I Smell Trouble

Dear Bo,

Is it proper for a male doggie to sniff another male doggie in…ahem,sensitive places? And if yes,should this doggie be on a plane to San Francisco?…not that there’s anything wrong with that and not that me knows said doggie.

Harley

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Lover or Fighter?

Dear Bo,

Suddenly mommy is worried because I have become very aggressive and I attack my brothers and sister when they go by mom or dad. I will even attack and bite them. Last week I even bit mom (although not on purpose) when she was trying to break up the fight.

I am the alpha male here but I just don’t know what happened and mommy is worried.

Love,

Norton

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I Can Dig It

Dear Bo…will you please explain to my rude mother….why digging is an except able behavior!!

THANK YOU!!

Logan Read more

Drinking From Old Faithful

Ya know, Bo, Mimi is very careful to replenish daily our water bowls and tends to obsess about the cleanliness of everthang. However, I can’t hep it and sprint toward the forbidden commode when she forgits to close the lid. There ain’t nothin’ lika a good old stiff drink of u know what. What is the deal here? She’s older than dirt and forgits thangs sometimes. Will I get sick….or die?

Best REgards,
~ZORRO~

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Dear Zorro,

Unless the commode is an Outhouse you’ll be fine.

Let’s face it, the water in a toilet is cool and refreshing so why not partake of its offering? I know the water there is changed more frequently than the water in my dog dish. Most likely this is because of my father’s aging prostate, but that’s another story for another day. On a side note, why he finds it necessary to pee in my primary source of cool water is a question I’ve been asking myself for years.

No doubt Momma Mimi equates the bathroom with germs, but c’mon, that’s what we canines live for. Does she think there are no germs on our friends butts when we smell them? Are there no germs on the kitty snickers we steal from cat litter box? And did we take it lying down when the germs bombed Pearl Harbor? Of course not.

Bottom line, Zorro, is if you’re not willing to stop your behavior, just make sure she doesn’t put chemicals (you know, the stuff that turns the bowl blue) into the commode. Now, that will make you sick!

Hopefully that answers your question, but I suspect the real question may be: Momma Mimi doesn’t flush after she pees and I really enjoy that cup of tea. Will that kill me? Well here’s an interesting response regarding just that.

If you had told me the bowl remained unflushed for fairly long periods of time for whatever reason, it may have been a clue that the craving for this type of water may be caused by some kind of dietary lack.

So basically, check your diet to make sure you’re getting all your essential vitamins and minerals. I find that by adding a box of Lucky Charms to my daily eating schedule takes all my cravings away.

Tell Mimi I understand the thing about being older than dirt. I don’t put the lid down too, not because I forget, it’s just my fuzzy paws don’t reach up that high anymore.

-bo

Sir Bark Alot

hi there fellow woof gurls and boys.
me gots kind of an issue,well more my mommy gots an issue!
me is almost two years old now and me is beginning to guard everyfing.
it’s ok wif mommy,if me starts to bark when she’s home she will say stop that after a while….
but twice a week mommy has to come home late,and that’s the issue.
me bark and barks and barks…
mommy allready gots into a big dogfight wif the neighboor.does bo gots any advice?

big paw bull-boy.

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Dear big paw bull-boy,

Owners are funny aren’t they? They want you to protect them but when you do your job really well, they get all offended. Outside of taking your owner to a owner obedience class, which they’re very reluctant to doing, it’s best to change your own behavior.

I know what you’re saying, “Hey Bo, It’s just that I’m bored to tears. I wish my owner would give me something to do during the day. I mean, I could be given a Kong with a delectable treat inside, or a nylabone or some other toy I could use to while away the time until my owner gets back.”

I understand. What I recommend, and it was very effective for me, is to rip out a picture of the gift you want from your local Dog Living Magazine and place it where your owner will see it. Inside the TV guide, placed on today’s date, is a great place for it. That’s how I got a lifetime supply of flossies, balls, kongs, and pigs ears although it never did get me that race car set I always coveted.

Admittedly, sometimes it’s not boredom that makes you bark, it’s the fact your not used to being alone. Well, here’s a great article on how your owner can change that. I’d recommend they follow the procedures outlined. Alternatively, you could help them out by making up an imaginary friend. My “friend” was George, an invisible St. Bernard from Switzerland. We would spend countless hours saving the lives of inept humans on mountain tops of Europe.

Anyway, be careful about how much you bark. You don’t want them to put one of those anti-bark shock collars on you because you didn’t have the sense to keep your pie hole shut.

In the meantime, have your mother bake some cookies and give them to your neighbor. Don’t forget to lick the bowl.
-bo

Flea Market

Dear Bo,

My name is Lilly & I have a question. My Mom wants to know what is the best insect (flea, tick, fly , etc.) she can get for me. She sprays the yard but is still concerned about me getting into pasture where she has not been able to spray.

Also is there anything she needs to know about spaying as I go today for mine.

I am just over 5 months old now & live in East Texas. Mom rescued 13 of us puppies back in January & found homes for everyone of us.

Lilly of East Texas

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Dear Lilly of East Texas,

Congratulations on being rescued by a great human. You may be too young to realize this but not all of them would have gone to the trouble of finding homes for all of your brothers and sisters. That said, let’s get to the task at hand.

It wasn’t long ago that I was infected with fleas. You see, we had a visitor from up north and he brought the darn things with him. Of course his owner swears up and down that it wasn’t her precious AJ but I know different. Of course my mother and father wouldn’t have treated us for the little pests if they hadn’t had restless nights scratching themselves. It’s not that they don’t care, it’s that they’re so self absorbed and wouldn’t have noticed. The house was treated and so were we and all was well in the world.

The product my vet recommends is called Advantage. It beats the old days when I was forced to wear a smelly collar or doused with baking soda type powder. You’re lucky to live in an age with advanced medicines. Other products are Frontline and Revolution. You can also tell your mother it may not be necessary for her to spray the yard per the information in this article. Click this link and you’ll learn everything you’ve always wanted to know about fleas and such.

Good luck on getting spayed today. My only words of advice would be to relax after the surgery. Don’t be in a hurry to be the rambunctious puppy you’re used to being. When I was neutered it took me a few days before I started chewing on furniture again and that’s an easy operation compared to yours. Oh, and tell your mother that you need vanilla ice cream to help speed recovery. Sure it doesn’t really help, but she doesn’t need to know that.

-bo

Smelly Proposition

Dear Bo,

Why does my father yank at my leash when I go to smell my best friend’s butt?

Confused At The Park

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Dear Confused At The Park,

Sounds like you have a troubled, power hungry owner. Just realize that it was a privilege for you to have been born into this world as a dog. Humans don’t have much to live for so let them have their moments of control.

I do, however, authorize you to leave him a ‘present’ the next time he’s away at work. He’ll appreciate the thought.

-Bo

Woodchucks - Busy As A Beaver?

Dear Bo,

If a woodchuck could chuck wood, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Chuck

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Dear Chuck,

I don’t deal in hypotheticals. Woodchucks can’t chuck wood. Therefore the real answer is no wood would be chucked.

-Bo

Cheesy Moon?

Dear Bo,

Is the moon really made out of cheese?

Mickey

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Dear Mickey,

Although I suspect you may not be a canine, I will respond nonetheless.

For centuries it was believed the moon was made out of cheese, green cheese to be exact. Of course people, who weren’t very bright, believed this. Dogs knew it was really made out of something not food related.

Let’s face it; if it were made of cheese, every dog on the planet would have been jumping towards the moon every night to get a taste of the stuff.

Anyway, it was a disappointed Neil Armstrong, landing on the moon with his cheese fondue set, that confirmed the moon is really made of rock.

Sorry to disappoint.

-Bo

Are You Qualified?

Dear Bo,

Why do you think you are qualified to answer questions posed to you by other dogs?

Faithful Follower

 

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Dear Faithful Follower,

Where to begin? First off, I’m sixteen human years old. That gives me something that every teenage boy wants and every teenage girl runs from. That’s right, experience, and it is this that has made me the wise dog I am today.

Sure it may sound cocky, and if you’re well read, a certain quote from Shakespeare’s dog, Ralph, might come to mind. You know the one, it goes like this, “The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise dog knows himself to be a fool.” Well, I urge you to disregard Ralphie old boy.

As history has shown, Ralph was a fool whose only claim to fame was that he peed on Shakespeare’s leg and told him it was raining. As a side note, that’s why Shakespeare wore those funny pants pulled up to the knee. Little known fact, but true.

But I digress. My experiences are varied. I was in and out of youth facilities (aka dog pounds) in my early months, giving me street smarts. I took online classes at Phoenix University, giving me book smarts. But you may be asking, “What about the smarts in between?” Well I got them by experiencing life with my family. From trips to the vet, to great yard escapes, to peeing in the house I’ve experienced it all.

But I guess the real reason I feel most qualified to answer your questions is that I am the only dog I know that can type 60 words a minute and not have it come out saying, “Woof woof woof,  woof.”

So please, ask your foolish questions and I will respectfully respond. Oh, before I forget, my advice is for entertainment purposes only.

-Bo

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