Bad Air Day

So I had to go the vet the other day for an embarrassing situation. Here’s exactly what happened…

“So what’s the problem, Bo?” the vet asked.

“I’ve been farting a lot. I mean I fart all the time,” I tell her.

She just nods, encouraging me to talk some more.

So I continue, “Luckily, my farts don’t stink and you can’t hear them. It’s just that I can’t stop it. Look, we’ve been talking here for about 10 minutes and I’ve farted five times. You didn’t hear them and you didn’t smell them, did you?”
She just says, “Hmmm,” and then picks up her pad and writes out a prescription.

What a relief, someone that can help me with my problem!

So I say, “Thanks doc. This prescription, it’s going to clear up my farts, right?”

“Well, no,” she said, “the prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test.”

Human Preyers

Belief in a higher power can get you through the tough times. For some people, this higher power is called upon to aid their pets. Just read this story for more…

MASAYA, Nicaragua (Reuters) – Hundreds of dogs, many dressed as babies or clowns, were taken to celebrate mass in this Nicaraguan town on Sunday, an annual ritual where the owners pray for their pets to be cured or avoid falling ill.

My parents took me there years ago, to pray for a cure for my loss of hearing. It wasn’t until years later they realized I was able to hear them, it’s just that I didn’t listen.

A long queue of Catholics, carrying their pets or leading them on leashes, waited their turn to pass by an image of a saint in a tiny church in this town 20 miles to the south of the Nicaragua capital, Managua. Read more

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Hippity Hoppity Easter’s On Its Way

Here’s the first sign that the Easter Bunny is coming soon.

MORTON, Ill. (AP) – They held their Easter egg hunt a bit early in the Tazewell County town of Morton, but the participants couldn’t read the calendar, anyway. They were dogs.

Nearly 300 people brought their dogs Saturday for the Pet Pantry’s first-ever canine Easter egg hunt – an event which raised approximately $1,200 for Foster Pet Outreach.

Hey this sounds pretty cool. My canine brothers get to sharpen their hunting skills and benefit other pack members in the process. Nice.

Owners led their dogs around the park as they searched for the colorful imitation eggs.

What? Imitation eggs? I knew it was too good to be true. Everyone knows Egg Beaters just don’t smell the same as a regular, old fashioned rotting eggs. I want my donation back for it gets worse…

After the dogs and their owners were finished, they opened the eggs to reveal slips of paper listing various small prizes.

Great…slips of paper. Don’t the organizers know of the illiteracy epidemic raging within the canine community? It does make one wonder what the small prizes listed were, though? I’m thinking it included things like a tub of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, a carton of Splenda, and a rubber chicken .

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Fahtin Mahtin

Here’s a quick joke for you all…

Mahtin goes to pick up his date for the evening. She’s not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents.

He has a bad case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure.

Luckily, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.

He farts, and the woman yells, “Shep, get down from there.”

The guy thinks, “Great, they think the dog did it.” He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.

This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, “Dammit Shep, get down before he poops on you.”

Dexter

First off, I’m a big fan of the show Dexter. A vigilante, serial killer with a dry sense of humor, how could you not like it? So this story caught my eye, if only for the fact that the canine involved was named Dexter. Regardless, it’s still a tremendous tail…

A couple told yesterday how their pet labrador plunged over the edge of a 115ft cliff and landed unharmed in the sea below.

Dexter the one-year-old labrador was unharmed by his fall at Old Harry Rocks

The one-year-old, named Dexter, survived the drop without injury and was even able to doggy-paddle to a lifeboat that had been called to rescue him.

The dog was with owners Jonathan and Christine Dodd, who were out for a walk at Old Harry Rocks near Swanage, Dorset, on their eighth wedding anniversary.

Mr Dodd, 40, said he and his wife were about to put Dexter on a lead when the excited dog saw the sea and jumped off the cliff.

Yeah, it was the sea that made Dexter run away and jump off a cliff. Nothing to do with the owners, I’m sure. Nothing to see here, just move along.

“I couldn’t bring myself to look over the edge as I thought he was a goner. There was no way he could have survived that fall, it was a sheer drop.

“There was a party of schoolchildren standing further along the cliff edge and they gave out a shriek when they saw Dexter go over. But then one of them said he was OK and was swimming towards the shore.”
Luckily, Dexter had bounced off the uneven surface of the cliff and the shallow water broke his fall.

But due to the secluded location of the beach the couple could not walk down to fetch him.

Mr Dodd, from Hilton, near Blandford, summoned the emergency services and the Swanage lifeboat crew arrived in a rigid inflatable boat.

Mr Dodd, whose wife is a clinical pharmacist at Salisbury hospital, said: “Dexter normally hates boats but he must have been so relieved to see this one because he doggy-paddled out towards it.

“I met the lifeboat further along the beach and I was amazed because there wasn’t a single scratch on him. He is a very white dog but he is a bit pale now after what happened.”

Becky Mack, from the Swanage lifeboat, said: “Some dogs are just incredibly lucky and Dexter is one of them.”

Some humans are lucky too. Just look at how lucky my parents are to have me.

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The Gambler

This article is a heads up to the gamblers in the Bo Knows crowd wondering why bookies have stopped taking bets for the Crufts dog show in Europe.

A leading bookmaker has stopped taking bets on the Crufts dog show amid fears that a mystery “superdog” could scoop the top prize.

William Hill has suspended betting on who will win Best in Show after the odds shortened considerably yesterday.

Gamblers have staked large sums on the winner coming from the utility category, which includes miniature poodles and dalmations.

William Hill says it fears the competition may feature a “superdog” that is has previously not heard of.

Ever since this article hit the wires, my phone has been ringing off the hook asking whether I’m the ‘superdog’ in question. While I am a superdog, I don’t plan on entering the competition. So, let me categorically deny it once and for all, no I’m not entering this competition.

I’m off now to place my bet. On who? It’s on an unknown dog named BoNose.

Hump Day

Here’s something to keep you entertained while you read this blog.

USB gadgets aren’t always useful… such as this USB Humping Dog. Sometimes they’re just beyond belief. Product developers could just spend their time inventing the next best thing since sliced bread, but no, bless them.

The world would be a very dull place if it wasn’t for there being inventors out there with enough time on their hands to come up with something so stratospherically stupid as this, the USB Humping Dog.

Well you’ve got to do something with your USB ports, so you might as well have a laugh with them. Pop this excitable pup into your PC’s USB port and watch as he starts high-speed-humping your machine, yes really. This pint size version or our worryingly popular Humping Dog may not be the next best thing since sliced bread, but it’s a lot funnier.

The family friendly version is here.

What can I say, some dogs just love technology.

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Judge Cujo and Justice

The US Postal service is always surprised when canines take a well deserved shot across their bow. The latest incident is outlined here…

Maybe the theory comes from cartoons, but it’s generally believed that dogs and mailmen are archenemies.

That theory was tested Wednesday in West Manheim Township.

Police responded to 960 Grand Valley Road after rural-route letter carrier Robin Barton called from her cell phone, telling police she was trapped in her vehicle.

Barton, who usually does not cover that route, drove up the long, steep driveway to the Dekelbaum residence to deliver a package. As she turned around at the top of the hill near the house, a Rottweiler and a pit-bull mix attacked her Jeep Cherokee.

“Yes, I was frightened,” she said later.

I’d be frighened too. Have you seen the repair records on those Jeep Cherokees?

Barking and growling, the dogs ran around in a fury and attacked her tires. They snipped, bit and snarled and flattened three of them. The owners were not home to round up their dogs, and Barton was trapped.

The dogs, Judge and Justice, stayed in the yard, not letting her go.

In interviews after the incident, the dogs demanded the delivery of this month’s BoKnowsOnline.com newsletter. Their actions are, therefore, considered appropriate by this blogger.

When West Manheim Police pulled up the driveway, the dogs charged the cruiser, barking and striking at one of the tires. Police pulled back down to the road so as not to get stuck there with Barton.

Police Chief Tim Hippensteel said he had never seen anything like it before.

His deputy, Tom Leggenplastic said he’d seen something like it before, once. It was on an episode of Car 54, Where Are You?

Dekelbaum drove her yellow Mustang down the road, and was surprised to see two police cruisers, with flashing lights, and an animal control truck outside her house.

Usually it’s just one police cruiser with an animal control truck outside her house.

She pulled up the driveway, got out of her car, and the dogs turned instantly from Cujos into happy, bounding puppies.

“They’re generally sweethearts,” she said, blaming a recently acquired tire toy for the attack on Barton’s vehicle.

Questions about the circumstances around the tragic death of the Michelin Man on her property just a few weeks ago went unanswered.

Dekelbaum apologized, and Barton left with acting postmaster Bobbi Pfaff to finish her route.

Finished the route? C’mon, the only thing finished that day was a double scotch at the local saloon.

Quick Withdrawal

Modern day dog’s are so much more technologically advanced than me and my generation. Just read this story on dogs using ATMs. In my day, all that was ever taught to ‘assistance dogs’ was how to write out a check. Time flies when your begging for food…

They might not be able to help if you forget your Pin, but these dogs can get your money out without paws-ing for thought.

The pooches are among an army of ‘assistance dogs’ who have been trained to withdraw money from cash machines for their disabled owners.

They are adept at inserting and withdrawing cards at ATMs to help owners in wheelchairs who are often not able to stretch far enough to do it themselves.

A spokesman for charity Canine Partners, which trains the dogs, said: ‘They put in the card and take it out and take out the money and give it to the person in the wheelchair.

I wonder whether they’re also trained to accept the ATM surcharge when prompted? Read more

Love In An Elevator

I’ve found it!! The solution to my recent problems. It isn’t so much a solution for me as it is for my father. You see, we have a bunch of stairs in our house that have become rather difficult for me to navigate. My hips are bit worn and my knees are a worthy testatment to the many years of squirrel chasing under my collar. This has resulted in my father carrying me up and down the stairs. Don’t feel sorry for him, he can use the exercise. I have to run and wake him to tell him all about this.

Hitching a ride on a stair-lift might look lazy – but for Henry the bulldog, it’s an essential means of transport.The creature has such short, stumpy legs, that he is unable to negotiate the stairs at his home in Germany, near Hamburg.

When owners Henry Conny and Bernhard Schrader brought Henry to their farm as a puppy, it was easy enough to carry him up and down the stairs.

But now he’s an adult, Henry is simply too heavy to hoist – leaving them with a dilemma.But the pair, who breed horses, came up with a solution when they improvised a lift to transport Henry up the stairs.

Now all Henry needs to do is learn how to push a button to start the mechanism and he can glide up and down the stairs to his heart’s content.

I’m pretty sure this will stop all the talk in the house about an elevator being too expensive. My old man is going to love building this thing…but what are the chances I’m actually going to push that button if I know they’ll do it for me?

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