Salt and Vinegar Immobiliser Chips
June 23 | 1 Comment
Here’s a story from a few years ago that I stumbled upon between naps. It’s still relevant in today’s high tech world.
A breakdown patrol man who came to the rescue of a woman motorist has managed to get her car started using her dog.
How do you start a car with a dog? I guess you can stick its tail in the ignition and see if it starts or maybe attach the car to the dog like a rickshaw and pop it into gear when it gets rolling fast enough. What other solutions could there be?
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Dog Diary vs Cat Diary
June 23 | 3 Comments
If you were human, tell me, which would you rather hang out with after reading these diary entries?
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG’S DIARY
Day number 182
8:00 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am – OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm – ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM – OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT’S DIARY
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture…Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 – Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors,I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair…must try this On their bed.
DAY 765 – Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was… Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still LODGED between my teeth.
DAY 771 – There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event, however, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call “beer.” More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 – I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and he speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my activities. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time…
-Author Unknown
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The Freedom Trampoline
June 22 | Hmmm...No Comments Yet
I consider myself an above average escape artist. I’ve dug out beneath a fence, eaten the slats off of a fence and run through a fence but I’ve never flown over one. I thought you need to be a bird to do that. Well, Harvey the Bull Terrier has just proven me wrong.
One moment Harvey, a three-year-old Staffordshire Bull Terrier, was alone in the garden, the next he disappeared.
Before we go on…you say Harvey is its name, and it disappears? Are we sure we’re not talking about a man sized rabbit here?
Back Scratcher
June 22 | 3 Comments
You ever have one of those itches that you just can’t reach? It’s frustrating, especially when you don’t have anybody around to scratch it for you. It looks as if the dog in this video has figured out a way for a self service back scratch. Oooohh that looks like it feels good…just look at those legs twitching!!
Airlines Stink
June 20 | Hmmm...No Comments Yet
My father travels for work every now and again. He’s always complaining about the airlines and getting stuck sitting next to a big guy, that smells and loves to talk. I think he just likes to exaggerate. Then this morning I get up and read this story as I’m downing my cup a joe. Maybe air travel really does suck.
MIAMI – An uninvited passenger created a smelly situation on a plane in Miami. American Airlines Flight 915 from Miami to Bogota, Colombia, was delayed Wednesday night after a skunk was found in the back of the cargo hold, discharging its foul odor throughout the aircraft, airline officials said.
Call me suspicious but what would drive a passenger going to Colombia to emit a foul odor? Could it be it was trying to cover up the smell of something else? You know, like your owner when she sprays the Glade aerosol into the air after reappearing from the bathroom. Maybe he was trying to cover a stinky doodie, too. Read more
Mama Mia – Dog Pizza Review
June 19 | 3 Comments
Day in and day out, I get served slop in a bowl for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I guess it’s not so much slop as it is dry hard pellets that taste like cardboard and lamb. So imagine my surprise when my old man pulled his chair up to the computer and surfed over to blissfulbiscuits.com to order me my very own Heaven Scent Pizza.
I drooled uncontrollably as my father read me the ingredients…whole wheat flour, carrots, celery, parmesan cheese, garlic, basil, etc. No additives whatsoever. Sure it didn’t have any lard, but this pie tastes and smells just like a human pizza. Or that was the claim on the website. I couldn’t wait to find out if this pie lived up to the hype or whether it was more Domino’s Pizza than Ray’s Original New York Style.
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Soothing Baby Parrot Sounds
June 18 | 3 Comments
I’ll admit that sometimes I may get on my parents’ nerves, especially when I bark incessantly at the children getting off the schoolbus. But compared to this parrot, I could bark for 24 hours straight and still be considered the lesser of two evils.
Quite annoying, eh.
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Sic ‘Em
June 18 | Hmmm...No Comments Yet
Quick little story showing that I’m not the only one who doesn’t listen to his owner. Thankfully for a Bridgeport, Ct police officer, neither do snakes.
Police officers in Bridgeport, Connecticut, responded Tuesday to a report of domestic disturbance. Apparently, 21-year-old Victor Rodriguez was threatening his girlfriend with his pet python.
As the officers entered the apartment, Rodriguez threatened them, ordering his 3-metre-long pet snake to “Get them!”.
Seeing as the police officer was larger than your average defenseless gerbil treat, the python just lay there, hissing instead. Read more
When Funny Faces Aren’t Funny
June 17 | Hmmm...No Comments Yet
You ever notice the annoying voices that owners use to speak to us? I can live with that but here’s a trend I’m happy they stopped dead in its tracks.
Jayna Hutchinson, a 33-year-old Vermont woman, was charged with cruelty to animals and resisting arrest after a police officer caught her staring at his dog in a “taunting/harassing manner.”
Dogs on the scene have reported to me she was taunting the canine with calls of “Nanana Boo Boo”. Read more
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Heat Exhaustion
June 17 | 2 Comments
Hey bo what’s up?
My mommy is really worried about me in the heat.
I tried to explain that i’m ok. I just need to stay cool but she doesn’t want to let me out in the bad heat to play. I’ll admit I do get very hot and pant a lot sometimes pretty heavy.
She did get me a pool but i’m a little nervous about it, i’m getting better but still a little nervous. I am a corgi and have the short legs so getting in and out of the pool is a bit of a challenge.
Any suggestions for my mom to keeping me cool?
mali
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