Politically Incorrect

New Design in Feline Transportation

You know how sometimes when you see a something, you just have to have it? Like the first time you saw a peanut butter filled kong.

Well I just came across something that I deem a must have item, if not for me, then for my parents. It’s a new design in kitty carriers called Tabby Tote.

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Best Way To Clean A Toilet

My mother likes a clean house, especially the bathroom areas. Here’s how I keep my mother happy by cleaning our toilets, of course following the below guide by a wise dog.

Instructions for cleaning the toilet:

1. Lift the lid on the toilet and fill it with 1/8 cup of animal shampoo.

2. Take the cat in your arms and stroke it gently while slowly moving in the direction of the toilet.

3. At a suitable moment, throw the cat into the toilet bowl and close the lid quickly and either stand or sit on the lid.

4. The cat will now start the cleaning process and will generate plenty of foam. Do not be concerned about the loud noises coming from the toilet; your cat is enjoying himself.

5. After several minutes flush the toilet to start the “Power-wash” pre-wash and then flush again for the main wash cycle.

6. Ask someone to open the front door and ensure that no-one is between the toilet and the front door.

7. Get off the toilet seat and from a safe distance open the toilet lid quickly. The cat will dry off naturally due to the high speed he will be moving from the toilet to the front door.

8. The toilet and the cat are now both clean.

With best wishes,

The Dog

I Know You Are But What Am I?

So my old man took a quiz to find out what kind of dog he’d be based upon his personal traits. I could have told him slug, but apparently that’s not a type of canine. Anyway the results are shown below.

If you want your owner to see what they would be, click on this link.  Then click on the Doberman in the picture or on the word GAME on the left side of the screen.

Why can’t humans just be happy with themselves?

Dog Diary vs Cat Diary

If you were human, tell me, which would you rather hang out with after reading these diary entries?

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG’S DIARY

Day number 182
8:00 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am – OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm – ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM – OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT’S DIARY

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture…Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 – Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors,I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair…must try this On their bed.

DAY 765 – Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was… Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still LODGED between my teeth.

DAY 771 – There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event, however, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call “beer.” More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 – I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and he speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my activities. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time…

-Author Unknown

Bad Air Day

So I had to go the vet the other day for an embarrassing situation. Here’s exactly what happened…

“So what’s the problem, Bo?” the vet asked.

“I’ve been farting a lot. I mean I fart all the time,” I tell her.

She just nods, encouraging me to talk some more.

So I continue, “Luckily, my farts don’t stink and you can’t hear them. It’s just that I can’t stop it. Look, we’ve been talking here for about 10 minutes and I’ve farted five times. You didn’t hear them and you didn’t smell them, did you?”
She just says, “Hmmm,” and then picks up her pad and writes out a prescription.

What a relief, someone that can help me with my problem!

So I say, “Thanks doc. This prescription, it’s going to clear up my farts, right?”

“Well, no,” she said, “the prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test.”

Fahtin Mahtin

Here’s a quick joke for you all…

Mahtin goes to pick up his date for the evening. She’s not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents.

He has a bad case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure.

Luckily, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.

He farts, and the woman yells, “Shep, get down from there.”

The guy thinks, “Great, they think the dog did it.” He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.

This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, “Dammit Shep, get down before he poops on you.”

Do Good, Be Good

What up dogs?

I just received an email from a friend asking for my help. You know me, I can’t say no to anything…

In a nutshell, he has a quarter horse for sale and is looking to find a good home for it. I am giving this wide dissemination because this time of year the demand for horses is very low and that’s not just for quarter horses, either.

He made a big investment into ‘Maggie’ and it just hasn’t panned out so if you, or anyone you know may be interested, please leave me a message.

She’s actually a very beautiful horse. A picture of her in action is at the bottom of this post. If you can’t see it, please click on the more button below.

Don’t be shy…give Maggie a home today…and you’ll have something to chase tomorrow!

P.S. Don’t ask about the cow picture.

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Concentrating In Camp

My folks put me in camp this week, unfortunately my internet connection isn’t very good. Therefore my posting will be a bit sporadic.

So I’ll post a quick joke…not mine…blatantly stolen from a source on the web …

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck.

Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?” “I sure did,” responded his friend. “He can’t swim.”