Dog Offers to Help Clean Up Oil Spill

May 24 | 2 Comments

Bad to the Bone

I just found this news article about my latest efforts to save the world from itself.

Bo Hoefinger, the dog best known as the author of Bad To The Bone: Memoir of a Rebel Doggie Blogger, has offered his services to clean up the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

As has been clearly documented, dog hair soaks up the oily remnants of drilling platforms gone bad better than sponges, handy wipes, and even wildlife. Quite simply, dog hair is to oil as paper towels are to pee in a living room.

With everyone getting angry at the lack of success in containing the oil spill, Hoefinger decided to do something about it.

“I’m not here to point a paw at anybody. Not British Petroleum, not the government, and not even Charlie, the local tomcat. Maybe it’s because I don’t have any Irish Setter in my bloodlines; you know how much they like to point their paws.

“But when I saw the great work that was being done by the Matter of Trust folks in getting pet hair to help clean up the spill, it spurred me to action. Besides, if I want to be the ambassador for shelter dogs, shouldn’t I help out too?”

And that’s what he offered to do.

“I like swimming. I like the gulf. I’d like to go swimming in the Gulf and soak up some sun, and a bunch of premium grade oil. How could anyone refuse my offer?”

Aides to Portuguese Water Dog in charge Bo Obama, are said to be sniffing through the proposal before making any public comments.

Hoefinger likes his prospects although there is some disagreement among environmentalists as to whether the blogging dog’s idea is a good one.

Mothball Morris from The Cat Litter Disposable said, “The question you have to ask yourself is whether Bo will do more harm than good. Read his book and you’ll find he has a propensity to cause more damage than intended.

“What’s to keep him from peeing in the gulf, or worse, pooping in it? This could lead to two environmental disasters rather than just the one we’re dealing with now.”

Ultimately it comes down to approvals; the first from Bo Obama and the administration, and the second from Bo’s parents.

Bo’s mother main concern is safety and wonders whether it will impede the amount of help he can actually give.

“If he’s to be safe, which means not swimming until an hour after he’s eaten, he’ll never have enough water time to do any good. Bo is a snacker and he needs his Milkbone (the big ones) every hour and a half. You do the math,” she said.

Although a gracious offer, Hoefinger does have concerns.

“I know I’ll be very tired from the swims, but I’m more worried about my hair. The oily, grunge look may work in Seattle, but in my home town the bitches like the Justin Bieber poofy hair look. With Bieber fever infecting the canine community, it will be tough, but I’m committed to the cause.”

Time will tell whether Bo will be allowed to help those humans unable to help themselves. If not, he urges everyone to help the cause and work with the Matter of Trust folks today.


2 Responses to “Dog Offers to Help Clean Up Oil Spill”

  1. vinou on May 25th, 2010 3:18 pm

    at first I thought this “matter of trust” was a joke but they seem to be very efficient in fact . I think this idea is really awsome. did you see the pic of all those nylon bags laying on the ground and there’s a pug laying at the same place ?
    those people are great persons.  I would never have thought that hair of all sorts , and nylon socks would help so efficiently. tx for the share Bo!

  2. Booker on March 13th, 2016 9:15 pm

    Elaine, cooking soft drink will certainly assist to soak up ass
    well as neutralize a few of the odors, however it won’t be as efficient ass an enzymatic cleaner.

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