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Monkey Business

Another Year Older Without A StarMonkey see, monkey do. That’s the explanation I come up with as to why a damn, dirty ape won’t keep his mitts off the honor of being on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Clearly driven by the sight of Lassie’s and Rin Tin Tin’s names between his toes as he peruses the shops on Hollywood Blvd, Cheeta the monkey actor is pushing to get his name put there as well.

LOS ANGELES – Three stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame have gone to the dogs, so why can’t Cheeta the chimp get some love? The animal actor, whose credits include the 1967 comedy “Dr. Doolittle” and the “Tarzan” movies, is trying for the seventh time to get a sidewalk star and become the first monkey to get the honor.

If fame is the measurement, then you know who should get a star instead of Cheeta? Clyde from Every Which Way But Loose fame. C’mon, any ape willing to kiss Ruth Gordon on the lips deserves a star.

Cheeta’s “inclusion on the Hollywood Walk of Fame will not only give recognition to one of the international, animal megastars of all time, but focus attention on his fellow primates in the wilds of Africa who now face extinction,” the petition reads.

In all honesty I wasn’t impressed with the ‘megastar’ Cheeta’s acting skills. I thought in Tarzan he relied too much on his looks to pull off his character, finding his emotional range very limited. If he was any good, wouldn’t he have been cast in Planet of the Apes, or at least one of the many sequels? He’s like Keanu Reeves, pretty to look at but not much going on underneath.

The petition notes that Cheeta’s canine colleagues Lassie, and 1920s stars Rin Tin Tin and Strongheart are immortalized on the boulevard, along with fictional animals Kermit the Frog, Godzilla and Donald Duck.

What? No star for Fozzie Bear?

The 76-year-old chimp, who the Guinness World Records has called the oldest living, non-human primate, is retired and lives in Palm Springs. Cheeta also has a MySpace page, which lists painting “Ape-Stract Art” among his hobbies, and The Monkees his favorite band.

Not metnioned is his favorite actor, inspiration and identical twin, George Burns.

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