Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle

I’m gonna get you, suckaWhen I think dangerous, things like knives, guns and chocolate come to mind. The last thing I would think about is a tortoise, and apparently that oversight is what could get me killed. Check out this story of the most dangerous turtle in Britain.

If you see this tortoise, do not approach him. He may be unarmed but he is certainly dangerous.
Rupert, who has attacked children and dogs, is on the run after escaping through a hole in a fence.

I can see why a behemoth tortoise would take down a few kids, for they are generally loud, obnoxious and all grabby like. But why, oh why, would the turtle attack a dog? It’s senseless unless, of course if it was a loud mouth pug. Then I could understand.

The sprightly 60-year-old is always one step ahead of the law – or rather 77-year-old owner Jean Pogson – because he legs it at 4mph before she can grab him.

I just realized my old man needs to be careful of a turtle attack. He only does 3mph on the treadmill.

Mrs Pogson’s daughter, Joyce Thomas, says the North African spur-thighed pet gets extremely aggressive and is warning neighbours in Gosport, Hampshire not to go near him.
‘He has quite a temper and has been known to bite children plus dogs and other animals,’ said Mrs Thomas, 47.
‘I would advise people to exercise extreme caution when going near him because he may nip. Most of the time he is OK but if he is in a bad mood there’s no telling what he may do,’ she added.

It makes me wonder what puts Rupert into a bad mood? Is it the turtle in the fast lane only walking two miles per hour or could it be the refusal of his children to keep their shells clean or maybe he’s still unhappy about not being cast as Leonardo in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movies? Regardless, his behavior justifies the ‘Mean Turtles Suck’ sticker on my crate.

Rupert, who has a hole in his shell caused by a run-in with a garden fork, was once introduced to children visiting from Chernobyl – and rather spoiled the proceedings.
They’d not seen a tortoise before and he bit one of them,’ said Mrs Thomas.

As well as being dangerous, Rupert is now the only tortoise that glows in the dark.


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