Special – Free Rattlesnake Bites at Wal-Mart

He’s Not That BigSorry for the blog post outage over the past three days but I was on holiday this past weekend. That makes me sound European doesn’t it…you know, the on holiday part, but I’m really not.  But, did you know that holiday means different things to different people? It sure does.  For instance, my parents think it means to go away to the east coast, visit friends and go boating all day.

For my sister Copper, my new brother Logan and me holiday means spending quality time holed up in a large cage at our veterinarians. So while my parents eat, drink and dance the night away, I get to smell Copper’s anal vapor and watch Logan submissively pee over half the cage. If that doesn’t sound like much of a holiday, you’re right.

That’s why it’s good to be back at the keyboard bringing you the latest and greatest animal related news. So let’s get it going with an animal attacking a human.

A Wal-Mart shopper looking for a deal in the garden department found more than he bargained for when he startled a poisonous pygmy rattlesnake hiding in some plants.

The foot-long rattler jumped out and bit him, striking his right hand in between his thumb and index finger.

”[The bite] wouldn’t have been been fatal with an adult male. But you could lose a finger,” said Capt. Ernie Jillson, an officer with the antivenin unit.

I guess in this Wal-Mart you don’t have to watch out for falling prices but rather falling fingers, as in falling off your hand.

Pygmy rattlesnakes grow to be between 18 and 24 inches long and have a small rattle: ”It sounds like a bee buzzing so there’s not a lot of warning,” Jillson said.

Why are they hating on the pygmies? Don’t they think midget rattlesnakes know their rattle doesn’t measure up to a regular sized rattler?  Why not say something positive about them…like…uhm…like you can fit a lot of them in a clown car or uhm…it’s not the size of the rattle but how you use it?

”People need to look before you touch,” [Officer] Jillson said.

Because you know, everyone should expect to encounter a rattler at Wal-Mart.


This wasn’t part of my original posting but in looking for some background information I found this link!

The story goes back to 2007 when seven shopper were bitten by pygmy rattlers!! Seven! Holy heck I’m going to have my old man go shopping there tomorrow. One quick bite and he’s going to earn a six figure settlement from Sam Walton and family.  Oh yeah, after that it’s going to be Heaven Scent pizza every night.


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