Squirrels Say No to Education

April 27 | 3 Comments

I scored 1500 on my SATsThey’re at it again, and this time attacking the education system of America.

They being squirrels.

Let’s be honest with ourselves. Squirrels are nothing more than rats with fluffy tails, allowed to roam the backyards of our owners.

But that’s not the issue.  It’s that dogs catch a lot of heat from their owners when they bark at one. If cats are allowed to chew on the heads of field mice, why aren’t dogs allowed to chase down squirrels and nibble on their pointy nosed faces?

Double standards that’s why.

So don’t blame us when things get out of control. Here’s  a  story, straight from the Metro, showing we’re getting closer to a world in total chaos.

In further proof that squirrels are a malign force dedicated to the merciless destruction of humanity, a teacher in Michigan has been attacked by an enraged squirrel – for trying to help one of its young.

The teacher from Detroit was showing a group of students around the campus of the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor when she spotted a group of squirrel infants who were not in their nest.

Concerned that one of the squirrel babies had been left behind, and was being eyed hungrily by a lurking crow, the teacher intervened; first trying to shoo the crow away, then drawing the mother’s attention to her child’s plight.

But instead of thanking the teacher and taking better care of the infant in future, the mother turned on the teacher, attacking her.

The teacher fled in fear, attempting to get back to the group’s bus as the furious squirrel chased her down. She fell as she attempted to get away, during which time the furry avenger bit and scratched her leg.

Eventually, the teacher escaped, the Ann Arbor News reported, and was taken to a local hospital for treatment.

Police did not attempt to track down or apprehend the squirrel responsible.

If the police won’t do their job who will? Dogs, that’s who. But when we do, we get yelled at and sent to our cages without kibble for the night.

Until there’s a mass squirrel attack (MSA) on humans nothing will change. Elevate the threat level to red. It’s coming.


3 Responses to “Squirrels Say No to Education”

  1. Manny on April 27th, 2009 9:31 am

    Squirrels are evil.

    ‘Nough barked…

  2. Todd on April 27th, 2009 2:04 pm

    Oh man, I saw this a few days ago! I knew those hambones were up to no good…hope they don’t go all Alfred Hitchcock on us! SCARY.

  3. Schnooks on May 2nd, 2009 1:01 am

    It just so happens that I am an Expert on Squirrels. If they would have called me I would have flown in and “handeled” the situation. My mom would have had to stay home.

    This is a perfect example of getting a human to do a dog’s job. Human are not qualified to handle squirrels as some dogs, like myself, are.

    Leave the squirrels to us. Period.

    Thanks for educating us on this issue, Bo.

    Schnooks, a basset hound
    Squirell Expert in Residence

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