Down the Stretch They Come

I’ve been on a few ‘freestyle’ runs in my day.

If you’re not familiar with what that means Websters has a nice definition. Here it is:
Main Entry: free·style run
Pronunciation: \’frē-ˌ stī(-ə)l  run\
1. Bo plus his sister Copper minus his parents, running wild in the neighborhood
2. A run the government frowns upon

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Snake Can’t Kick Cigarette Habit

Sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll. It’s a sure path to ruin.

I don’t partake in any of it. Heck, I won’t even consider the gateway activity to getting there. You know, smoking.

Sure I get peer pressure to take a toke on a Virginia Slim or a Marlboro Light, but no matter how much Ruger the boxer insists, I just won’t inhale.

The reason is simple. If I’m  going to inhale something that isn’t healthy, it’s going to be a Whopper from BK, or dare I say it, a Big Mac from McDees. Yeah life expectancy is cut short by six months for each one you eat, but at least your enjoying the taste. Read more

A Visit From The Grim Kitty

You like cats? Do you really?

You like them sauntering over to you, rubbing their head against your leg, your chest and your face? You like that do you?

How about when they curl up in a ball next to you while you rest? Do you like the feeling of their fur against your skin, the smell of their tuna breath, and the sound of their purr? Do you like that? Do you?

Well have I got a story for you from The Telegraph. If you have a cat snuggled up next to you right now, I urge you to read this now, and be quick about it. Read more

Buffaloes – A Steep Price for Love

I admit it. I’ve cheated on my parents.

These trists occur when I’m out alone touring this great land of ours, typically occurring after a backyard break out that had been planned for days.

Once out, I’ll seek the nearest stranger offering comfort. Comfort in food that is. I don’t care if they’re holding a hot dog, a delectable human snack or even a rubber chicken, I’ll stop and let them pet me. Surely, and inevitably, a nibble of what’s in their hands is next.

Some may call that doggie prostitution, but hey, you do what you gotta do to survive.

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Pachyderms Love Nice Buns

Humans think they are so superior, don’t they?

Ever notice how they like to command you to do things? Sit…stay…come…no…No…NO!

Do they really think we’re going to comply if it isn’t in our best interest?

If I want food, I whine. If I want to be petted, I raise my paw and expose my belly. If I want to run free, I slip my leash. It’s my agenda we’re following not theirs.

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Cowabunga Dude

I like cows.

Especially covered in cheese, ketchup and in between two buns (hey, I’ll be here all week folks!).

Well, it turns out cows can be quite menacing. Really.

I’m not just talking about those heifers defacing local billboards, but real moo moos. The kind that hang loose in open fields chewing their cud, and the creators of tournament quality cow chips.

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Skunk’s BMI Off The Chart After Bacon Binge

I’m a hearty eater.

If I had input into my daily rations it would look something like this:
Breakfast: bacon and eggs- hold the eggs and give me extra bacon- preferably crispy
Lunch: bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich- hold the lettuce and tomato. Oh, and substitute the bread for some bacon.
Dinner: A pig. Yeah the whole damn thing. It’s dinner time for crying out loud. You want me to starve?

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As the Penguin World Turns

Love. You can’t beat it.

I love stretching out on the bed in the morning and getting a vigorous belly rub. I love barking by the kitchen window when I see my parents come home. I love cuddling with my old man on a Saturday afternoon in the spare bedroom.

What can I say, I’m just a love machine. I just hope my batteries don’t run out too soon.

But for humans, sometimes love doesn’t last. Just ask Jon and Kate, famous for making the other eight. Their true love turned into jealousy and selfishness.  Oh well, it doesn’t always have to be that way.

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Geese Bomb Beaches

Dogs get a bad rap when it comes to beach side communities. Residents think we do nothing but poop on their precious sandy beaches. I got news for them, we poop on their lawns too.

I’m not worried, we’ve always gotten a poor press from some people but still found our way into the hearts and minds of millions of others.

Geese on the other hand need to be more wary of their actions. There’s already a ’season’ to hunt them. You’d think the last thing they would want to do is provide a reason to extend the duck hunt.

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Hole in One for Pachyderm

I have to admit that I’m pretty fortunate when it comes to my weight. I’ve never packed on the pounds the way some mutts do. No Wait! Watchers for this pup.

That’s probably due to a combination of good exercise, good quality food and an amazing ability to digest human snacks.

My feline sister Moose, on the other hand, is a fat ass. She eats a lot, sleeps a lot and wouldn’t chase a mouse, even it was named Sir Lancelot. That doesn’t sound like fun and it makes me wonder why she chooses to live her life this way.

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