get in. That’s why I attended my safety school, theCollege Life Sit Stay Fetch Training Academy instead. Reading this article makes me realize I made the right decision.

Aside from ubiquitous squirrels and Dean of the College Nancy Malkiel’s dog Skipper, the campus is home to a range of animals that secretly inhabit undergraduate dorms…housing most types of pets on campus is a violation of University policy…

So if I attended this beacon of higher education, it would have been as a commuter student only. I gotta say, that’s crap. Everyone knows you need to be on campus to be in on all the fun college life has to offer. Not being on campus, it would have been up to me to meet other students while in class just to create a bond. You know the type I’d meet too, they’d be more like Kent Dorfman than John Blutarsky.

…”only fish, in tanks that do not exceed 10 gallons, can be kept in the dormitories,” according to the 2007-08 undergraduate living guide – students who defy the rules described their animal pals as a time-consuming and odiferous, yet rewarding, part of their lives.

Animals are odiferous? Have you smelled a college student after an all night binge? Although the puke smells good at first, it loses its appeal after a while. Couple that with the urine smell on their pants and all of a sudden I don’t smell so bad anymore.

… the University slaps strict penalties on students discovered flouting its in-dorm animal policy. Violators are fined $25 and are ordered to get rid of their pet immediately, with continuous violations leading to heavier fines and the possible evictions of the offending students themselves.

Wow $25! That is strict.

In the end, I learned pretty fast that it’s not where you went to school, but who you know that gets you places in this world. All I need now is a quick meet and greet with Bill “Dog Chow” Purina and *woof* I’d be on my way to head taste tester at his company.


2 Responses to “Animal House”

  1. Blackie on December 11th, 2007 10:05 am

    I love the picture of the passed out student dog. I wish I had access to alcohol during my obedience school days. 


  2. jewels on December 11th, 2007 10:07 am

    Should the canine in the picture really be smoking a cigarette? Hasn't he heard about the fire hazard that is?  Next thing you know he'll have a hotplate in his dorm room.

    Love the blog!


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