Big Bird Lives With Family

Monkeys To Enforce Speed Limits in China

My mother got a ticket the other day for making an illegal u-turn.

Nobody saw her make it, least of all the person that broadsided her, but she was written up for it anyway.

Sure she was just making a left hand turn, and the person that hit her came from behind and hit her all the way over in the oncoming lane, but common sense has nothing to do with law enforcement.

It’s all about generating money for Big Brother.

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Cow Gets Head Stuck In Ladder

I’m pretty handy when it comes to work around the house.

I know that sounds surprising because Chows are known to be purchasers of handyman services rather than actual doers.It must be the Golden side of me that kicks in when projects need to be tackled around the homestead.

I do it all.

I landscape by digging holes in the front, back and Read more

Orangutans Deliver Bicycle Safety Message

I am afraid of monkeys.

Look at recent news events and you’ll quickly discover why. It’s quite apparent one face isn’t enough for them. They want yours too.

For a lot of people this isn’t a problem since they have two, but for me, I don’t know what I’d do without my money maker.

I understand there’s a variety of monkeys, just as there is a variety of dogs. There are the organ grinders, the sky scraper climbing gorillas, and the ones with bad haircuts that make music to match.

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Cow Fails To Jump Over the Moon – Hits Car Instead

My old man grew up next to a farm.

He took me back there once. I was amazed by how many cows roamed the countryside.

At first glance, it appeared the bovine class had the perfect life: large open spaces to run around in, a pond for swimming, and so much poop you couldn’t smell it all in one day.

What a life!

Then I saw the uglier side.

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Tweet You – Birds Trade Insults In Song

Yo, what up dog?

That’s my attempt at putting out a gangsta image. You know, make me more Rotty than Yorkie.

Of course I can always up my street cred by showing disrespect (‘dissing’ as the pups bark these days) for cats. It also helps if I wear my fur suit around my ankles.

Instead of chasing cats at my advanced age, I throw verbal barbs at them. Things like, “Is that a Kong in your pocket or are you just happy to see me,” and “Yo mamma is so ugly, her face would stop the Purina Gravy Train.” Read more

Bat Takes Delta Flight – Not Charged Baggage Fee

My old man isn’t manly.

Last night he sat me down and told me of the time he was under attack from a bat. Not a baseball bat, but one of those things that swoops down on you at dusk.

Apparently he, and his two roommates, were watching TV when a bat suddenly flew into the room. Where it came from nobody knew.

When it appeared each of them scrambled about, climbing over each other to get to the door, all the while screaming like little school girls.

These were strong young men in their early twenties. Read more

Chicken Attacks Mailman Looking For Seed Money

I don’t have much respect for mail carriers.

That may sound harsh to some, but it’s part of my DNA.

The animosity goes back to the beginning of time. Back to the days we protected the opening of our owner’s cave. Even then, when Kliff came to deliver stone letters sent from afar, he’d taunt us by throwing Brontosaurus bones at our muzzles.

Yes, the same Brontosaurus bones that are as deadly to dogs as grapes are.

Things haven’t changed much since then. But maybe they should.

As I type this, the famous words of one Rodney King come to mind, “Can’t we all just get along?” Read more

Foiled Scooby Doo Carjacking

There are some things that a dog holds sacred.

His bowl, his hydrant and his heroes.

Before you get any ideas about who falls into the latter category, rest assured few, if any humans reside there. It is strictly reserved for the likes of Rin-Tin-Tin, Cujo and Scooby Doo.

Yeah that’s right, Scooby Freakin’ Doo.

That hound had more guts than a slaughter house on a Friday afternoon. Read more

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Horse Grows Moustache – Decides To Keep It

My old man like’s to grow facial hair.

It’s not because it makes him look good or dangerous.  It’s because he’s lazy.

He shaves once a week whether he needs it or not. Sadly, he’s got the same regiment when it comes to showering.

My mother isn’t a fan. Thank god, because if she were she’d blow his smell my way (Get it, she’s a fan!).  A dog can only handle so many nasty smells before he passes out. By all accounts, I’d never wake up.

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