Romeo Goes Looking For Love

One of my favorite sayings, which you may have seen if you were lucky enough to get a pawtographed copy of Bad to the Bone: Memoir of a Rebel Doggie Blogger, is “Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant.”

Let’s face it, some days are better than others.

Take for example the day I was born. What a day! One moment I’m in total darkness, the next I’m breathing fresh air, have all the leg room I want and got more milk than a nipple should be allowed to give.

Other days, like yesterday, just suck.

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Dog Runs Over Owner

These days there’s nothing better than hearing the old man ask, “Wanna go for a ride?”

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always loved jumping into the front seat of his chick truck and watch the world fly by. It’s just now I prefer that over “Wanna go for a walk?”

Any questions as to why, take it up with my bones.

Anyway, I remember the early days when I’d occupy the suicide seat of his rusty, old cars. There was always something wrong with his vehicles. It ran the gamut of steering issues, oil leaks and transmission malfunctions. It was a simple equation: mechanical = trouble.

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There’s No Place Like Home

I’m one of those lucky dogs that isn’t frightened by loud thunder and raging storms.

I’m calm, cool and collected. But hey, that’s me.

My sister Patience, on the other hand, heads straight for the basement. She knows enough to lay under the load bearing wall, the sturdy desk or even the unused exercise equipment for safety.

We should rebrand her from watch dog to ‘safety’ monitor in our house. Heck, she doesn’t even run with scissors in her paws. Anyway,it’s the type of change a dog appropriately named Lucky should have had.

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Living With Enemies is a Hoot

Have you ever noticed some pups are prone to accidents?

Humans are afflicted with this too. Take Mr. Magoo.Havoc wreaked around that guy every minute of every day.

On second thought, he may be a bad example since he never actually got into accidents; he just caused them.

Lucille Ricardo always seemed to have plenty of accidents, as did former President Gerry Ford. They’re two fine examples of repetitive klutzy behavior. This makes me wonder if it gets old.

I would think, as a young person, you are aware to being prone to embarrassment and at some point just accept it.

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A Little Help From My Friends

I like exercise as much as the next dog, if not more.

OK, that’s a lie. At this stage of my canine career, I don’t like it much. That’s what happens when your bones creak like a listing boat in the middle of the sea, or in an oil soaked gulf (thanks BP).

That’s why the last thing I want to be doing these days is to go on a long walk in the woods.

What’s the point? If I see something worth chasing, I’m on a leash and can’t get to it anyway. I’m done training to look like a bully whippet, so the aerobic exercise is worthless to me now.

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Eggselents in Production Methods

I had bad cramps yesterday morning. It wasn’t until late in the afternoon that they finally passed.

Well, to be honest, it wasn’t until late afternoon until I took the biggest dump this side of the Mississippi for a dog my size. I think it was the cheese. It bound me up but good.

Or maybe it was the steak I had, from the garbage pail.

Regardless, the Guinness Book of World Records is coming over later today to verify my spot in history. I just hope my mother doesn’t pick it up before they get here. Maybe I should hide her shovel.

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Queen Loves The Milkman

I love the bovine class.

I mean, what’s not to like? They’re master billboard climbers, creators of bone hardening drinks, and taste great covered in steak sauce.

Granted there are some things that could improve. For instance, instead of chewing cud they could chew fat. Or how about that dried out softball glove my old man has. Why does H2O affect it even though cows love to spend their time dancing in the rain? And, getting back to the billboards, they could improve on their spelling.

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Canine Good Citizen Test Gone Bad

Well sometimes you just have to laugh. For me it’s usually when I’m goofing on humans.

To that end, I present to you the video of my mother as we go through the Canine Good Citizen certification test.

Note how she thinks she’s in control, but really isn’t. Enjoy.

Dog Painting Gone Bad

I’m an artist.

I dabble in an impressionist style, but rather than using vibrant colors, I enjoy the use of an earth tone pallete instead. You could say I favor the color brown above all.

Sometimes my canvas is filled with heavy, oil painting type strokes. Other times it’s like a light watercolor coating. Regardless, the end result is a masterpiece worthy of the Louvre.

Inexplicably, my mother is not a fan of my painting. The subject matter is highly entertaining ranging from stick figures, to bigger stick figures to paw prints. Doesn’t matter, she hates my work.

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One Tired Nelly

I don’t follow the age old adage, “The early dog gets the squirrel.”

I like sleep, especially in the morning. I mean, what’s the point of seeing a sunrise, even if it gets me that coveted squirrel? During the chase, I know the whole time I’d be pining for sleep. Once caught(because I’m an early dog-read the adage) I’d think about how tired I am and let it go. Nothing’s been accomplished.

So I sleep in instead.

I’m not the only one. My feline sisters Moose and Mothball exhibit the same behavior, as do Copper and Kensy. Goliath? Not so much.

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