Safety Clause

December 18 | 1 Comment

Did you ever notice that around the various holidays throughout the year, there are some folks who find the need toAhhh! highlight all the dangerous things in the world as it relates to pets? Well, here’s another such article.

The Internet is full of holiday pet safety warnings – some real ones, some imagined ones. Here, in an attempt to separate the fact from the fiction, is a list of 10 things to watch out for.

All righty then. Let’s take them one by one and see how this list stacks up to the dangers this world has to offer.

1. Turkey is bad for dogs. Not true! Turkey bones are (they can splinter), and gorging on turkey fat can cause pancreatitis (take note, Uncle Fred), but turkey meat – despite the fretting on many internet forums – poses no danger to dogs.

I like the tone of this article early. Turkey is great for canines, especially me. I’d rather have the meat than the bones anyway so I’m not worried about splinters in my belly. As for pancreatitis, I don’t know what the big deal is, I love them stacked high with maple syrup on top.

2. Poinsettias can be toxic for pets. True!

I’m more of a white rose type of guy anyway.

3. Pine needles are toxic to pets. True and false.

Let’s be honest. Pine needles could be as toxic as my father’s underwear after a weekend with the boys, but they’d do no harm. There isn’t a pet in their right mind that’s eating pine needles voluntarily.

4. Tinsel can kill your pet. Theoretically, yes it can cause trouble. If you should see tinsel or any other possibly long object protruding from your pets…rectum, don’t try to pull it out.

Theoretically and in reality it causes problems. Just look at Tinseltown. That place has caused more trouble for canines than any other part of this world. There’s Lassie almost drinking himself to death, Rin Tin Tin shooting Savory Sauce into his veins and Beethoven begging for acceptance with his sixth family. Rectum? It nearly killed ‘em.

5. Electric lights.

Next thing you know, they won’t trust us to use the indoor plumbing. Let’s see a human enjoy going outside to do a number 2 while the neighborhood looks on in anticipation.

6. Candles. Most dogs know enough not to stick their nose in a flame.

There’s nothing dangerous about candles. I like to light them and put them around the bathtub when I bathe. A little classical music in the background, some Dostoyevsky and I’m in heaven.

7. Ahhh, dessert. Your best bet is to keep them all away from your pet.

I call bullcrap on this bullet. Desserts are not dangerous to dogs. The author of this article is just trying to keep all the sweet goodness to himself.

8. The crowds. With a lot of new and strange humans in the house, your dog or cat could get stressed out by the holiday hub-bub.

My favorite crowd game is ‘eight ball in the corner pocket’. I love it, the men in the crowd, not so much.

9. Decorations on the tree. Don’t use cookie ornaments.

Don’t agree. Please use cookie ornaments, preferably ones made by someone other than my mother.

10. The presents under the tree. These, too, can intrigue your pet, especially if you have a dog that likes to unwrap things, and especially if any of the things might contain food product.

What do you think we do when our owner’s are away? Well, we’re shaking the packages under the tree to guess what they may contain. Cats aren’t the only ones that are curious.

So, in the final analysis it doesn’t appear that the holidays pose a big risk to my brethren and me. To that end I wish all of you a safe and happy holiday season too.


One Response to “Safety Clause”

  1. barney on December 18th, 2007 10:18 pm

    OK I have been lurking on this blog for quite some time. The rectum line on bullet 4 pulled me from the shadows. I laughed so hard I peed on my owner's slippers.

    Keep it coming…barney

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