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Speeder Monkey Spotted

On highways in monkeyland, they drive upside down.I loves me a good car ride.

The best trips are the ones with the old man driving his chick truck, and me in the suicide seat rubbing my anal glands clean. With my window rolled down, I gawk at the strangers that adorn our city streets. I don’t say anything. I don’t need to. They’re drawn to me like maggots to rotting meat.

Fingers point at me, heads turn and steps are taken in my direction. They’re all mesmerized by my cuteness. Can’t blame them, even at those times when I haven’t bathed for a month. But that’s life in the limelight. Don’t worry I can take it.

Turns out a monkey in Phoenix can’t. Put the spotlight on him and he ends up in court. KTAR has the story.

PHOENIX — Some monkey business on Valley highways is not bringing a laugh from the Arizona Department of Public Safety.

DPS is pursuing 37 unpaid photo enforcement tickets issued to Dave Vontesmar. Vontesmar said the photos depict somebody in a monkey mask and he wasn’t the speeding driver.

Harrison said officers have seen Vontesmar donning masks.

“He had two masks. One appeared to be a monkey, the other one appeared to be a giraffe or some type of gazelle design.”

He called Vontesmar’s actions “probably the most blatant disregard of the photo enforcement program.”

Vontesmar is not the only speeder who is ignoring photo enforcement tickets. Last October, 34 percent of the drivers flashed by photo radar paid up; that number had dropped to 24 percent the past June.

Monkey I get, but a Giraffe? C’mon, they can’t get inside of a car unless there’s a moon roof. I declare Vontesmar innocent. Now, had someone donned a gray tabby mask, I’d have to change my mind.

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