Punxsutawney Phil To Lose Job Too?

After quite some time on this planet what I’ve learned is that everything is replaceable.

My rawhides? Replaced by Greenies.

Those Greenies? Replaced by 100% natural dog biscuits.

And those dog biscuits? Replaced by a whole lotta nothing.

Apparently I’m a fat tub of goo according to my parents, and the vet’s scale. But hey, at least nobody is talking about replacing me. Read more

Bunny Needs Gamblers Annonymous

You ever notice that a lot of folks love to drink, smoke and gamble? If you don’t think that’s the case, all you need to do is catch a half hour on A/E during prime time.

I admit my family is no different than others and have these issues. My father is a drinker…of 3 pints of draft beer a week. My mother is a smoker…of every dinner she’s made this year. My sister Copper is a gambler…on her farts not killing everyone in the house.

Me? I do what I want. If I want a drink, I go to my bowl of water. If I want smokes, I steal them from Fonzy’s shirt sleeve. If I want to gamble, I ride shotgun with my mother driving. Read more

Dog Rescued From Can of Cat Food

You ever get so hungry you’d eat cat poop?

I know I have, but sometimes the litter box is empty forcing me to scrounge around the house looking for alternatives.

I’ll check under the couch cushions (the old man is a slob and lots of food gets stuck there, along with a lot of change), on top of short tables and even go so far as to check the bathroom floor.

Of course my personal favorite thing to do when  I’m at starvation death’s door is to go the way of the garbage pail. I knock it over, spread around the goodies and feast on rotting, leftover human food. Mmmm, tasty. Read more

Dirtbike Riding Dog

I’m sure you’ve all heard the joke, “What’s the difference between a Hoover vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson?” The answer of course is the location of the dirtbag.

Don’t get me wrong I’m pro Harley, and motorcycles in general, but if I have an opportunity to recycle a joke then, by golly, I’m going to do it.

My mother on the other hand is not a fan of motorized cycles of the two wheel variety. I know she’s forbidden my father to get one. It’s not because of safety concerns, but rather the fear he’d ride around town side saddle.

I’m with her. Can you imagine if he wanted to take me along for a ride? Not only would the dogs in town be woofing in laughter at me, but a chorus of cat meow snickering would surely follow! Read more

Ape Gun Control

Where on this great earth of ours could King Kong’s descendant survive an attack from an army of zoo workers carrying guns and tranquilizing darts? If you said Skull Island you’re right, but you’re also living in a fantasy world.

Those living in the real world know the only logical place would be Japan, and sure enough, that’s where the latest ape-human drama played out.

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Otter Hates Parents, Dreams of Living Alone

I was outside yesterday when I heard a ruckus from down the road. It was my neighbor and her son. She was having a screaming match about what a lazy slug he was.

I know the feeling.

Even at my advanced age I get into screaming matches with my parents. It’s always “Bo No!” this, and “Bo No!” that. They don’t give me any space. So of course I bark back. Not immediately mind you, but when they’re comfortable on the couch or sleeping in their bed. I love hearing the old man yell, “Bo, shut up!”

It’s almost better than a treat. Almost. Read more

Goat Likes the Ladies

Everyone’s heard about goats. Sometimes they’re wild, sometimes they’re all horned up and sometimes a bit of both.

I’ve tried goat cheese, goat kabobs and I’ve even tried wearing a goat-tee but the only goat I’ve ever really liked was Billy.

I remember meeting him many years ago at a wilderness park. He was in the distance eating grass, and his owner’s laundry. Billy didn’t seem any different to me than a sheep, other than the fact he didn’t follow the crowd blindly.

He was wild. He was hungry. He was horny.

What wasn’t to like? Read more

Bronson Tougher Than Charles

OK, I admit it. I’m scared of snakes.

That’s right, your fuzzy hero has a fear of the slinky kind. Maybe it’s because I remember the day, when I was a mere pup, when a snake crawled into our den to vie for my mother’s nipple. When I attempted to push it away, it bit me. Needless to say I thrashed it to death. However, the mark on my psyche lives on to this day.

Some may think I made that story up and the real reason I’m afraid of snakes is because I’m a girlie dog. Well you can’t prove it can you.

Anyway, I, a macho dog, still run in the opposite direction of any snake that crosses my path due to this puphood incident. Not only is this a good idea, it should be a law. Read more

Pachyderms Love Nice Buns

Humans think they are so superior, don’t they?

Ever notice how they like to command you to do things? Sit…stay…come…no…No…NO!

Do they really think we’re going to comply if it isn’t in our best interest?

If I want food, I whine. If I want to be petted, I raise my paw and expose my belly. If I want to run free, I slip my leash. It’s my agenda we’re following not theirs.

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Cowabunga Dude

I like cows.

Especially covered in cheese, ketchup and in between two buns (hey, I’ll be here all week folks!).

Well, it turns out cows can be quite menacing. Really.

I’m not just talking about those heifers defacing local billboards, but real moo moos. The kind that hang loose in open fields chewing their cud, and the creators of tournament quality cow chips.

Read more

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