Cock-A-Doodle-Shhhh

If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it a thousand time, “Bo, be quiet!”

When that doesn’t work, its, “Bo Shut UP!!”

And if that doesn’t do the trick, then its a quick,  “Want a treat?” … which, by the way, always works.

I don’t know why humans are so keen on making animals be unnaturally quiet. I mean, we don’t tell them to shut their pie holes when they go on and on about their mundane lives.

Do I really care that my mother got charged $1 for the side order of special sauce she requested at dinner last night? C’mon honey, get over it and spare my ears.

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Happy Hour Service at Urinal

I’m thirsty.

My bowl is empty and I’m not sure when my parents are planning to fill it up with some good old H two Oh goodness.

During times like these a dog has to take matters into his own paws. Most times I’ll hoist myself up near the cat’s water bowl and drink from it. Unfortunately today, it has cat hair in it and I find that disgusting.

The second alternative is to go outside and look for a puddle or a container with Mother Nature’s rain water in it. Sadly, it’s been drier here  than the South during prohibition.

Which leads me to my last alternative: the toilet bowl.

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Love Knows No Bounds

Love is a crazy thing.It doesn’t care who or what the object of desire is.

For instance, there’s a stuffed animal in our house, it’s a squirrel or maybe a large rat, that my sister Mothball loves to play with. In fact she spends all of her time with it.

I could understand if the stuffing was treat filled but the only thing inside of this abomination is what my parents call”catnip”.

Once Mothball gets a hold of “Roadkill”, that’s my pet name for it, she won’t let go.

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Sheep Special – 50% off

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, cats and dogs, and penguins the world over.

Have you ever noticed that when folks encounter someone handicapped; be it a person in a wheelchair, a bird on a set of crutches, or a dog wearing  coke bottle eyeglasses, they tend to look away. For whatever reason they feel sorry for what they perceive as someone/something that is disadvantaged.

What they fail to realize is that the object of their empathy needs no pity. For who’s to say what mission their soul is on, what lessons they are here on this earth to learn. In fact, what may appear as a handicap to one, may in fact be an advantage to another.

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Crime Fighting Parrot Wants a Cracker

I firmly believe, we all aspire to do great things.

I’ll even include Mothball, the family fat cat, in on that action. Sure her great goal is just to annoy me on a daily basis, but at least she strives to be something better.

For me I’ve always wanted to do good things in law enforcement. I want to head up my own K-9 team to clean up the streets. That’s figuratively speaking, not literally, because let’s face it, no one but a human will pick up dog poop from the street.

I know I’d have achieved my dream already if I only for that damn K-9 cop entrance exam. The whole thing is in German!

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Clean Snakes Are Still Scary

Yesterday, my father dropped my mother off at the airport.It is her annual pilgrimage home, and some time for her to vacation in Maine with her girlfriends.

This is the time of year where my father gets to spend 10 days fending for himself and the army of fur balls he calls his own.

Here it is less than 24 hours later and you can already sense the absence from the home. How you may ask? By simply looking at the counter tops.

Strewn about are four glasses, three peach pits, and a peanut butter laden spoon laying on the dish rag. Don’t even think that anything has been wiped down.

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Falling Mountain Goat Hits Hiker

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, “Some days you’re the dog and some days you’re the hydrant.”

Today happens to be one where I feel like a steel fixture painted red.

This morning my kibble was served dry, my water was warm and the grass I peed on was already wet. That, my friends, is a crap sandwich for an old veteran like me. And not the good kind of crap sandwich (kitty snickers on pumpernickel) I enjoy.

I guess it beats the night my mother had, though. She had to clean up my brother Goliath’s throw up twice last night. Yeah, twice. The old man? He just slept through it…or at least pretended to.

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Spastic Deer Can’t Swim

It feels like summer time here in the southeast. That means temps in the high 80′s with humidity levels approaching triple digits. The old man likes it, I hate it.

Give me the cool temperatures of a northern fall, or the sweet taste of a snowflake on my tongue any day, but apparently if you aren’t bringing cash into the household, you get no say. (C’mon, buy my book so I can relocate back north!)

Anyway, when it’s hazy, hot and humid the best thing to do is take a little dip in the local lake. I know it, my sister Copper knows it, and now a deer in Pittsburgh knows it.

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Polly Want A Pringle?

If I get to choose what I’ll be in my next life, I know what it’s going to be.

You say…a human? Surely you jest.

A cat? Definitely not!

A sloth? Close, but the winner is . . .

A parrot!!

From all that I see, hear and read parrots are brilliant creatures. They live long, never work and they get a perch to sit on while mocking their owners.It’s like getting into the right field bleachers at Wrigley for free!

The smart ones have even trained their owners to give them good treats. Take for instance Reggie, who flew the coop until he got what he wanted.

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Fair and Balanced

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