Gorillas, Bees and Bacon

Today I’m going to try something different; a bunch of little stories for your enjoyment.  Here we go…

The following could happen in my neighborhood too, especially if my old man were to run around with his shirt off. Read more

Dog Mistakes Gas Pedal for Brake

All who know me say that I’m a driven dog. I give it to you straight on this blog so yeah, these folks are right to say that about me.

I’m driven…everywhere.

In the summer my rides usually only get me to the park, but during fall and spring my destinations are diversified to include Home Depot, Publix and Rover’s House of Pancakes.

Regardless of season I’m always driven to the vet’s. What, you don’t expect me to walk there do you?

The only problem with this arrangement is that I don’t get to go on my schedule. It is dictated by my control freak parents.

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Swan Crash Lands on Highway

Damn, it’s wet here in Georgia.  So wet that I’ve had difficulty getting online and posting my story of the day.

For those of you worried about me, you have a right to be. I got shutout of my weekend walks this past Sat and Sun because my parents were afraid they’d melt in the rain. Then yesterday my lunchtime walk was cut out too, but at least an attempt was made to get me out. We took the family truckster to our nature trail only to find out that my favorite hiking trail was under water, along with the tennis courts and swimming pool.

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Fierce Cows Trap Man in River

A dog went to his psychiatrist and said, “What’s wrong with me? Tell me, why am I afraid of Santa?”

The psychiatrist said, “It’s simple, you are Claustrofobic.”

Hahaha…I just heard that joke at the local fire hydrant and thought I’d pass it along to all you pups out there. The beauty is, you can even till this joke in mixed company. You know, when humans are around.

Anyway, did you know that 98% of the things a dog fears never comes to pass? That’s according to a study by Psycho students at Bates University. They say if the 2% actually comes to pass, then that’s bad news for you. Typically this means you’ll never be allowed up on the bed, given any treats or be allowed lick your privates in public ever again.

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“Give Me the Rock” Says Elephant

Humans throw tantrums, monkeys throw poo and elephants throw rocks.

That was my key learning for today.

First off, my mother was very unhappy with my father’s inability to clean the dishes he uses. Apparently she’s sick and tired of gathering them from his office and putting them in the dishwasher. She says if she were a dog, she’d be a working class breed. My father doesn’t say anything.

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Parrot Attacks Officer

Celebrity has its upside.

I don’t have first paw experience with this, yet, but if everything I read in Dog Fancy is true, I want a little piece of that action.

Did you know that most celebrity dogs get food from a can, and they don’t need to beg for it? That these ‘celebs’ rarely have to walk to their fire hydrant of choice, but are carried there in designer handbags instead? It’s even been rumored on the internets that some photogenic canines aren’t even neutered!!!

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Dogs Save Heroes One at a Time

I recently read a survey that most dogs don’t like vets. I was shocked to hear those results.

I mean, what’s not to like? The camouflage? The ability to relieve themselves on a battlefield? It certainly can’t be the yummy  c-rations.

Then I realized the survey was talking about veterinarians, not veterans. That made me feel better.

Well, since I’ve stumbled upon the subject, let me just send a quick thank you for all the members of the armed forces. Read more

Speeder Monkey Spotted

I loves me a good car ride.

The best trips are the ones with the old man driving his chick truck, and me in the suicide seat rubbing my anal glands clean. With my window rolled down, I gawk at the strangers that adorn our city streets. I don’t say anything. I don’t need to. They’re drawn to me like maggots to rotting meat.

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Animal Tales Radio Show

We just found out some very exciting news, my owner Horst and I have been invited to be on Animal Tales radio with host Michael Cooper. The show is going to be on this Saturday, September 12th at 12noon on WTAN, TanTalk AM1340, AM1350 and AM1400.

We’ll be interviewed about my upcoming book BAD TO THE BONE: Memoir Of A Rebel Doggie Blogger. For those who don’t know, it’s a funny memoir of our life over the last fourteen plus years told through my eyes.

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The Toilet Snake

Some things are best done alone. Things like thinking, writing and pooping.

Rest assured, none of the above are helped by a human hovering over you telling you to speed it up. Lord knows it didn’t help me get my edits done any quicker when I was writing my book, which by the way, you can pre-order here.

I know when I turn the tables on the old man, he doesn’t like it. The times I see him saunter towards the bathroom I plead him to take it easy on my friend the porcelain bowl, to make it quick and painless. But he doesn’t, and to make sure he gets ample ‘me’ time, he  slams the door shut in my face.

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