Free Food at Pubs for Pups

So here I sit in the good old US of A enjoying another day of sunshine and sleep.

Even though my life is great, I always feel there’s someplace better to be. Sometimes it’s as close as the other side of the fence, other times it’s as far away as Europe.

In practical terms this means wanting to whiz on the lightpole on the corner of my street or letting loose a red, white, and blue stream of B20 on the Eiffel Tower.

It all really depends on how ambitious I feel that day.

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Doggie Ice Cream Van

There’s big trouble in the house…and no, it has nothing to do with me.

There’s an accusation from my father that his wife, my dear mother, is poisoning him.

Sadly, I agree. How else to explain his shift in attitude from watching Animal Planet every night to watching Dateline, 20/20, or 16 and Pregnant? She’s poisoned him alright, and it’s gone straight to his brain.

But that’s not the kind of poisoning he was alluding to. No, he’s complaining about being compromised by the food she feeds him.

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Waterworld – Dachshund Edition

Sorry for the lack of posts recently but I was at ‘camp’ this past week while my parents went on vacation.

While they spent the week at the beach taking in the sun, the water and gobs of fatty food I was relegated to camp activities where I did my best to steer clear of getting a doggie shiv to the intestines from Bruiser the Pit Bull. For what it’s worth, once I gave him my Milkbone money, the threat was notably reduced.

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A Little Help From My Friends

I like exercise as much as the next dog, if not more.

OK, that’s a lie. At this stage of my canine career, I don’t like it much. That’s what happens when your bones creak like a listing boat in the middle of the sea, or in an oil soaked gulf (thanks BP).

That’s why the last thing I want to be doing these days is to go on a long walk in the woods.

What’s the point? If I see something worth chasing, I’m on a leash and can’t get to it anyway. I’m done training to look like a bully whippet, so the aerobic exercise is worthless to me now.

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Dog Painting Gone Bad

I’m an artist.

I dabble in an impressionist style, but rather than using vibrant colors, I enjoy the use of an earth tone pallete instead. You could say I favor the color brown above all.

Sometimes my canvas is filled with heavy, oil painting type strokes. Other times it’s like a light watercolor coating. Regardless, the end result is a masterpiece worthy of the Louvre.

Inexplicably, my mother is not a fan of my painting. The subject matter is highly entertaining ranging from stick figures, to bigger stick figures to paw prints. Doesn’t matter, she hates my work.

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A Bright Idea

My mother is a candle freak.

No, I mean it. She lights candles in every room of the house, presumably for the smell. She must be heavily invested in Yankee Candle stock.

One thing’s for sure, she doesn’t light them to get my old man in a romantic mood. Heck, to him a night of romance is eating a rack of bbq ribs, watching Dumb and Dumber, and farting under the covers.

His repertoire lacks lit candles. You’ll find nothing flickering in the bedroom, or  around the bath tub, or in between my bowl of water and kibble. I guess it’s just not in his DNA to create a loving mood.

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No Gay Dogs Allowed

I never questioned my sexually, probably because my berries were removed at a very young age. My lack of interest on the subject was replaced with a hearty quest for knowledge of molecular physics.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t miss them.  Here’s a postcard I recently sent my former friends:

“Dear Balls,

Wish you were here.

-Bo”

I hope they’re doing well, wherever they may be.

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My Little Pony – George the Dog

My old man is a big dog kind of guy, if by big you mean anything larger than 60 pounds.

I think it’s because he likes a full helping of poo to pick up rather than little rabbit turds while on our family walks. Copper, Kensy, Patience and I are more than happy to comply. Hey, it’s what we do.

Then I read today’s story about Giant George and suddenly I’m worried.  Let’s face it, GG puts out the same amount of poo we do, but it only needs to be cleaned up once. If my old man is one thing, it’s lazy. But come to think of it, if this were the only thing my father was worried about, he would have gotten himself an elephant years ago.

Anyway, here’s George and his story from the Daily Mail. Read more

Toilets for the Canine Set

I always hear my parents telling prospective pet owners how wonderful we faithful creatures are.

Clearly there’s a bit of an up-sell there, and something I’m quite appreciative of, when they look to match a homeless animal to a needy human. But is it really necessary?

All studies I’ve read have shown absolutely, positively no downside to the relationship…from a human’s standpoint. For the pet, there’s quite a few negatives but we’re willing to let it slide for some free kibble. Hey, it’s what makes us more adorable than we already are.

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Dead On Arrival

Given the state of the world…this story sounds about right. Read more

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