Hoppy Has Cat Scratch Fever

There’s a perception out there in the human community that dogs are mean based simply on their breed.

I find that despicable. Take for instance Chow Chow’s, of which I share an abundance of chromosomes with, who are seen as territorial thugs. Me a territorial thug? Only when it comes to the jar of peanut butter I hover over.

Let me go on the record and say it isn’t the breed, it’s how they were raised. I’m the greatest example, not an angry bone in my body.

On the other side of the spectrum is Scrappy.

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This Really Gets My Goat

My father and I were out driving around last week when we came upon a strange sight.

By the side of the road, a green statue with a large headpiece waved at us. It was lady liberty, she was alive  and much smaller than I expected her to be.  A few blocks up the road and there was Uncle Sam urging us to beep our horn. Not a mile later Raggedy Ann was waving us into the local furniture store’s parking lot.

What is this phenomenon that is going on?

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Bank Bailout for Ducks

I like ducks.

Yeah, ducks. You know, like Daffy and Donald and Howard and ahhh, what’s her name? The ugly one. Uhhm, I can’t remember her name, but my point is there’s lots of them and they all seem to make the world a better place.

That got me to wondering why some restaurants like to serve them, even though the reviews aren’t that great for the actual meal. I base my observations on the messages I keep sniffing at the local fire hydrant that say ducks are greasy and difficult to eat. I’m thinking it’s a lot like my mother’s boiled chicken. If she’s reading this, please note that the boiling water does nothing to enhance the flavor of the pimply, rubbery skin you serve me. Read more

Seahorse Gets 2 to 1 Odds on Survival

I hate it when folks can’t make up their minds. How hard is it to just make a decision and move on with life?

Why take more than a split second to decide whether to eat the chips or the potato salad first on the dish sitting in front of you? Why spend any time wondering whether to smell a new visitor’s crotch before licking their hand? And time spent thinking about the repercussions of sitting in the old man’s chair is just wasteful.

I say do what makes you feel good.

Today’s story has nothing to do with making decisions, but is used to show that God doesn’t always decide correctly either. How else to explain the seahorse? Read more

Wallaby’s Lawn Care

I love the smell of freshly cut grass, but prefer the taste of an unkempt lawn even more. I find the green stuff settles my stomach, especially after a having a go at some spicy human fare.  It’s also a great time waster when I’m bored.

That said, I’d never want to have to depend on it for my livelihood. Take cows for instance. They chew it, process it and throw it back up. Without it, I presume they would go sirloin up.

Another animal is dependent on grass, too. Specifically three wallabies and their employment as lawn mowers. The BBC has all the details. Read more

Vet Ensures Panda Express Lane Open

I’m a regular dog. Regular as in I poop at the same time, in the same spot, every day.

Occasionally my routine is disrupted with a poorly chosen treat from the hands of my parents, or from the garbage pail. Then I either can’t poop or have a chocolate geyser worthy of a best in class chocolate fondue fountain at a wedding.

I bring this up because today’s story is about a panda getting a colonoscopy.

Sure I could have brought up my love for Katie Couric and all she’s done for public poop shoot awareness, but that would be too ordinary of a lead in, and let’s face it, who doesn’t want to hear about my bowel movements? Read more

Squirrels Say No to Education

They’re at it again, and this time attacking the education system of America.

They being squirrels.

Let’s be honest with ourselves. Squirrels are nothing more than rats with fluffy tails, allowed to roam the backyards of our owners.

But that’s not the issue.  It’s that dogs catch a lot of heat from their owners when they bark at one. If cats are allowed to chew on the heads of field mice, why aren’t dogs allowed to chase down squirrels and nibble on their pointy nosed faces?

Double standards that’s why.

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Can You Spare-ow a Cigarette?

If you don’t smoke, consider yourself lucky. There’s really no upside to pumping volumes of intensely polluted air into your lungs. I hear it makes chasing squirrels a bitch.

I admit I partook in a little puff of the cancer inducing sticks during my youth, particular during the peer pressure days of obedience school. I didn’t enjoy the experience, maybe because it took away from the taste of the beers I was imbibing. I learned from experience that cigarettes weren’t for me. Bo says No to cigarettes.

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Seeing Eye Pony

I imagine many of you out there are worried about your jobs. I am too, and with good reason.

During this economic meltdown no job is safe. There’s just too many of us vying for too few jobs.  How many of you have lined up behind hundreds of other dogs just to get a shot at being a plate pre-washer, a bed-warmer or a taste tester? I’d bet kibble to donuts most of you have. Admittedly, these are low skill positions that are easily outsourced to pugs the world over.

However, even if you have well honed skills, you may be staring economic ruin straight in the butt hole, too. I’m talking about the highly specialized abilities attributed to the upper echelon of doghood. That’s right, the skills wielded by the seeing eye dog class.

Just check out what’s happening in Michigan if you don’t believe me.

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Smelling Good

I have no patience with animals that say one thing to your snout and another behind your tail.

If you have something to say, say it.

Take for instance the animals I like to call my parents. To my face it’s all, “No Bo, your butt isn’t getting any bigger. It’s still cute as ever.”

Behind my back I hear my father tell my mother, “What a tub of goo he’s turning into.”

Now it looks like a bunny is getting in on the two faced party…well kind of.

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