Happy Hour Service at Urinal

I’m thirsty.

My bowl is empty and I’m not sure when my parents are planning to fill it up with some good old H two Oh goodness.

During times like these a dog has to take matters into his own paws. Most times I’ll hoist myself up near the cat’s water bowl and drink from it. Unfortunately today, it has cat hair in it and I find that disgusting.

The second alternative is to go outside and look for a puddle or a container with Mother Nature’s rain water in it. Sadly, it’s been drier here  than the South during prohibition.

Which leads me to my last alternative: the toilet bowl.

Some dogs will tell you they prefer drinking from it even over their own water bowl. But not me. When I drink from a commode, all I can think of is my old man’s ass hovering above it.

Alas, desperate times lead to desperate measures, and I know I’ll be forced to close my eyes, think good thoughts, and drink from the family urinal. Screams of disgust from my mother will fill the air as she realizes what I’m doing. Hey, I find it repulsive, too.

Of course we know a human wouldn’t do such thing, or would they? The JournalLive has the details.

A DESPERATE driver consumed water from a urinal in a police cell to try and dilute the level of alcohol in his body, a court heard.

Martin Newton, of Chapel Row, Seahouses, Northumberland, then made no attempt to blow into a breathalyser to try and evade detection.

Berwick Magistrates’ Court heard how Newton, 27, was pulled over when officers spotted him driving at night with no lights on the A1. The car narrowly missed the police vehicle as it passed and when Newton was stopped he appeared to be drunk.

An initial breath test, which could not be used as evidence, showed a reading of 124mg of alcohol, the legal limit is 35mg.

Newton was then taken to Berwick police station.

In a desperate act, he asked to go to the toilet, but as he was shown to the cells, slammed the door behind him, which was locked.

Officers had to go and get a key and when they opened it they found the defendant drinking water from the urinal.

Prosecutor James Long said: “This was clearly a blatant attempt to try and dilute the alcohol content in his body.” When he was shown into the room for a breath test, the bench was told Newton made no attempt to blow into the apparatus and was charged with failing to provide a specimen.

In mitigation, defence solicitor John Brown said his client had been drinking heavily due to financial strain.

Newton pleaded guilty to failing to provide a specimen of breath for analysis.

It seems this phenomenon is turning into an epidemic. Here’s another twist on fun with toilets.


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