Wanna Go For A Ride?

For all you old timers out there, do you remember how excited you used to get when it was time for a car ride? Check out this pup as he gets the question, “Wanna go for a ride? ”

Note the sounds of a jealous, car door opening challenged cat in the background.

 

 

 

 

 

Insurance Claims

It appears what ails the human healthcare/insurance business is spreading to the pet side of the house as well.

Some vets are carrying out costly, non-essential procedures, which could be leading to increased premiums for pet owners, a leading insurer has said.

The increasing cost of claims means insurers have had to increase premiums.

Just under a quarter of all cat and dog owners hold an insurance plan in case their pets need treatment - and that figure is growing.

Wow…I’m surprised that the number of pets covered is that high. I know my parents recently tried to get insurance for me but thought it wasn’t cost effective. Apparently the average insurance premium for a dog over 16 years of age is somewhere between five and six thousand dollars per month. Based on my recent history, that’s actually not out of line.

Figures from Petplan, the biggest provider of pet insurance in the UK, show the average claim per condition has nearly doubled in five years to £715 for a dog and £501 for a cat.

Wendy Dean, from Warwickshire, said she was horrified when she was told that the insurance premiums for Jo-Jo and Robyn, her two five-year-old cocker spaniels, had risen by 58% and 68%.

You know what else has doubled over the past five years? My prostate.

“What we see is a tendency to select more expensive and elegant forms of diagnosis over something more pragmatic,” said Mr Price.
“If MRI is not clinically indicated as the necessary means of diagnosis when an x-ray would have been perfectly sufficient, we do tend to question why on earth that diagnostic technique was chosen.”

Although I suspect Mr. Price wouldn’t hold that view it if it was his health in question.

Nick Blaynay, president of the British Veterinary Association, agreed that it was becoming more expensive to insure a pet but said rising costs were for a number of reasons.

One was that there were now “extremely expensive techniques” available to vets.

Extremely expensive techniques like full body scans, complete blood analysis and expressing fully loaded anal glands.

However, he strongly denied vets were doing anything inappropriate.

“The vet should always put the welfare of the animal before any other consideration. If he doesn’t, shame on him.”

You know what’s really shameful? Taking an elderly dog’s temperature by sticking a thermometer up his ass.

Stick Insects And Stones May Break My Bones

Forward this article on to your owners so they will understand how lucky they are to own you. It’s about a new pet that isn’t the least bit threatening to our relationship with the hand that feeds us.

THERE is something more bizarre than keeping a stick insect as a pet. Naming it “The Cardinal.”

Laurie Hayes had never seen a stick insect before he found “The Cardinal” in the front yard of his Narellan home last Monday.

He named it “The Cardinal”? Why not something like, uh, ‘Stick’. As in: “Hey Stick, did you see that wooden match on FireTV last night?”, “Stick, you dog. I see you checking out the knot holes on that tree.”, “Is that a twig in your pants or are you just happy to see me, Stick?”.

“I was cutting roses for my wife and I thought my rose bush was dying,” he said.

“I saw some magpies in the jacaranda eyeing him…so I cut the branch off the rose bush and kept him in a baby’s bath.”

I have no idea what he just said.

He then transferred the 30-centimetre-long insect to his aviary in the backyard, where it shares a dirt floor and lush plants with a few birds and some fish. Mr Hayes said The Cardinal was”more than happy” in its new environment.

I know, that’s not different than where a lot of us spend time. At least Stick has the company of birds and fish in his sanctuary. I’m sure he’s as happy as we are when we’re in our crates.

Mr Hayes said he was a bit unsure about the stick insect at first. “I was a bit wary but now he seems most contented,” he said. “He’s a friendly little fella.”

Honestly how do they know? Does the Cardinal show it by purring like a kitten, cooing like a dove or chewing cud like a cow?

Mr Fellenberg will hold a meeting on endangered stick insects on April 19. Details: 0419696691

And I’ll be holding a meeting on endangered canine treats the same day. Please join me at 1-800-Bo-Treat.

Numbers Game

Some think this dog is amazing . Me, I’m not surprised.

In case you missed this one, a Mission Viejo woman’s dog — a 9-year-old cockapoo known as Cookie Einstein — has become a celebrity of sorts for her apparent mathematical abilities, the O.C. Register’s Niyaz Pirani reported over the weekend.

She [Cookie] adds, subtracts, multiplies, divides and calculates square roots and simple algebra through barking. And Cookie can answer if the question’s asked in either English or Spanish.

Bi-lingual and good in math…she must have scored well on her SATs.

Cookie won’t respond to anybody but Miller, and she won’t bark unless there’s a treat involved — sliced turkey being one of her favorites. You might think that there are signals communicated between owner and pet; instead, Miller simply holds Cookie’s mouth until she’s ready to hear the answer.

Do I doubt Cookie knows the answers? Of course not, for every canine knows we’ve been bred to be good at math. We’re constantly counting the number of treats we have been given in a day, match that against recent trends and do a quick regression analysis to determine the likelihood of getting more. It’s as instinctive as chasing a cat, or a mailman.

I wonder what would happen if Miller asked Cookie to tell her the value of Pi?

Anyway, if you’re skeptical take a look at the video below:

 

The Odd Couple

I’ve heard of May-December romances, speed dating and even online dating hookups but interspecies dating is something I just can’t get my paws wrapped around. Let me know how you feel about this disturbing story about a distant cousin of mine.

A Chinese zoo says a wolf and a goat have become unlikely sweethearts after sharing a cage together.

Keepers at the zoo, in White Tower Park, Nanchong city, says the pair have become inseparable.

“If the goat is gone for a bit, the wolf will howl and run frantically around the cage until she comes back,” said keeper, Mr Xu.

Clearly a jealous wolf, he forbids her to talk with the giraffes, rhinos and most importanly the dingo’s in the neighborhood.

Prey and predator only started dating by accident a month ago, Xu told the West China City News.

“Early one morning I opened the goat’s fence to let her out to eat, and unexpectedly the wolf came out, because we hadn’t locked his cage securely,” he said.

“The wolf ran straight to the goat’s fence, and started howling when it smelled the goat.

“Hey, how you doin?” the wolf asked the goat as he eyed her from hoof to head. Never having been hit on, the goat didn’t know what to do so it just stood there, frozen.

Xu says he had to protect the goat until other employees came to help separate the animals.

Against the best advice from zookeepers and her parents to steer clear of the wolf, the goat started to open up to her suitor.

“…for the next several nights the two started getting to know each other better, and even exchanged howls and baas. You could tell they were flirting,” says Xu.

Five days later Xu and his colleagues came to a decision: “We thought, since they so much wanted to, why not put them together? It’s really rare for a wolf and a goat to be so close.”

The zoo says that since being put together, the wolf and the goat have done everything together - except share meals. The wolf sticks to his meat while the goat enjoys a vegetable diet.

That’s wolfie for you, cheap as a cat.

Although the goat is hopeful of a proposal soon, sources close to the wolf say that an engagement is not in the works. They stated “Why buy the goat when you get milk and cheese for free, and it throws in a weekly lawn mowing to boot?”

I, Robot

I dig robots, especially ones that are created to serve you . Apparently humans feel the same way. How else to explain these two robots created in canine form. First off we have the military industrial complex’s vision of man’s best friend.

Boston Dynamics is developing a quadruped robot the size of a large dog that walks, runs, climbs on rough terrain and carries heavy loads.

Dubbed BigDog, it is powered by a petrol engine that drives a hydraulic actuation system. Its legs are articulated like an animal’s, and have compliant elements that absorb shock and recycle energy from one step to the next.

BigDog has an on-board computer that controls its locomotion through servos on its legs. The control system manages the dynamics of its behaviour to keep it balanced, as well as help it to be steered.

On board sensors measure the BigDogs joint position, joint force, ground contact, and ground load. They are complemented by a stereo vision system and a laser gyro that help with navigation. Other sensors focus on the internal state of BigDog, monitoring its hydraulic pressure, oil temperature, engine temperature, rpm, and battery charge.

And all this time I was using my brain to do the same thing. Silly me.

In separate trials, BigDog has shown that it can run at 4mph, climb slopes up to 35 degrees, walk across rubble and carry a 340lb load.

Yeah, but can it take a dump in the middle of the living room and survive?

While Boston Dynamics focuses its BigDog line at the working dog class, Sony Electronics targets the lazy home dog class, of which I am a member, with its Aibo robotic dog.

Sony Electronics has bred the third generation of its Aibo robotic dog to be faster, smarter — and floppy-eared.

Looks like they’re breeding robots doggy style, eh.

The company’s Entertainment Robot America division on Thursday announced that the ERS-7 model of Aibo is more responsive to voice and touch commands than previous models. And with improved infrared sensors, it is better able to avoid walls, obstacles and edges.

I too have become more responsive to voice and touch commands as the years have gone by, however my sensors for avoiding walls and obstacles are on the fritz. Just feel the bumps on my head for evidence.

The ERS-7 can understand nearly 180 voice commands and, using visual-pattern recognition technology, can find its Energy Station and recharge itself when its battery runs low, the company said. It also features Illume-Face, an LED (light-emitting diode) face panel that lets it better express its feelings, emotions and current conditions.

It’s amazing how life like they can make these things. I too understand tens of words, use visual-pattern recognition technology to identify treats and know when to recharge my batteries by sleeping all day. I choose, however, not to show my emotions. That’s a sign of weakness.
The only question humans need to ask themselves is, “When Skynet becomes self-aware in 2010 at 2:14am, will these robots remain man’s best friend?”

Cavity Search

Brushing is not enough. Don’t believe me? Just ask your dentist. He’ll tell you flossing is just as important. Canines are well versed in the art of mouth cleanliness. How else to explain our ability to lick our ass and still have less germs in our mouths than a human’s? Cats on the other hand are all about cleaning their coat but not their teeth. That’s what prompted the development of a new company called Animal Solutions.

FANGS a lot - a group of Sheffield College students are helping to keep kitties content after developing the first ever range of false teeth for cats.
Seventeen-year-old Rachel Gilbert is one of eight animal care students who have come with help for unfortunate felines who have to have their damaged gnashers removed.

Rachel and her team have set up their own business Animal Solutions, and are hoping to make a mint out of their very particular product.

One of 17 finalists from colleges and universities across the country, Rachel will have two minutes to sell her ideas to a tough team of judges.

Rachel, studying for a diploma in animal management, said the product could help out dogs as well as cats.

I guess I could see a dog needing false teeth if it inadvertently picked up a rock that was too big, or chewed too many aluminum cans, or picked up my father’s underwear without a mouthguard. Regardless, it’s cats that have poor dental hygiene and the main target for this product.

 

“When animals suffer broken or rotten teeth, they have had to be removed,” she said. “The gum can become infected and they find it difficult to chew food. We aim to reduce animals’ suffering and improve their quality of life.

“We’ve carried out some research on whether the false teeth would be viable, and spoken to vets and business people who love the idea.”

The team approached Castle College’s dental technology department who made a mould for a cat with a broken canine - and then a prototype false tooth was created.

Why stop at false teeth…Maybe they can make a prototype of a cat’s head and replace the real one with it.

“We are now looking at how Animal Solutions could be developed further, for example whether it could be extended to different animals such as sheep. “

Maybe we should focus our efforts on the shepherds first.

1040 Good Buddy

As I look out my office window I see the cherry blossoms, tulips and bears awakening from their winter slumber. This only means one thing; it’s tax time. I hope the IRS doesn’t read this because I have to admit that I haven’t filed a tax return in my life. My father however will be working the weekend to insure a timely submission.

So this article is rather timely on what he can and can’t deduct as it relates to me.

That’s right — Bankrate’s back with another nine of the craziest tax write-offs you’ve ever heard of, in the hope it will make paying your 2007 federal income tax a little bit easier.

For our previous installment of the nine weirdest write-offs, we combed the country collecting stories from certified public accountants about the craziest tax deductions they’d ever seen. The search turned up plenty of ingenious ways in which taxpayers have tried to justify deducting everything from ostrich breeding and dog food to sperm donations.

Dogs once again get their due in this year’s collection. Though our pets may seem like part of the family, as we will see, attempts to treat them as actual dependents — or more outrageously, subcontractors — simply won’t fly with the Internal Revenue Service.

Let’s take a look at the specific doggie deductions shall we…

Dog-ductions, part 1
What dog lover hasn’t melted when man’s best friend gives him that baleful look as he heads off to work? One taxpayer decided to create his own tax rule to ease the pain: “There is one individual who tried to deduct a day-care expense for their dog,” Barghini says.

“The person was working, and they didn’t feel that the dog should be left alone, so they hired somebody to watch the dog, then tried to take a day-care tax credit for the doggy-sitting. The dog clearly was an economic dependent, but not for tax purposes.”

Sounds legit to me and I’m sure to all you fuzzy pawed readers out there. Really, what’s the difference to the government if your owner pays for the supervision of a cute, adorable canine or a snotty nosed, poop machine. If you ask me canine racism at the upper echelon of gov’t is at play here, but that’s another story for another day. Read more

Silly Rabbit - Tricks Are For Kids

I’ve never been into dog tricks; they’re rather, oh I don’t know, beneath me. However, play me in a game of three card monte and I’ll be walking away with your owner and your collar. I can’t say whether one is better than the other but Cindy the spaniel decided to go the first route, learning to be the queen of dog tricks in the process.

An eight-year-old dog is amazing her owners and neighbours with an astonishing array of tricks.

Cindy, a pedigree cavalier King Charles spaniel, can balance objects on all four paws while lying down.

She can also keep a golf ball in a spoon held in her mouth while balancing objects on her head.

Proud owner Mark Bucknell, from Wednesfield, in the West Midlands, said: “Who needs the telly when you’ve got a dog like this?”

Mrs. Savales for one.

He said the family started teaching Cindy tricks when they took her in as an eight-month old.

Cindy is also a dab hand with a golf ball and a spoon

Ron Bucknell, 75, said the family had run out of tricks to teach her.

That’s not what Buddy, her pimp told me but who am I to shatter Ron’s world?

It took her six months to learn to wait for her reward but, despite having undergone two leg operations since, her circus skills have remained intact.

She pees like an elephant, eats like a lion, and loves to go car riding with a bunch of clowns. I guess they’re right, her circus skills seem to be intact.

Mr Bucknell had this advice for his envious fellow dog owners. “You don’t do the dog any favours if you leave it as a dumb mut.

It’s the same advice I have for canines. You don’t do your owners any favors by leaving them dumb. Make sure to train them to feed you, walk you and let you out to do your business on your schedule not theirs.

The Crying Game

Although people say, “Bo, you look so cute with that arm in your mouth,” others in my canine class aren’t as lucky.

If you’re a Doberman, German Shephard or a Pit Bull people automatically give you a wide berth and the fish eye. Although gentle on the inside they are the stuff of nightmares for the foot soldiers in the US Postal Service.

What’s an owner to do in order to reduce this prejudice? How about this…

Are you sick of people looking at your breed of dog in fear because politicians and the media are saying things like;

“We want to breed these dogs out of existence,”

“They are killing machines on a leash.”

“These breeds don’t belong in our community”

Well worry no longer, Attachchi will be making disguises for all the so called ‘dangerous breeds’. Now you can go to the park with your kids and your dog (like you have been doing for years), without the worry of people thinking you are a bad parent. All our Invisible Breed Products^TM are currently FREE to to responsible dog owners.

What does the Ultra Poodle Disguise Kit for Dobermans^TM contain?

- ‘Tibet’ fake fur pieces (4 ankle pieces, one body piece, head piece and tail attachment)
- Safe suit fitting method statement and instructions.
- High Quality duct tape
- Under harness
- Black face paint (safe for dogs)

Just look at how cute this poodle is.

Ha! Fooled you. That’s actually a doberman!

Just remember, be careful what you chat up at the local watering hole. What you bring home may not be what you expected.

« Previous Page