Dog People v Cat People

I’m a mellow dog, but sometimes an article comes out that really gets my hackles up. Take for instance this piece of journalism discussing the psychology of dog people vs. cat people. We all know there’s a big difference between the two sets of owners, but not so according to the researchers.

There may be no such thing as a “cat person” or a “dog person” after all.

A new study by Ball State University has found that matching yourself with a pet suited to your personality may be more important than whether that pet is a cat or dog.

Let me clear this up. There is a big difference between a cat person and a dog person with the biggest being cat people are narcissistic and smell funny.

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Sad Sack

Humans are thoughtless and cruel. I know I’m preaching to the choir here, but did you know their thoughtlessness goes back many, many years? Check out this invention by some innovator type from back in the thirties. I like how this article from the June, 1936 issue of Popular Mechanics starts out…

When you take your dog along for a ride, but prefer not having it inside the car…

Canines are so lovable, who wouldn’t want to have them inside the car? Unless, of course, it’s a dog like my sister Copper with her gas issues. The other night, she smoked my father out of the bedroom and onto the couch. She’s potent, and if left inside a car, a potential killer. This sad sack invention takes care of that issue. Read more

Working For The Man

We all wonder at times what owners do when they leave the house for nine hours out of the day, only to come back stressed and mentally drained. What are they doing, and why are they doing it? It’s called work and this week you may be lucky enough to find out what goes on.

Take Your Dog to Work Day is June 20, which leaves you little more than a week to convince your boss to let you spread a little interspecies cheer - not to mention dog hair - around the office.

If you do get the green light, remember that you only have this one chance to make a good first impression - and create the possibility of an annual company tradition. Here are some tips for success:

Nobody has to worry about me making a good first impression. Just let me know if you want me to pee or poop first. It’s up to you, I’m easy going that way. Somehow I think that the ‘expert’ writing this may have other ideas. Let’s take a look shall we? Read more

MySpace From Outer Space

If the old adage “the bigger they are, the harder they fall” is true, then Boris, the bull mastiff, is going to have one tough landing. Why do I say this? Because Boris can be seen from outer space! That, my friends, is big.

Most owners worry about losing their dogs if they slip through the front door - but with Boris, the bull mastiff, it is unlikely to be a major concern. The dog, which weighs in at a stagger 14 stone, is so large he can even be spotted from space.

Fourteen stone equates to one thousand nine hundred and six pounds…no, no check that…it’s 196 pounds. Damn decimal point gets me every time. Regardless, the average Boris poop is the size and in the shape of a shetland pony. Read more

The High Life

My old man loves beer and he refuses to give me any. He tells me that alcohol, hops and carbonation are bad for my innards. I don’t buy it. I think he just wants all the beer for himself. That excuse is now going out the window because look at what I just found out on the internets. Dog Beer! You heard right. 3 Busy Dogs has created Bowser Beer. It’s just for dogs and it tastes like beef. Let the party begin…

Introducing Bowser Beer^TM

Does your dog drink responsibly?

I will say that lately I haven’t been drinking very responsibly. In fact, just before I go to bed at night I load up on a bowlful of water. Then, at about 3:00am, I wake up my father so he can carry me downstairs and let me out. He looks tired, but that’s not my problem. Anyway, I’m thinking that maybe Bowser Beer can get me off the water habit and on to something better. Let’s see what’s in it: Read more

A Rose By Any Other Name

Much like our owners, we don’t have much input in selecting our names. At least we’re getting closer to being named as if we were a member of the larger family than in days gone by. I can’t complain about my name, but my sister may have a beef since I haven’t heard of many kids named Copper. Here’s an article on trends in dog names based on surveying owners in the bay area of SanFrancisco.

They’re not just Fluffy, Rover and Fido anymore.

As dog and cat ownership has expanded to nearly 2 out of 3 American households and spending on pet pampering products has exploded, Bay Area residents have taken to giving their animals more human-sounding names - such as Max, Lucy, Samantha, Charlie or, in the case of one San Francisco papillon spaniel, William III.

But the most commonly loved pet of all, according to a Chronicle review of more than 60,000 pet licenses, is a Labrador retriever named just plain Buddy. He lives in at least 89 different Bay Area homes, the data show.

My old man likes to call me Buddy too, as in “Buddy, stop licking yourself”, “Buddy, take the cat’s head out of your mouth”, and “No Buddy, I don’t want to watch Air Bud again.” Read more

I, Robot

I dig robots, especially ones that are created to serve you . Apparently humans feel the same way. How else to explain these two robots created in canine form. First off we have the military industrial complex’s vision of man’s best friend.

Boston Dynamics is developing a quadruped robot the size of a large dog that walks, runs, climbs on rough terrain and carries heavy loads.

Dubbed BigDog, it is powered by a petrol engine that drives a hydraulic actuation system. Its legs are articulated like an animal’s, and have compliant elements that absorb shock and recycle energy from one step to the next.

BigDog has an on-board computer that controls its locomotion through servos on its legs. The control system manages the dynamics of its behaviour to keep it balanced, as well as help it to be steered.

On board sensors measure the BigDogs joint position, joint force, ground contact, and ground load. They are complemented by a stereo vision system and a laser gyro that help with navigation. Other sensors focus on the internal state of BigDog, monitoring its hydraulic pressure, oil temperature, engine temperature, rpm, and battery charge.

And all this time I was using my brain to do the same thing. Silly me.

In separate trials, BigDog has shown that it can run at 4mph, climb slopes up to 35 degrees, walk across rubble and carry a 340lb load.

Yeah, but can it take a dump in the middle of the living room and survive?

While Boston Dynamics focuses its BigDog line at the working dog class, Sony Electronics targets the lazy home dog class, of which I am a member, with its Aibo robotic dog.

Sony Electronics has bred the third generation of its Aibo robotic dog to be faster, smarter — and floppy-eared.

Looks like they’re breeding robots doggy style, eh.

The company’s Entertainment Robot America division on Thursday announced that the ERS-7 model of Aibo is more responsive to voice and touch commands than previous models. And with improved infrared sensors, it is better able to avoid walls, obstacles and edges.

I too have become more responsive to voice and touch commands as the years have gone by, however my sensors for avoiding walls and obstacles are on the fritz. Just feel the bumps on my head for evidence.

The ERS-7 can understand nearly 180 voice commands and, using visual-pattern recognition technology, can find its Energy Station and recharge itself when its battery runs low, the company said. It also features Illume-Face, an LED (light-emitting diode) face panel that lets it better express its feelings, emotions and current conditions.

It’s amazing how life like they can make these things. I too understand tens of words, use visual-pattern recognition technology to identify treats and know when to recharge my batteries by sleeping all day. I choose, however, not to show my emotions. That’s a sign of weakness.
The only question humans need to ask themselves is, “When Skynet becomes self-aware in 2010 at 2:14am, will these robots remain man’s best friend?”

The Crying Game

Although people say, “Bo, you look so cute with that arm in your mouth,” others in my canine class aren’t as lucky.

If you’re a Doberman, German Shephard or a Pit Bull people automatically give you a wide berth and the fish eye. Although gentle on the inside they are the stuff of nightmares for the foot soldiers in the US Postal Service.

What’s an owner to do in order to reduce this prejudice? How about this…

Are you sick of people looking at your breed of dog in fear because politicians and the media are saying things like;

“We want to breed these dogs out of existence,”

“They are killing machines on a leash.”

“These breeds don’t belong in our community”

Well worry no longer, Attachchi will be making disguises for all the so called ‘dangerous breeds’. Now you can go to the park with your kids and your dog (like you have been doing for years), without the worry of people thinking you are a bad parent. All our Invisible Breed Products^TM are currently FREE to to responsible dog owners.

What does the Ultra Poodle Disguise Kit for Dobermans^TM contain?

- ‘Tibet’ fake fur pieces (4 ankle pieces, one body piece, head piece and tail attachment)
- Safe suit fitting method statement and instructions.
- High Quality duct tape
- Under harness
- Black face paint (safe for dogs)

Just look at how cute this poodle is.

Ha! Fooled you. That’s actually a doberman!

Just remember, be careful what you chat up at the local watering hole. What you bring home may not be what you expected.

Nuts!

I wish I had parents that looked out for my well being like this lucky guy from the land down under.

No one is going to call Cooktown bull-terrier cross Apollo a sissy.

The macho mutt is the proud owner of a set of silicone testicles that, after desexing, have allowed him to keep at least the appearance of his manhood.

My manhood was taken from me at a very young age as well, but no one has offered up a new set for me to sport around.

Apollo’s owner Sarah Martin parted with $270 to order the implants over the internet from the US.

And when the two-year-old was desexed, Cooktown visiting vet Rod Gilbert popped in the “Neuticals” ensuring the pup remains all-boy on the outside. Ms Martin insisted the solid silicone implants made little difference to Apollo.

I beg to differ. My self esteem went down the tubes after the procedure and it took years of counseling and bottles of prozac to get me back to the canine I am today.

“It was nothing to do with the dog, or if he’d miss them,” Ms Martin told The Cairns Post.

“I don’t think he knows the difference. It was just that I don’t like the look of it.”

There’s a woman who knows what she likes.

But Ms Martin said the replacement testicles were about half the size of his original, real ones.

Which disappointed her because this is a woman who really knows what she likes.

But Apollo, who loves to watch TV and cuddle with his 23-year-old owner, may be a trendsetter on his home patch.

Turns out he’s the only one in his area to have fake balls.

Let’s just hope he doesn’t get addicted to cosmetic surgery like getting liposuction, breast implants or heaven forbid a pug nose job.

Three Mile Morris

Here’s an interesting story that makes a statement about the times we live in. The following is a story told by a border agent at a meeting of 200 San Juan Islanders. He was there to assure citizens that monitoring was taking place on domestic ferry runs. Sensing skepticism in the crowd he told the following story about the monitoring for nuclear dirty bombs on I-5 the feds had been performing.

“Vehicle goes by at 70 miles per hour,” [Joe] Giuliano told the crowd. “Agent is in the median, a good 80 feet away from the traffic. Signal went off and identified an isotope [in the passing car].”

Isotope is not a derogatory term used by the police to identify stupid perps. Nope, isotope’s identify nuclear material.

The agent raced after the car, pulling it over not far from the monitoring spot.

Giuliano and team were in a race against time as they questioned the driver and searched the car. Tens of thousands of people were at risk. Where was the nuke? Where was it?

It turns out, nowhere.

“Turned out to be a cat with cancer that had undergone a radiological treatment three days earlier,” Giuliano said.

That’s some amazing technology, but it doesn’t take away from the fact the cat should have been arrested and sent to Guantanamo. Why? Have you ever known a cat to not have a dirty bomb up its ass?

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