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Working For The Man

You’re Fired!We all wonder at times what owners do when they leave the house for nine hours out of the day, only to come back stressed and mentally drained. What are they doing, and why are they doing it? It’s called work and this week you may be lucky enough to find out what goes on.

Take Your Dog to Work Day is June 20, which leaves you little more than a week to convince your boss to let you spread a little interspecies cheer – not to mention dog hair – around the office.

If you do get the green light, remember that you only have this one chance to make a good first impression – and create the possibility of an annual company tradition. Here are some tips for success:

Nobody has to worry about me making a good first impression. Just let me know if you want me to pee or poop first. It’s up to you, I’m easy going that way. Somehow I think that the ‘expert’ writing this may have other ideas. Let’s take a look shall we?

1 TIRE HIM OUT One way to ensure an angelic-looking dog in repose is a good workout. If you have a young, energetic dog, take him for a long morning run before you get to the office.

No worry there. I’m 103, I ain’t going anywhere there isn’t a treat or a hammock.

2 BRING DISTRACTIONS Your dog doesn’t have the benefit of being able to sneak a game of computer solitaire to alleviate his corporate boredom. Instead, bring a tried-and-true standby: a rubber Kong (toykong.com) stuffed with favorite treats.

You know what distracts a dog on bonus time the best? Unplugging his oxygen machine.

3 CREATE A REFUGE You need a place for your dog to retreat if he’s overwhelmed by all your colleagues and the newness of the situation.

Why would the author suggest creating refugees. I’m with Tom Petty, who sang it best, “You see you don’t have to live like a refugee.” as the cats in the background sing “Don’t have to live like a refugee”.

Oops, the editor just pointed out it’s refuge, as in a safe place to stay, not refugee. Nevermind.

4 TAKE THE STAIRS “If you work on the upper floors of a building, try taking the stairs – some dogs may be terrified of the elevator,” suggests Nancy Hassel of the Dog Federation of New York (dogfederationofnew york.org).

I’ll take the stairs if my old man carries me up and down them. Otherwise, Otis is the man.

5 AVOID ACCIDENTS Nothing sours a boss on canine visitors like a poop pile in the utility closet. Make sure your dog relieves himself before you get to the office, take him out for regular potty breaks, and don’t let him off leash to wander.

In a closet? How will people truly appreciate the artwork if it’s hidden. That’s like putting the Mona Lisa on display at a Florida Marlins’ game. Nobody is going to see it.

6 KEEP IT FRIENDLY It should go without saying, but let me say it anyway: If your dog is not friendly, to humans or other dogs, don’t bring him to the office. It won’t end well.

I’m just glad my father doesn’t work for the Atlanta Falcons football team. I heard last year’s take your dog to work day was a complete disaster.

Visit takeyourdog.com for a downloadable guide for bringing your dog to work.

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