Polly Want a Cupcake?

Chocolate. The forbidden fruit.

I think it’s a fruit because it’s certainly not a vegetable, and truth be told, vegetables are deadly too. It’s just that veggies steal a little of your soul one crappy asparagus tip at a time rather than the quick demise cocoa offers.

Check out how one Polly Purebred cheated death while cheating on her diet in this story from the BBC.

A dog narrowly avoided death after eating more than 20 chocolate cupcakes.

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Squirrels Say No to Education

They’re at it again, and this time attacking the education system of America.

They being squirrels.

Let’s be honest with ourselves. Squirrels are nothing more than rats with fluffy tails, allowed to roam the backyards of our owners.

But that’s not the issue.  It’s that dogs catch a lot of heat from their owners when they bark at one. If cats are allowed to chew on the heads of field mice, why aren’t dogs allowed to chase down squirrels and nibble on their pointy nosed faces?

Double standards that’s why.

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Can You Spare-ow a Cigarette?

If you don’t smoke, consider yourself lucky. There’s really no upside to pumping volumes of intensely polluted air into your lungs. I hear it makes chasing squirrels a bitch.

I admit I partook in a little puff of the cancer inducing sticks during my youth, particular during the peer pressure days of obedience school. I didn’t enjoy the experience, maybe because it took away from the taste of the beers I was imbibing. I learned from experience that cigarettes weren’t for me. Bo says No to cigarettes.

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All Out Blitz Sacks Abductor

I hate stereotypes. Is it fair to call all dogs lazy, all mailmen lunch, or all cats selfish?

Of course not…well, the part about cats may be true.

Being anti-stereotype, I have a soft spot in my heart for pit bulls. Not because they’re dogs, that does help, but because they are always portrayed as fighters and haters. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I say, one must always look at the owner, not the dog’s breed to get a sense of the canine’s personality. There’s more than physical similarities between the two.

Take my old man for instance: he’s a good looking, sarcastic, food seeking machine with an easy going style. I’m told I’ve taken on those characteristics too. This is totally against the stereotype for my mixed breed: good looking, sarcastic, food seeking machine with an easy going style.  Hmmm…that didn’t work out as planned.

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Not a Myth, Buster

What’s white on the outside, yellow on the inside and in abundant quantities this time of year?

It’s eggs silly…and the type we canines can partake in.

Don’t be fooled by cheap imitations. Take the Cadbury Egg, for instance, which is yellow on the inside, but a discolored brown on the outside. Sure it tastes sweet, almost too sweet, but instead of pumping you full of life, it will suck it out of you.

How many Cadbury eggs do you think Cool Hand Luke could have eaten? Certainly not the 50 real eggs he downed with the help of his friend, Dragline. My guess is he’d max out at 17 before a sugar coma put him out of commission for a 72 hour nap.

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Settin’ Up the Cat

Here’s a commercial I like.  Dog steals food and sets up the cat to take the fall.

What more could you want when selling product?

Castaway Comes Home

Ever wonder how you would handle being the main character in Castaway?

You know, one minute you’re thirty thousand feet in the air with a cargo load of FedEx packages, the next minute you’re alone on a deserted island. Alone, other than Wilson, the volleyball. I know, what a tragedy.

Everybody knows Voit is the more talkative one.

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Egg Hunting Dogs

Easter makes me think, how do bunny rabbits get all those eggs they distribute?

Do they pay the chickens for them? Do they steal them? Or do they have a huge bunny production facility that creates them? If created, will the factory have to purchase carbon credit offsets next year? And what will that do for the number of eggs produced?

They’re legitimate questions, but I suppose many of you are probably thinking, “Bo, why can’t you just focus on the fun side for a change. Can’t you just enjoy Easter for the celebration it is?”

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Smelling Good

I have no patience with animals that say one thing to your snout and another behind your tail.

If you have something to say, say it.

Take for instance the animals I like to call my parents. To my face it’s all, “No Bo, your butt isn’t getting any bigger. It’s still cute as ever.”

Behind my back I hear my father tell my mother, “What a tub of goo he’s turning into.”

Now it looks like a bunny is getting in on the two faced party…well kind of.

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