Dog’s Jaws Glued Shut by Junk Mail

Let me just reiterate what many of you already know. I’m not a dog that’s going to be trained to make my owners’ lives easier.  I know this isn’t the case in a lot of households, but I can’t change the world.  I can only make suggestions and hope some of you canines see the wisdom in my words.

If told to “Go get me my slippers”, just say no and lick their feet. Make sure to get in between the toes, that’s where the good cheesy taste is.

When they demand you “Fetch me the paper”, respectfully suggest they go online to get their news instead.

And if ordered to “Get me a beer from the fridge”, do so, but make sure to drink it before bringing it back. If that makes you pee, do so in the confines of the house.

Let’s face it, we weren’t put on this earth for them, they were put on this earth for us.

But there are a few of us out there that need to learn lessons the hard way. Check out this story.

A HUNGRY hound lost both his bark and his bite when a bizarre accident left his jaws glued together.

Cymbeline, a Scottish terrier, is trained to pick up the post from the doormat and hand it over to his owner Kimberly Fisher, 41.

But the faithful pet came unstuck when a high gloss finish on a fast food menu stuck his jaws closed for more than half an hour.

Ms Fisher from Colchester, an academic researcher, said Cymbeline had been trained to collect the post without chewing it.

“He hates post so I’ve taught him to bring it to me without damaging it and then I give him a treat.

“He brought me this menu but it had stuck his jaws together.

“It was a big, high gloss paper menu which had turned into a paste – the gum stuck it between his teeth.

“He was trying very hard to open his mouth. It was funny as well as sad.”

The Roosters fast-food menu, which ironically promises “mouth-watering results” for anyone who tries their chicken, was stuck fast and eventually Ms Fisher was forced to take Cymbeline to the vet.

She said: “I tried to get it out with a tooth pick, but it was no good. We had to wait for an emergency slot at the vets.

“They took about 40 minutes to get this stuff out. They were very good about it. It cost £28.76 – it would have been more if he had been more distressed and they had had to sedate him.”

“He couldn’t open his mouth. He sat there very quietly while we picked away with a fine pick until we had removed enough of the cardboard to get a bit of movement.”

Now that’s service I can get used to. I’m already imagining myself dining on a nice rib eye steak menu.


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