This Is Not What I Want

Grease – I love it, but not this type…

 

 

 

 

 

 

That is one hot dancer, and I ain’t talkin’ about the 50+ year old Olivia Newton John wanna be in this video, but I don’t see what all the excitement is about.

C’mon I dance with my mother too. Admittedly she only knows how to do the Chicken Dance but we nail the routine every time.

Dear Abby

More rubbish from, and for, our owners. Check out this advice column for humans about their pets.

First the question:

Dear Dog Lady: I think one reason I like my dog so much is that he’s so uncomplicated and direct. If he’s hungry, he’s hungry. If he wants to go out, he wants to go out. If he sticks his nose in the face or butt of another dog we meet on the street, he does so without worrying about being polite.

He’s in your face because it’s the only way he knows how to be. Why can’t people be more like dogs?

That’s a question from Chuck in Chicago. He seems like a smart man, probably a member of Mensa. Indeed, why can’t people be more like dogs? This world would certainly be a better place. But that’s not what the Dog Lady had in mind. Here’s her response:

Dear Chuck: You decline to mention dogs’ lack of linguistic prowess. This inability to articulate feelings and thoughts shrouds dogs in secrecy — despite their “in your face” habits. They also lack irony. Imagine teasing your dog: “Go ahead, big boy, pee on the carpet. See if I care.”

Whoa Dog Lady, where are you getting your information from? Yeah as a canine I may not talk but I’m great on a keyboard. As for the irony thing, sometimes humans don’t get it either. Imagine teasing a human, “Go ahead, clay, drop the Read more

Nighty Night, Don’t Let The Bed Bugs Bite

More ways canines are deployed for the benefit of our helpless humans.

In the 3 1/2 years it’s been open, Jurys Boston Hotel has never found bedbugs on its premises, nor have its guests complained about being bitten. Still, the luxury hotel in the Back Bay began dispatching a bedbug-sniffing dog to each of its 225 guest rooms last year.

Who knew you could grow up to be a bedbug-sniffing dog ? I don’t think it was even a class offered at my school let alone a career choice.

And when the canine detective barked, after detecting the suspicious scent of the itch-inducing insects or their eggs, the hotel fumigated two rooms and burned the mattresses.

I don’t know how you train to become one of these dogs, but it sounds like a pretty easy job. I’m sure the income is good and getting treats for a successful find is inevitable.

The only scary part is not knowing what else you’re inhaling up your nostrils. Those in the news magazine business (20/20, 48 hours, Outside The Lines) say to be careful of what you touch/smell in a hotel room. Although they disagree on what to avoid the most (some say it’s the bedspread, others say its the towels, while others still say it’s the bathroom door handle), I have it on good information that the last thing you want to be smelling is the remote control.

Turn on a black light in one of these rooms and you’ll understand why.

Red, 27, Hut, Hut, Hike!

A rescue worthy of the late 70′s show Emergency!.

DIFF the dog – left stranded on a south-east Queensland mountain – has been rescued in a tricky hour-long descent.

Diff, a bull mastiff, had already spent two nights on Mount Maroon, near the town of Rathdowney, after slipping down the cliff during a New Year’s Eve bushwalk with two men, aged 24 and 30.

Bushwalk? More like a bush league maneuver by the owners for leaving him there, if you ask me.

Authorities began searching for the men when they failed to return early on Tuesday and found them yesterday afternoon.

But Diff had to be left behind, as poor conditions made it unsafe for a rescue helicopter to retrieve him.

Would they have left a baby behind? I didn’t think so.

A rescue attempt earlier today was abandoned in strong winds and rain.

But late today, experienced climber Mark Gamble came to the rescue, successfully bringing a harnessed Diff down the mountain in a one-hour operation.

What was a bull mastiff doing hiking on a treacherous mountain anyway? You don’t see Rosie O’Donnell or Louie Anderson trying to climb Pike’s Peak. Why? Because they’re fat and would probably slip, ending up trapped on a ledge, that’s why.

A short time ago Diff’s owner, David Gibson said: “This is fantastic. I was relieved to have got off the mountain alive but having the dog back is fantastic.

“He probably saved our lives out there on the last night. He’s a fantastic dog.

“He is in good health and we’re going to take him to the vet now just to have him checked over.

“I got him into trouble and I’m just so relieved to have him back.”

Anyone notice that Diff saved his owner’s life but the favor wasn’t returned? Humans, they’re so into themselves.

Fore!

Snakes are amateurs.

BRISBANE, Australia – A snake was saved by surgery in Australia after mistaking four golf balls for a meal of chicken eggs, a veterinarian said Wednesday.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve made mistakes too when looking for stuff to eat; most notably mistaking my mother’s chicken with turkey jerky. But I have never mistaken a sporting goods item with food…unless you count my father’s softball glove. Hey, that’s cowhide so it’s technically ok.

A couple had placed the balls in their chicken coup in New South Wales state to encourage their hen to nest, the Australian Associated Press reported.

Interesting…can you imagine how big the eggs would have been if they put four volleyballs in there.

The balls disappeared, and the couple found a lumpy-looking carpet python nearby.

I’m glad I’m not their dog. Who’s knows what they would have done when they saw a lumpy-looking, carpet lying canine nearby.

They took the 32-inch nonvenomous snake to the nearby Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary, where senior veterinarian Michael Pyne operated to remove the balls from the snake’s intestine.

I’m sure the snake has enough issues of its own without the world having to know it’s nonvenomous. The media has no shame.

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Slippery When Wet

This article leaves me speechless.

BREMERTON, Wash. (AP) – A 25-year-old woman was arrested for investigation of second-degree assault for getting into an argument with her boyfriend over whether his dog should be in the bathroom while the couple were taking a shower together.

Before I judge, I need to know the reason Fido was allowed in the bathroom. If it was to drop a duece in the bowl then there’s really nothing wrong here. Some dogs can’t hold it as long as others, and this man may just have been looking out for his best friend’s bowel movement.

The police report said the woman punched him in the face several times and the man dislocated his shoulder after the naked couple grappled. He told police his girlfriend threw a picture frame, which broke and cut him.

Why do I get a mental image of two Shar-Peis fighting naked in a trailer park?

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