Mary Wanna Gets Dog High
June 12, 2009 | Hmmm...No Comments Yet
I don’t do drugs. Recreational drugs that is.
I do partake in peanut butter covered pills legally prescribed by humans who’ve spent way too much time in school and not enough time at the dog park. Yeah, I’m talking about vets.
I’ve downed my fair share of rimadyl, cosequin, glucosamine chondroiton, prednosone, thyroid medication and antibiotics.
And of course there was the incident where I was given a human narcotic by mistake. That adventure I saved for inclusion in my memoir, if only as a cautionary tale to all dogs.
The intent of these pharmaceutical buying binges has been to make me feel better. My parents could have saved their money and just given me an Ice Pup instead. Trust me, those things will make any dog feel great!
Toilets for the Canine Set
June 4, 2009 | 2 Comments
I always hear my parents telling prospective pet owners how wonderful we faithful creatures are.
Clearly there’s a bit of an up-sell there, and something I’m quite appreciative of, when they look to match a homeless animal to a needy human. But is it really necessary?
All studies I’ve read have shown absolutely, positively no downside to the relationship…from a human’s standpoint. For the pet, there’s quite a few negatives but we’re willing to let it slide for some free kibble. Hey, it’s what makes us more adorable than we already are.
Egg Hunting Dogs
April 6, 2009 | 4 Comments
Easter makes me think, how do bunny rabbits get all those eggs they distribute?
Do they pay the chickens for them? Do they steal them? Or do they have a huge bunny production facility that creates them? If created, will the factory have to purchase carbon credit offsets next year? And what will that do for the number of eggs produced?
They’re legitimate questions, but I suppose many of you are probably thinking, “Bo, why can’t you just focus on the fun side for a change. Can’t you just enjoy Easter for the celebration it is?”
The Hotel New Havernese
March 27, 2009 | 3 Comments
Let’s be honest with each other. Work sucks.
Do you know of any dogs that actually enjoy their jobs? Sure Rufus may look like he enjoys snatching a biscuit from his nose, but he ain’t having any fun. Sunshine rolling over for a treat? A blow to her self esteem. She might as well be working the pole.
Maybe the trick to happy employment is to do something non-traditional?
Two in the Hand, Worth One in the Cage
March 16, 2009 | Hmmm...No Comments Yet
I consider myself a savvy haggler, especially after my parents have come home from grocery shopping. I know there are goodies in the fridge with my name on it. All it takes is a bit of patience and the knowledge that all humans are weak to get at them.
At these times, when my parents offer me a plain old dog biscuit to entice me to sit, I’ll turn and walk away. When they offer me peanuts, I’ll stand there, staring back at them with the “You gotta be kidding me” look. Only when their offer is upgraded to a hot dog will I firmly place my butt on the floor, and if they went upscale with the Nathan’s variety I’ll even offer up a paw.
Couch Purrs Like a Kitten
March 13, 2009 | 2 Comments
Dogs are lovable, happy and the greatest companions on earth. That’s why we’re easier to adopt than say monkeys, wolverines and yes, cats.
From what I can tell felines are loathsome, wretched and confrontational. Outside of that, they’re great.
What’s a cat to do? It’s not their fault their DNA makes them this way. Well, the smart ones think of ways to help themselves.
Yes, there are smart ones, and you need to look no further than Spokane, Washington for the latest example.
Dead On Arrival
March 11, 2009 | Hmmm...No Comments Yet
Given the state of the world…this story sounds about right.
Employees of a US pet shop expecting a shipment of tropical fish and salt water received a man’s dead body instead.
He says he learned the body was that of a 65-year-old San Diego-area man who died of early onset Alzheimer’s disease.
The body was supposed to go to a research laboratory in Allentown, a 70-mile (113-kilometer) drive away.
Spare Me the Details
March 10, 2009 | 1 Comment
Bowling has never been my thing.
It’s not because I have difficulty jamming my paws into those tiny holes. No, it’s because I don’t like wearing those ugly shoes they have at the alley. Seriously, who likes to walk around in ridiculous looking loafers with other dogs’ paw sweat in them?
Unless you’re a reformed germ freak, you have to pull out a bottle of Purell and spray your digits before you can lick those precious paw pads again.
What a Tail
March 9, 2009 | Hmmm...No Comments Yet
Back in the day, ten years ago in fact, I lived in a frigid climate. It gave me the opportunity to play in cold weather, snowy weather and blizzardy weather. I was in heaven.
That’s probably why my parents moved me to the south.
Before relocating however, I did rack up a few good tips for surviving in Mother Nature’s coolness:
McGruff, Chuck Take It on the Chin
March 5, 2009 | 3 Comments
The world is coming to an end. I know it, you know it.
I’m not basing this on the financial woes of the world, although I have to admit my 401K treat jar has only half the number of Milkbones in it than it did in September. No, I’m basing my observation on the strange happenings in the world…like people beating up a mouse.
Granted it’s a big mouse, and quite finanically successful to boot, but still that’s no reason to assault it.
If that wasn’t bad enough, I hear of a crime fighting dog getting beat up too! Eye witnesses reported that this dog wore a trench coat and was above average in size too. Coincidence? I don’t know, but still, that’s no reason to pummel him with fists of fury.
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