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Holiday Gag

December 7 | 2 Comments

Finally, after searching for months I’ve finally found the ‘big’ Christmas present for my father this year. You know, the ‘big’ present is the one that’s opened last because it’s so special (or expensive). Oops

If you’re [your owner, that is] the type that decides to get dressed for that special occasion before eating and then have to get changed due to the food not quite reaching the point of entry and instead creating a nice stain on your best top, then the Puke Pet is your savior.

Really?! “How does Puke Pet take on the role of savior to the eating challenged?” you ask.

Well, they’re little plastic pins shaped like a sick dog in the throws of a good upchuck. The pin is strategically placed next to the stain on a shirt or pair of pants, making it a work of art. No washing required.

Puke Pets are perfect for the slob of a man my father is. Everything he eats can be seen on his shirts. Although it drives my mother crazy, I like it. It allows me to pull his clothes out of the hamper and suck on the succulent parts.

Now, if I could only find a Puke Human to stick next to the pee spot on the rug. I can only hope that’s my ‘big’ present for this year.

Aldo Nova

I’ve heard of kidnapping humans in Colombia but didn’t realize it had progressed to the canine set. kidnap

BOGOTA (Reuters) – A kidnapped Colombian dog held for $350,000 (170,600 pound) ransom was recovered on Friday after his abductors dropped him off at a veterinarian’s office, saying he needed a bath.

Think about how badly this dog [Aldo de Fescal] must have smelled to force the abductors to drop him off at the vets. Yeah, pretty stinky!

If I were an advisor of the kidnappers, which I am not, I would recommend sprinkling a little Optima 365 on the captive’s food to keep the dog’s coat fresh and non-stinky. This product gets a big paws up from my sister Copper. It is highly effective on body odor. On her farting? Not so much.

To me it’s surprising Aldo even needed a bath. I mean, if you’re being held for $350,000 ransom, I’m thinking your poop doesn’t even stink.

Tour De Neighborhood

October 18 | 3 Comments

I’ve never really enjoyed riding bikes, maybe it’s because my paws are too short and never reached the pedals, but humans love the sport. Well, the skinny ones, anyway. Now someone’s figured out a way that we can all enjoy a good, old-fashionedsakiseat bike ride.

It seems dog owners are barking the praises of Glen Malmskog for coming up with a unique way for them to ride their bike and schlep their pooch at the same time.

The 49-year-old Mesa resident invented the Saki Seat, a dog seat for canines 40 pounds or lighter, to rest between the legs of any confident bicyclist.

I will say that it looks a lot more comfortable than a standard bike seat. This one doesn’t have a pole with a little pad at the end of it sticking up your butt.

So what caused Mr. Malmskog to create this innovative seat? Read more

Kong – Red, Rubbery and Filled With Goodness

Kong – every dog knows what it is. It’s the iPod for the canine set. But is it really all it’s cracked up to be? Well read this review and find out.bo kong

How did the greatest invention in canine treat history, The Kong, come about? Well, it begins with a German Sheppard named Fritz, his owner and a Volkswagen Van.

Fritz, a police dog, enjoyed chewing rocks to relieve the stress of the day. This activity wore Fritz’s teeth down, frustrating his owner Joe Markham as well as his dentist, Dr. Christian Szell.

One afternoon while working on his Volkswagen Van, Joe noticed Fritz dining on rocks once again. It had been a particularly harrowing day of capturing criminals and Fritz was taking it out on a tasty piece of basalt. Out of desperation, Joe began disassembling the van he was working on and threw parts near Fritz to see if he could be coaxed away from his destructive dinner.

Radiator hoses didn’t work – neither did anything else until he pulled off a suspension part and gave it to Fritz. The suspension part was covered with a rubbery, ribbed boot. Right away, Fritz was ecstatic. His encounter with the Michelin Man earlier in the day may have had something to do with the immediate attraction; regardless of the motivation the KONG was born!

Two things to take away from this story. The first, you don’t need to be bright to make money in this world, just lucky. The second, Volkswagen Van’s always break down. Get yourself a Porsche instead, preferably the Carrera GT.

Now that you know how the Kong came to be, how did I become to know the Kong?

Read more

Just Do It – Swoosh

October 1 | 4 Comments

I’m fast, or used to be in my youth. Even with old age kicking in I feel the need to show bursts of speed now and again. The most recent opportunity occurred this pastdog boots weekend when I was fortunate enough to get a walk at my local park.

Wandering around minding my own business, I noticed a yellow lab eyeballing me from a distance. He was in my age group, in the 95-105 range. He moved lethargically as he approached me but he gave me a look that showed he still had some spark in that old body.

Indeed it did, for as our noses met, he says he wants to race me.

I say, no way you’ll hurt yourself.
He says that I’m scared of racing him.
I say, ok if you really want to race I will but let’s race for something.
He says milkbones. Twenty milkbones to be exact.
I say, no problem old man bring it on.
He says, ok but wait one second. So I did.

Next thing I know he pulls out these things I’ve never seen before. Turns out they’re called Bark’n BootsTM Grip TrexTM and he ties them on his paws.

He tells me he’s ready to race; to the bench with the bum sleeping on it and back.
I say let’s go. And we went.

Well, after forking over 20 milkbones, I’m begging my parents to buy me a pair of these cool boots. I tell them I need two pair since I have four paws. They say no…if anything they’ll purchase me some Doggles. I don’t want no stinkin’ glasses, I want some sneaks…or as a friend calls them, gym shoes.

They say they don’t know where to get them. I say just go to this website and order them.

I can’t wait until they come in the mail and I get a chance to win my twenty milkbones back.

P.S. My sister owns a pair of Doggles because she’s always sticking her head out the window of the car. They’re great for protecting her eyes from insects and flying rocks plus they’re awesome for her hobby in welding.

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