June 23 | 1 Comment
That’s right, not only are we adorable, non-judgemental and eager to please, but now we’re also getting into the human healthcare game.
Turns out our noses are life savers. No, not the green, red or yellow variety but the soul saving kind. A sniff here and a sniff there and we can tell whether a diabetic’s blood sugar falls to a dangerous level.
Of course it is at this point the true test of being man’s best friend comes into play. Ask yourself, are you going to give up that Butterfinger bar in your fur suit to save that human?
April 30 | 1 Comment
Chocolate. The forbidden fruit.
I think it’s a fruit because it’s certainly not a vegetable, and truth be told, vegetables are deadly too. It’s just that veggies steal a little of your soul one crappy asparagus tip at a time rather than the quick demise cocoa offers.
Check out how one Polly Purebred cheated death while cheating on her diet in this story from the BBC.
A dog narrowly avoided death after eating more than 20 chocolate cupcakes.
April 14 | 1 Comment
It’s eggs silly…and the type we canines can partake in.
Don’t be fooled by cheap imitations. Take the Cadbury Egg, for instance, which is yellow on the inside, but a discolored brown on the outside. Sure it tastes sweet, almost too sweet, but instead of pumping you full of life, it will suck it out of you.
How many Cadbury eggs do you think Cool Hand Luke could have eaten? Certainly not the 50 real eggs he downed with the help of his friend, Dragline. My guess is he’d max out at 17 before a sugar coma put him out of commission for a 72 hour nap.
March 23 | Hmmm...No Comments Yet
If it’s good enough for the Cat Lady, then it’s most certainly good enough for a crocodile named Robo Croc. We’re talking about a little nip and tuck of the facial variety.
Some may be surprised, but I’m actually against getting work done on our money makers.
Why would I want to inject my lips with fat from my rear end? No thanks. The only ass fat that I want injected in me is cow fat. And by injected I mean, delicately placed in my mouth. Read more
March 9 | Hmmm...No Comments Yet
That’s probably why my parents moved me to the south.
Before relocating however, I did rack up a few good tips for surviving in Mother Nature’s coolness:
January 22 | 1 Comment
I remember my first video game system … Colecovision. It was a hand me down from my father, given to me at my second birthday party. Although I enjoyed Donkey Kong immensely, my all time favorite was Burgertime.
Let’s be honest, what’s not to like about making burgers that are five times bigger than the chef? I’d just wished I’d had opposable thumbs so I could control the game better.
Life is so much easier for pups today because they have access to the Wii. Although I don’t have any direct experience with the system, I’m waiting for the next generation Poo to come out, I hear the system kills.
November 14 | Hmmm...No Comments Yet
Let me just reiterate what many of you already know. I’m not a dog that’s going to be trained to make my owners’ lives easier. I know this isn’t the case in a lot of households, but I can’t change the world. I can only make suggestions and hope some of you canines see the wisdom in my words.
If told to “Go get me my slippers”, just say no and lick their feet. Make sure to get in between the toes, that’s where the good cheesy taste is.
When they demand you “Fetch me the paper”, respectfully suggest they go online to get their news instead.
And if ordered to “Get me a beer from the fridge”, do so, but make sure to drink it before bringing it back. If that makes you pee, do so in the confines of the house.
Let’s face it, we weren’t put on this earth for them, they were put on this earth for us.
September 12 | Hmmm...No Comments Yet
Cowboys and Indians. You remember that game don’t you?
Years ago, long before the political correctness wars took hold, young kids would play that game for hours on end. Honest injun, I kid you not. I used to love watching the kids play, waiting for the moment they would stop, plant their fat butts on a rock and open up a snack pak of Doritos. That’s when I’d make my killing.
Apparently, a dog named Summer-June lacked my patience and it nearly ended in her death. How?
Just read on…
September 8 | 1 Comment
My old man loves the game of golf. He’s what you call a hacker. Frankly I don’t get what’s so fun about hitting a little white ball around and then chasing it. I mean, it’s not like the balls are marshmellows or even eggs that you can eat afterwards. But hey, nobody ever accused humans of being the sharpest knives in the drawer.
Well, a labrador on the other side of the pond appears to have taken his love of the game of golf and married it up with his love of grub. Ingenious. I wonder why no other canine has ever thought of it!
August 29 | 1 Comment
Those were the words Ozzy Osbourne sang before he bit the head off of a live bat during a concert way back in the 80′s.
It’s unclear whether Ozzy was learning how to love bat heads, sushi style, or whether he was trying to forget the hate he felt for his mother by gnawing on a little bat lollipop.
Either way one thing was clear, this stunt had the effect of propelling Ozzy to near god status on the youth of the world. To this day, it continues. Take for instance Ozzie, a Staffordshire terrier, that tried to one up the Prince of Darkness by chomping down a whole duck…well a whole rubber duck.