Cow Fails To Jump Over the Moon – Hits Car Instead

My old man grew up next to a farm.

He took me back there once. I was amazed by how many cows roamed the countryside.

At first glance, it appeared the bovine class had the perfect life: large open spaces to run around in, a pond for swimming, and so much poop you couldn’t smell it all in one day.

What a life!

Then I saw the uglier side.

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Tweet You – Birds Trade Insults In Song

Yo, what up dog?

That’s my attempt at putting out a gangsta image. You know, make me more Rotty than Yorkie.

Of course I can always up my street cred by showing disrespect (‘dissing’ as the pups bark these days) for cats. It also helps if I wear my fur suit around my ankles.

Instead of chasing cats at my advanced age, I throw verbal barbs at them. Things like, “Is that a Kong in your pocket or are you just happy to see me,” and “Yo mamma is so ugly, her face would stop the Purina Gravy Train.” Read more

Bat Takes Delta Flight – Not Charged Baggage Fee

My old man isn’t manly.

Last night he sat me down and told me of the time he was under attack from a bat. Not a baseball bat, but one of those things that swoops down on you at dusk.

Apparently he, and his two roommates, were watching TV when a bat suddenly flew into the room. Where it came from nobody knew.

When it appeared each of them scrambled about, climbing over each other to get to the door, all the while screaming like little school girls.

These were strong young men in their early twenties. Read more

Chicken Attacks Mailman Looking For Seed Money

I don’t have much respect for mail carriers.

That may sound harsh to some, but it’s part of my DNA.

The animosity goes back to the beginning of time. Back to the days we protected the opening of our owner’s cave. Even then, when Kliff came to deliver stone letters sent from afar, he’d taunt us by throwing Brontosaurus bones at our muzzles.

Yes, the same Brontosaurus bones that are as deadly to dogs as grapes are.

Things haven’t changed much since then. But maybe they should.

As I type this, the famous words of one Rodney King come to mind, “Can’t we all just get along?” Read more

Council Dictates Poo To Be Colored Orange

I’m an artist.

I strive to create something wonderful and special every day, and no, I’m not talking about the words I type on this blog. Granted, it’s prose Shakespeare would be proud of, but it’s really my second calling.

My first calling? Sculpting.

To be more precise, forming my poo into works of art.

On days where I don’t feel inspired, I’ll usually create my mass market favorite, The Dairy Queen Swirl. On other days I might create The Coffee Log or The Snake or my favorite, The Splatter.

I know they’re good. Why else would my mother pick them up and save them in little plastic bags? Read more

Cat Begs Like A Dog

We’ve all heard the arguments between humans about what the better pet is; dogs or cats.

We all know on which side of the line I fall on, I’m a mutt after all. Don’t get me wrong, there are some cats I’ll give the time of day to. Most notably my sisters Moose and Mothball,but that’s no reason to lose our heads and make a poor choice of companion.

If you want to change my mind, you’ll have to do something special. Well, like this cat.

Any cat that begs like a dog can’t be all bad.

If you can’t see the video, click here.

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Foiled Scooby Doo Carjacking

There are some things that a dog holds sacred.

His bowl, his hydrant and his heroes.

Before you get any ideas about who falls into the latter category, rest assured few, if any humans reside there. It is strictly reserved for the likes of Rin-Tin-Tin, Cujo and Scooby Doo.

Yeah that’s right, Scooby Freakin’ Doo.

That hound had more guts than a slaughter house on a Friday afternoon. Read more

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Flying Saucer Powered By Mutts

There are bad apples in every barrel.

Yes, even in the barrel that is the canine world. We have angry dogs, mean dogs and yes, stupid dogs.  They all have one thing in common, they make all of us look bad.

Sadly, the Jack Russell Terriers in this video think we’re the stupid ones. C’mon, the old flying saucer trick? This isn’t an episode of the Brady Bunch you know.

 

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Horse Grows Moustache – Decides To Keep It

My old man like’s to grow facial hair.

It’s not because it makes him look good or dangerous.  It’s because he’s lazy.

He shaves once a week whether he needs it or not. Sadly, he’s got the same regiment when it comes to showering.

My mother isn’t a fan. Thank god, because if she were she’d blow his smell my way (Get it, she’s a fan!).  A dog can only handle so many nasty smells before he passes out. By all accounts, I’d never wake up.

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Cat Impersonates Michael Jackson

Don’t get it.

That’s all I can say about this video. A talentless cat, with no grace whatsoever, gets big You Tube hits? On top of that, this feline tap dances on the tragedy that is Michael Jackson. Has it no shame?

No. No it doesn’t.

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