The Toilet Snake

That's a lively pooSome things are best done alone. Things like thinking, writing and pooping.

Rest assured, none of the above are helped by a human hovering over you telling you to speed it up. Lord knows it didn’t help me get my edits done any quicker when I was writing my book, which by the way, you can pre-order here.

I know when I turn the tables on the old man, he doesn’t like it. The times I see him saunter towards the bathroom I plead him to take it easy on my friend the porcelain bowl, to make it quick and painless. But he doesn’t, and to make sure he gets ample ‘me’ time, heĀ  slams the door shut in my face.

The No Loitering sign I made for him doesn’t help, either. I think he takes his time so he can play his PSP in silence…intermittent silence really. If he ever offers you the chance to play it, you’d be best to decline while reaching for the hand sanitizer just in case.

Just when I’d given up on getting him to finish his business quicker, I found the answer in this story fromĀ  Northern Territory News.

A TERRITORY man got the fright of his life – and learnt he should keep the toilet seat down – when he found a huge python in his dunny.

Erik Rantzau has been avoiding using his indoor loo – opting to use his outdoor toilet when nature calls – since he discovered the wild carpet python in the S-bend about four weeks ago.

“I just happened to be walking past the toilet and glanced in there and here was this snake in a massive coil just sitting up in the toilet,” he said.

“He stayed in for four days then went out in the garden again for a week or two then appeared in there again one Saturday night.

“I didn’t use the toilet – I just kept the lid down and went to another toilet I have outside.”

NT snake wrangler Chris Peberdy had been out to Mr Rantzau’s home on Lowther Rd, Virginia, in Darwin’s rural area four times trying to catch the python.

But each time he would try and get his hands on it, the slippery reptile would evade capture by disappearing into the depths of the pipes.

In an attempt to find out the snake’s movements, Mr Peberdy coated the floor of Mr Rantzau’s home with talcum powder.

“It’s a bit of a Territory-born invention,” he said. “When I came back we could see he was coming in and out of the back door and straight into the toilet.”

He managed to wrangle the evasive reptile when it decided to peep it’s nose out of the toilet bowl on Wednesday.

Mr Peberdy said it was rare to find a carpet python in a toilet.

“But it would certainly give anyone a fright – it’d scare the pants off you, well, you’ve probably already got you’re pants off, but it’d scare you if you found it.”

He had one piece of advice to Top Enders: “Look before you sit!”

I always look before I sit. Oh, If you ask me to shake paws, don’t worry, I wash after every tinkle and doo. I’m hygienic like that.

Here’s the video of the snake in action.


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