Dog, Interrupted

Nothing surprising in this article but you know me, I can’t keep my muzzle shut.

(NewsTarget) According to a recent study, dogs may be man’s best friend in more ways than previously thought.

The study, written by Dr. Deborah Wells of Queen’s University, Belfast, for the British Journal of Health Psychiatry, found that dog owners tend to suffer less from ill health, have lower cholesterol, and lower blood pressure.

Dog owners also have cleaner floors, cleaner plates and cleaner faces.

Citing a 1995 study, Dr. Wells stated that dog owners who had suffered heart attacks were 8.6 percent more likely to be alive one year following their heart attacks than patients that did not own dogs.

Not cited was that dog owners who had suffered heart attacks were 100% more likely to be alive one year following their heart attacks than patients that were dead.

“It is possible that dogs can directly promote our well-being by buffering us from stress,” said Dr. Wells. “The ownership of a dog can also lead to increases in physical activity and psychological human health in a more indirect manner.”

Dr. Aaron Katcher, emeritus professor of psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania, has found “much evidence that social support is a critical variable in the recovery from many serious biological disorders, including psychiatric illness,” during the course of his studies on human and animal interaction. Read more

Prozac Dog Nation

Here’s a really depressing story, not because an animal was treated cruelly, but for what it says about the world we canines live in.

The makers of Prozac have launched their first ever antidepressant for dogs, a once-a-day chewable tablet flavoured with beef.

Huh? Beef flavored treats? Nobody said this drug was coming in a Flintstone vitamin delivery method. I’m starting to feel a bit anxious (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

The product, known as Reconcile, received approval from the Federal Drugs Administration in the United States today for use on dogs suffering from separation anxiety from being left alone for long periods.

Eli Lilly, which makes the new drug, says that more than 10 million US dogs exhibit strange symptoms from being left alone too long.

Strange symptoms such as sleeping all day, begging for food all night and leaving the dirty dishes in the sink unwashed.

“Lilly research shows that 10.7 million, or up to 17 per cent, of US dogs suffer from separation anxiety,” said Steve Connell, Lilly’s manager of consumer services for companion animal health.

“We’re thrilled that our first product for dogs can help restore the human-pet bond.”

“We will make a boat load of money off of humanity’s disregard for its best friend,” he said. Quickly adding, “Please don’t print that.” Read more

Whoa, Nelly!

Horsemeat. It just ain’t for Chinese buffets anymore.

AKRON, Mich. – Kristen DeGroat just wanted to sell her horse [Foxy] to another animal lover, but her ad ended up under “Good Things to Eat” in the classified sections of two newspapers. About a third of the 60 or so calls she received were from people interested in buying horse meat.

A typical call sounded like this, “Foxy, we’d love to have you for dinner this evening. Are you available?” They would get no response. You see, Foxy was raised on a farm and wasn’t taught the rules of etiquette. That, and the fact she doesn’t talk.

“It’s been enough to turn your stomach,” said DeGroat, who eventually sold her 3-year-old mare, Foxy, to a man who wanted a live horse for his grandchildren.

DeGroat’s ad, offering the registered pinto for $200 or the best offer, was intended to run Sunday and Monday under the classified ad heading for horses and stables in The Saginaw News and The Bay City Times.

Two hundred dollars for a horse? Is it me or does that sound really cheap. I mean you have to pay at least five hundred dollars for a dumb beagle. Smart ones cost quite a bit more since they’re so rare. But then again, they did mention Foxy was a pinto. Maybe she’s a hazard and explodes if you hit her in the behind.

I don’t claim to know, but I bet she tastes good.

Aye Uma Thurman

This story should take the human race down one peg.

When scientists found out that chimps had better memories than students, there were unkind comments about the calibre of the human competition they faced.

But now an ape has gone one better, trouncing British memory champion Ben Pridmore.

Ayumu, a seven-year-old male brought up in captivity in Japan, did three times as well as Mr Pridmore at a computer game which involved remembering the position of numbers on a screen.

When the numbers were shown for just a fifth of a second – the blink of an eye – Ayumu got it right almost 90 per cent of the time.

His human opponent scored a rather less impressive 33 per cent, Channel Five programme Extraordinary Animals will reveal.

Prior to losing this computer memory game to Ayumu, Mr Pridmore also lost in games of Candy Land, Tiddly Winks and Go Fish. He was last heard saying, “You sunk my Battleship!!” to Ayumu. With typical monkee fanfare, the response was a scratch of the armpit and , “Uhhh Ahhh Ahhhh Ahhhh!”

Maybe a worthy competitor, like me, would have been more telling. I wasn’t asked but I would have been too busy to compete anyway, what with sleep, blogging and sleep taking up all my time.

It is thought that young chimps are blessed with photographic memories, allowing them to remember patterns and sequences with amazing accuracy.

Sure that may help them on standardized tests, but it’s what you do with the knowledge in your head that’s important. Last time I checked AyumuKnowsOnline.com was nowhere to be found.

Mango Lassie

It all started centuries ago when pilgrims, their dogs and the bounty of their harvest was shared with the Indians, their dogs and their bounty. Now Thanksgiving has turned into a great big holiday that all canines look forward to. The amount of leftovers inevitably leads to a lot of scraps being shared, and rightfully so. Unfortunately for Mango, her owner shared a little too much and a little too quickly.

LAKE OSWEGO, Ore. – Thanksgiving was a hard holiday at the Stapleton home in Lake Oswego, hardest of all on Mango, the family’s 2-pound teacup poodle.

She got the stuffing knocked out of her.

Was Mango a stuffed animal? Not so my friend.

Joe, an anesthesiologist and pain-management specialist, said he didn’t realize any dogs were in the kitchen as he busily prepared a Thanksgiving feast for that afternoon’s family gathering.

As Joe stuffed the bird, it swiveled on the kitchen counter, knocking a heavy pot of stuffing – bam! – to the kitchen floor. He reached to retrieve the pot, and there lay Mango.

“Oh, no!” Roxanne remembered hearing him cry. “She’s dead.”

At the Pearly Gates, Mango was asked, “How did you die?”

“Oh, I had the stuffing knocked on top of me,” she replied.

“You mean you had the stuffing knocked out of you.”

“No, it was on me.”

To which St. Peter said, “Well…that’s no way to go, even for a fru fru dog like you. I will send you back.”

Joe scooped up the pocket-sized pooch and pressed his ear to her chest. He didn’t hear a heartbeat.

He’d performed cardiopulmonary resuscitation on plenty of humans, he said, but never had tried it on a dog.

He held Mango in his left hand and started chest compressions with his right. When he breathed into her nostrils, Joe said, he could feel the dog’s lungs inflate.

(When asked if giving mouth-to-snout resuscitation was icky, Joe replied: “Most dog owners are used to kissing their dogs. It’s not much different.”) Read more

Charlie In The Water Factory

All he wanted to do was go joy riding. That’s the word at the dog park anyway. Unfortunately the outcome was anything but joyful for the owner of Charlie, the black lab.

SAGLE, Idaho – Bad dog.

Charlie the black lab drove his owner’s car into the Pend Oreille River.

As Mark Ewing walked home Wednesday evening after returning from picking up a pizza, Charlie jumped into the car through an open window, and apparently knocked the vehicle into gear.

During Mr. Ewing’s absence, all Charlie heard was the kids belly aching about not having their pizza yet. Ever the service dog, Chuck jumped in the car to pick up his owner at the pizza joint, give him a ride home and stuff some Italian pie down the kids’ gullets.

“He somehow got the car into neutral,” Ewing said. “My car just went boom, down an incline and into the drink.”

Ewing could only watch as his Chevy Impala sank into the river. No dummy, Charlie jumped out of the window as the car went downhill. Read more

Party Like It’s 1999

The Otis of Mayberry award goes to Dingo the black lab.

Vienna – Vets in the Austrian town Bad Goisern had to deal with an unusual case of a severely inebriated labrador, a local newspaper reported on Monday. Last Friday, a concerned dog owner arrived at a pet clinic with three-year-old labrador “Dingo.” The dog was swaying heavily and barely able to walk, Oberoesterreichische Nachrichten newspaper said Monday.

Tests indicated a blood alcohol content of the 40-kilogram animal of 1.6 milligrams per 100 millilitres.

For those of you scoring at home, that’s twice the legal squirrel chasing limit. Left to his own devices, Dingo would probably have tried to score with the overweight cocker spaniel down the road. It’s good to have a wingman in these situations, even if it is your owner.

The dog had however not guzzled one drink too many, but according to its owner, stolen and secretly devoured half a kilogram of fresh yeast dough from the kitchen.

The unusual snack led to more than digestion problems for Dingo; alcohol was formed inside the animal’s body due to the yeast’s fermentation process. The dog was completely drunk. Read more

Million Poop March

It seems the folks in the UK are trying to clean up the streets. To that end they will be providing one million free poop scoop bags to dog owners.

One million free “poop scoop” bags are being handed out to dog owners in East Durham in a bid to combat dog fouling.Easington District Council is giving away the bags to remind owners to take their responsibility to clean up after their pets seriously.

‘No excuse’

As part of the campaign residents are also being urged to report incidents of dog mess.

Councillor George Patterson, executive member for liveability, said: “Our environmental and street wardens are constantly on the lookout for people flouting the law so I would urge residents to pick up their share of free bags and make sure they use them.”

The Brits are very proper, so I’m going to say it since apparently they’re afraid to. It’s not a dog mess or dog fouling; it’s called poop, poo, chocolate sauce, black banana, doodie, kaka, lumpy fart, stanley steamer, etc. You get the point. Don’t be shy, just bark it out loud.

Under the Dogs (Fouling of Land) Act 1996, anyone failing to clean up after their pet could face a £50 fixed penalty fine or even a court appearance, with a possible fine of up to £1,000.

£1,000? Wow! Imagine the size of that dump.

Dudley Didn’t Do Right

OK…sometimes you have to give credit where credit is due, even if it is to a human. Here’s the story of a true heroin.

[Katie] Kiracofe crawled across a frozen pond Thursday, dragging a canoe, to rescue her dog, Dudley, who had fallen through a hole in the ice. After struggling to lift Dudley into the canoe, Kiracofe placed her own jacket over him and waited almost an hour for squads to come to her rescue.
“We stayed fairly warm, or warm-ish,” Kiracofe said Thursday evening after she and Dudley had gotten a chance to recover by the fire.
The incident began when Kiracofe’s aunt, who had been in a hot tub on the Kiracofes’ back porch, saw Dudley run across the backyard pond and fall through the ice.

So why did Dudley take off? Well, let’s just say that Kiracofe’s aunt may, just may, have the same body build as Kathy Bates in the movie About Schmidt. If you saw that up close and personal, you’d run with wild abandon too, but that’s still no excuse. Dudley didn’t do right by himself or his canine brotherhood.

Her aunt alerted Kiracofe, who wasn’t sure what to do.

“I was immediately in panic mode,” she said. Read more

Stepping In It

Crime fighters. Deep down inside that’s what we all want to be. Super Hero Crime Fighters actually. Here’s a little story of a canine with super hero poo.

Josue Herrios-Coronilla, 18, drove his black Camaro on the wrong side of the road Wednesday and crashed into the yard of man who owns four dogs, police said.

Police found crushed bushes, a damaged fence, an inoperable car — and a fresh shoe print in a pile of dog feces.

Following an odoriferous trail down the street, Sgt. Dale Gunter noticed a white van driving toward him. When he asked the passenger to step out, he noticed the smell of alcohol on the man’s breath and evidence all over his shoes.

Herrios-Coronilla was charged with driving while impaired and drinking underage and released on $1,500 bail. He could not immediately be reached for comment.

They don’t tell us which of the 4 dogs’ poop it was that attached itself to the felon’s shoes, but it’s safe to say that if you follow all four dogs around, our superhero is the one that squeezes out the extra soft and sticky stuff. He’s the one his buddies call ‘Taffy Ass’.

I love kitty taffy.

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