Koo Kooky Chew

Kooky Chews is a candy toy made for kids. So why am I showcasing it here? Because, it packages mini dog kibble cookies in a dog bowl with a dog bone sweet tart like treat!!

Normally I’m the one doing the product reviews around here, but I’m going to waive that rule in this instance because the product is targeted at human kids.

Let’s see what a bi-ped toy and product guru bi-ped named Michael Mozart has to say about it.

If you don’t see the video in your RSS feed, then click here.

McCain – Obama Bandanas

So I’m sitting there watching a little Animal Planet when the old man comes into the room, grabs the remote and channel surfs to some of them there news outlets. He skips between the venom spewing anchorman, the supermodel newswomen and the anchorperson telling us the world is coming to an end. I don’t pay much attention to it but I notice my sister Copper and my new brother Logan are keenly interested.

Before I know it, those two are tail deep into a discussion about the state of the world and the upcoming US election. They go back and forth and I can’t keep straight who’s going to vote for whom because they never mention a name…

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Mama Mia – Dog Pizza Review

Day in and day out, I get served slop in a bowl for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I guess it’s not so much slop as it is dry hard pellets that taste like cardboard and lamb. So imagine my surprise when my old man pulled his chair up to the computer and surfed over to blissfulbiscuits.com to order me my very own Heaven Scent Pizza.

I drooled uncontrollably as my father read me the ingredients…whole wheat flour, carrots, celery, parmesan cheese, garlic, basil, etc. No additives whatsoever. Sure it didn’t have any lard, but this pie tastes and smells just like a human pizza. Or that was the claim on the website. I couldn’t wait to find out if this pie lived up to the hype or whether it was more Domino’s Pizza than Ray’s Original New York Style.

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Bubble Buddy Review

Imagine, if you will, walking in the rain but instead of raindrops coming out of the sky it’s bacon flavored bubbles. Sound like a dream you’d twitch to? Well, purchase the Bubble Buddy and according to its maker, Happy Dog Toys, it may very well come true.

Recently I was in PetSmart, perusing the aisles with the old man in tow when the Bubble Buddy caught my eye. Once I read the packaging, I knew I had to get one for myself. It read…

• Blow ‘em! Chase ‘em! Chomp ‘em!
• Get ready for bubble chompin’ fun!
• Watch your dog jump for joy
• Your dog will go bonkers over the bacon-scented bubbles
• You and your dog will have a blast!

That was the promise but in practice does the Bubble Buddy meet these lofty goals? Read more

Peanut Butter Review

Peanut Butter, my favorite food. I love licking it from the old man’s spoon during his midnight snack run. Sure it ain’t pretty seeing that big, white belly during a full moon but that ain’t gonna stop me from licking the utensil with all that buttery goodness.

So you may be asking, “Bo, what is your favorite brand of peanut butter?” Well ask no more as I lay out what I see as the critical elements in becoming the best butter of the peanut in all the land.

First off, my peanut butter needs to be peanuts and salt…that’s all. It can’t have partially hydrogenated or palm oil. That stuff will kill you. Not quick, like challenging Michael Vick’s dog to a fight, but slow and painful like listening to a Britney Spears song set on repeat on your iPod. It also can’t be sweetened with sugar, dextrose, sucrose, fru fru cose, etc. Read more

Taxi

I admit it, I’m a TV junkie. When I saw this bed on sale at PawPalaceOnline, it brought me back to a time I used to sit and watch reruns of Taxi. My mother had a huge crush on Tony Danza. To this day I hear my father saying, “Who’s the boss?” when they’re behind closed doors. So I guess I’m not the only one with fond memories of this sitcom.

One of my favorite characters, of the human variety, was Louis DePalma. His no nonsense style is how I would handle myself if I were human. Now I can relive those days by buying a fleet of these plush beds. I can make believe I’m Alex Rieger or Tony Banta or even Jim Ignatowski. As a bonus, if I ever accidentally pee or poop in one, I’ll just have Latka come and clean it up for me.

Headless Dog Found In Topless Bar

I haven’t been happy with the sound my stereo has been putting out for quite some time now; plus it’s a bitch to turn on. The sound was as if I was listening to my old vinyl records…not the 33 LPs but my 78s…on Edison’s original phonograph.

I went online and did my research for a stereo that was easily switched on by a tail. Once found, all I needed was a set of speakers to reproduce highs well outside of human hearing range. Well lookie what I found.

This is functional kitsch; the wrong becomes the new right. By adding a function to an otherwise grotesque object, it acquires new aesthetic values, becoming an object of desire.

Pun intended, this woofer holds the mids between an addition to your sound system and your loyal 4 footed companion.
It’s engineered by a professional audio studio, and sounds remarkably well, compared to your everyday speakersystem!

Only available in a co-axial two way speaker system version [two dogs].

Sure these babies would look better if they were headless cats, but then the demand would outstrip the supply and you’d have no chance of getting these for a mere $999. Grotesque maybe, but they sound oh so sweet.

Two big paws up – highly recommended.

Hump Day

Here’s something to keep you entertained while you read this blog.

USB gadgets aren’t always useful… such as this USB Humping Dog. Sometimes they’re just beyond belief. Product developers could just spend their time inventing the next best thing since sliced bread, but no, bless them.

The world would be a very dull place if it wasn’t for there being inventors out there with enough time on their hands to come up with something so stratospherically stupid as this, the USB Humping Dog.

Well you’ve got to do something with your USB ports, so you might as well have a laugh with them. Pop this excitable pup into your PC’s USB port and watch as he starts high-speed-humping your machine, yes really. This pint size version or our worryingly popular Humping Dog may not be the next best thing since sliced bread, but it’s a lot funnier.

The family friendly version is here.

What can I say, some dogs just love technology.

Guantanamo Cleaners

News just released on the internets of a new form of torture being used on animals worldwide.

Although not covered by the Geneva Convention, one look at this disgusting video and you’ll have no doubt what the meaning of torture is. Go ahead, click on it, if only as a reminder of the brutality of our enemy.

 

 

If you don’t speak french, let me translate for you, “One minute inzide zee masheeen and zee animal wheel never beg again. Gare on teed!”

I urge all of you to write your Senators, Representatives, Councilman and owners to stop this heinous bathing now!

*Breaking News Alert* – If you see a Maytag repair man in your area, do not, I repeat do not approach him.

Holiday Gag

Finally, after searching for months I’ve finally found the ‘big’ Christmas present for my father this year. You know, the ‘big’ present is the one that’s opened last because it’s so special (or expensive).

If you’re [your owner, that is] the type that decides to get dressed for that special occasion before eating and then have to get changed due to the food not quite reaching the point of entry and instead creating a nice stain on your best top, then the Puke Pet is your savior.

Really?! “How does Puke Pet take on the role of savior to the eating challenged?” you ask.

Well, they’re little plastic pins shaped like a sick dog in the throws of a good upchuck. The pin is strategically placed next to the stain on a shirt or pair of pants, making it a work of art. No washing required.

Puke Pets are perfect for the slob of a man my father is. Everything he eats can be seen on his shirts. Although it drives my mother crazy, I like it. It allows me to pull his clothes out of the hamper and suck on the succulent parts.

Now, if I could only find a Puke Human to stick next to the pee spot on the rug. I can only hope that’s my ‘big’ present for this year.

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