Still the Beave

Dam I'm GoodWhat is it with kid actors? Why is it they inevitably end up breaking the law? The latest is Jerry Mathers and what appears to be trouble with vodka.

Beaver Breaks Into Liquor Store

An urgent report from the city of Ozersk in Chelyabinsk Region on Friday night, revealed that a big wild animal had broken into a local store.It said a large amount of hard liquor had been wasted as a result of the incident.

No, it wasn’t The Beaver and it turns out it wasn’t Ted Kennedy either. But it was a rascally looking creature intent on self destruction. Since this occurred in Russia, this willful waste of liquor will be punishable by serving 20 years on the Gulag River, building dams with toothpicks.

When arriving at the scene, the Emergencies ministry workers, discovered a huge beaver in the pavilion. The critter was not afraid of people and when the emergency crew arrived it calmly continued with its personal hygiene.

Before being caught the beaver went on a small excursion of the shop, which included a stop at the alcohol section. There the animal tried to climb on one of the shelves and knocked several bottles of vodka on the floor.

To get at the vodka, I imagine the beaver took two bottles of Smirnoff, laid on its back and proceeded to smash the two bottles together. It’s the same procedure I use with my parents to knock some sense into them. You know, like when they buy dry dog food and forget the Beneful.

Apparently, the animal was trying to escape the forest fires troubling the region recently.

Yeah, we’re all looking for excuses for our bad behavior, but if this is a forest fires’ unintended consequence then how come you never hear of Smokey the Bear looting the local rangers’ outpost for Jack Daniels?


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