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Sorry for the blog post outage over the past three days but I was on holiday this past weekend. That makes me sound European doesn’t it…you know, the on holiday part, but I’m really not.  But, did you know that holiday means different things to different people? It sure does.  For instance, my parents think it means to go away to the east coast, visit friends and go boating all day.

For my sister Copper, my new brother Logan and me holiday means spending quality time holed up in a large cage at our veterinarians. So while my parents eat, drink and dance the night away, I get to smell Copper’s anal vapor and watch Logan submissively pee over half the cage. If that doesn’t sound like much of a holiday, you’re right.

That’s why it’s good to be back at the keyboard bringing you the latest and greatest animal related news. So let’s get it going with an animal attacking a human.

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Bear-ly Saved

Even I have to admit that it took a honey tree size load of bravery to do what this biologist did.  What did he do? Check this out:

APALACHICOLA, Fla. (CBS) - A Florida Fish and Wildlife biologist pulled off a daring rescue Saturday in the Panhandle: He rescued a bear with his bare hands.

Officials say a 375-pound male black bear was seen roaming a residential neighborhood near Alligator Point, a neighborhood of about 100 homes on a small peninsula about 40 miles south of Tallahassee.

The bear was hit with a tranquilizer dart, but he managed to bolt into the Gulf of Mexico before he was sedated.

Not being smarter than the average bear, this biologist followed him into the water. Read more

Free to a Good Home - Warrior Kitten

Never say that I don’t look to do my part. An old lady needs help to cross the street, I’ll strap her on my back and carry her across. A family member puts more food than they can finish on their dinner plate, I’ll lick it clean for them. And when a helpless kitty needs a home, I’m there to help. That’s why I’m re-posting this craigslist ad for one of my feline friends.

Ferocious attack kitten is available for adoption to any home willing to accept him.

The opening line certainly sounds inviting but please, tell me more about what this killing machine can do.

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McDonald’s Roosteraunt

As I continue to blog, I’m realizing that a lot of the wacky stories out there aren’t dog related at all.  Take for instance this latest one about a chicken hanging loose at a local Mickey Dee’s.

In an era of McNuggets and McChicken sandwiches, this bird brings new meaning to the term “fast food.”

A brown hen has taken up residence outside a McDonald’s in Temecula and, try as they might, neither the employees nor the customers can catch her.

That’s like a dog hanging out in front of a Chinese restaurant in Peking. Sure everything seems OK, until they catch you. Next thing you know, you’re the number 12, extra spicy, on the menu.

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Pickled Pigs Feet

“What a pig!”

I hear that expression a lot from my mother as we watch Dr. Phil from the safety of our couch. I don’t think she’s calling the good Dr. a pig, although I suspect he feeds at a trough.  She aims her sharp attack at the witless men on the TV screen who seem to have difficulty grasping the concept of fidelity.

Now I can say, “What a pig!” too, but for an entirely different reason. Check out this story.

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Airlines Stink

My father travels for work every now and again. He’s always complaining about the airlines and getting stuck sitting next to a big guy, that smells and loves to talk. I think he just likes to exaggerate. Then this morning I get up and read this story as I’m downing my cup a joe. Maybe air travel really does suck.

MIAMI - An uninvited passenger created a smelly situation on a plane in Miami. American Airlines Flight 915 from Miami to Bogota, Colombia, was delayed Wednesday night after a skunk was found in the back of the cargo hold, discharging its foul odor throughout the aircraft, airline officials said.

Call me suspicious but what would drive a passenger going to Colombia to emit a foul odor? Could it be it was trying to cover up the smell of something else? You know, like your owner when she sprays the Glade aerosol into the air after reappearing from the bathroom. Maybe he was trying to cover a stinky doodie, too. Read more

Sic ‘Em

Quick little story showing that I’m not the only one who doesn’t listen to his owner. Thankfully for a Bridgeport, Ct police officer, neither do snakes.

Police officers in Bridgeport, Connecticut, responded Tuesday to a report of domestic disturbance. Apparently, 21-year-old Victor Rodriguez was threatening his girlfriend with his pet python.

As the officers entered the apartment, Rodriguez threatened them, ordering his 3-metre-long pet snake to “Get them!”.

Seeing as the police officer was larger than your average defenseless gerbil treat, the python just lay there, hissing instead. Read more

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle

When I think dangerous, things like knives, guns and chocolate come to mind. The last thing I would think about is a tortoise, and apparently that oversight is what could get me killed. Check out this story of the most dangerous turtle in Britain.

If you see this tortoise, do not approach him. He may be unarmed but he is certainly dangerous.
Rupert, who has attacked children and dogs, is on the run after escaping through a hole in a fence.

I can see why a behemoth tortoise would take down a few kids, for they are generally loud, obnoxious and all grabby like. But why, oh why, would the turtle attack a dog? It’s senseless unless, of course if it was a loud mouth pug. Then I could understand. Read more

Monkey Business

Monkey see, monkey do. That’s the explanation I come up with as to why a damn, dirty ape won’t keep his mitts off the honor of being on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Clearly driven by the sight of Lassie’s and Rin Tin Tin’s names between his toes as he peruses the shops on Hollywood Blvd, Cheeta the monkey actor is pushing to get his name put there as well.

LOS ANGELES - Three stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame have gone to the dogs, so why can’t Cheeta the chimp get some love? The animal actor, whose credits include the 1967 comedy “Dr. Doolittle” and the “Tarzan” movies, is trying for the seventh time to get a sidewalk star and become the first monkey to get the honor.

If fame is the measurement, then you know who should get a star instead of Cheeta? Clyde from Every Which Way But Loose fame. C’mon, any ape willing to kiss Ruth Gordon on the lips deserves a star. Read more

Fangs A Lot

How do you know you’re having a bad day? When you’re on vacation in Australia, and you stop to do your business and then this happens to you. Fortunately it happened to a human and not a canine, but even I feel embarrassed for this guy.

A ROADSIDE toilet stop ended in pain, embarrassment and almost death for a tourist when a highly venomous snake bit the end of his penis.

The deadly brown snake slithered between his legs and lunged at his manhood as he crouched on a roadside near Laura, 300km northwest of Cairns, about a month ago.

Had the tourist taken the precaution of swimming in cold water prior to using the biggest toilet on earth, chances are the snake would have missed his precious tool altogether. Read more

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