I mean, what’s not to like? They’re master billboard climbers, creators of bone hardening drinks, and taste great covered in steak sauce.

Granted there are some things that could improve. For instance, instead of chewing cud they could chew fat. Or how about that dried out softball glove my old man has. Why does H2O affect it even though cows love to spend their time dancing in the rain? And, getting back to the billboards, they could improve on their spelling.

But those are just minor issues. The Indians know it (no, not the native ones, but the billion people ones). They treat moo-moos like gods.

It’s the same attitude a Milkman from the UK has. In fact, he loves spreading the word. Just read the article to find out the lengths he goes.

Mr Fowler arrived wearing a dark suit with white patches sewn on to its front and back, and much of the sleeves covered in white material, in tribute to his favourite animal – the Friesian cow.

51-year-old Mr Fowler also wore a dark tie covered with cows.

The milkman was awarded the MBE for services to the people in and around the Leicestershire town of Melton Mowbray, where he not only delivers milk, but acts as the eyes and ears of the police and helps vulnerable residents on his rounds.

He said: ‘It’s very humbling to be here and a privilege and I regard this MBE as something for all milkmen. Normally they are quiet people – if they do something they don’t want to be recognised – so this is for all of them.’

We will now do some puns.

It is not known if the Queen was amoosed by Mr Fowler’s clothing. Maybe more traditionalist people would think that it was an udder disgrace. We hope he doesn’t have MBSE. He’ll be milking that story for years.

We bet he went out and got slaughtered afterwards.

Jokin’ Jonny Moocow still owes me a video. Add ‘meeting commitments’ to the list of negatives for these spotted creatures.

For instance, some male dogs pee sitting down. I know, it’s shameful.

Then there are those pups out there that let themselves get mounted in the dog park? Yeah, right in front of all those wet noses.

Of course there are canines out there that share their dog food bowl with the household cat. At least it’s done behind closed doors, but the damage to the psyche is done nonetheless.

But it isn’t just dogs that fall into the trap of losing their self respect. It happens to bears too. The Metro.UK has the details of the latest incident.

Firefighters had to fit the groggy black bear with a harness then use a ladder to lower it to the ground after it climbed up a tree in a cemetery in Oxnard, California before being tranquillised by Fish and Game department officials.

The bear dozed off in the branches with at least three tranquilliser darts hanging from its side.

The bear had been reported prowling a nearby neighbourhood just after 2 a.m.

It was first spotted in a fire station parking lot, then up a tree in a condominium complex. Two apartment buildings were evacuated as police tried to track the bear down. It eventually climbed over the cemetery wall and headed up the tree, where it was tranquillised.

After it was safely lowered to the ground, Fish and Game experts bundled the bear in a tarpaulin, and police say it will be released in Los Padres National Forest.

Well at least he didn’t get stuck IN the tree like Winnie the Pooh.

My rawhides? Replaced by Greenies.

Those Greenies? Replaced by 100% natural dog biscuits.

And those dog biscuits? Replaced by a whole lotta nothing.

Apparently I’m a fat tub of goo according to my parents, and the vet’s scale. But hey, at least nobody is talking about replacing me.

Unfortunately for Punxsutawney Phil, he can’t say the same. The Metro.UK has the story.

An animal rights group wants organisers of Pennsylvania’s Groundhog Day festival to replace Punxsutawney Phil with a robotic stand-in.

According to the longtime tradition, if Phil the groundhog sees his shadow on the Feb. 2 unofficial holiday, then there will be six more weeks of winter. If he does not appear to see his shadow, there will be an early spring.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals says it’s unfair to keep the animal in captivity and subject him to the huge crowds and bright lights that accompany tens of thousands of revelers each year in Punxsutawney, a tiny borough about 65 miles (105 kilometers) northeast of Pittsburgh.
groundhog Robots to replace groundhogs?

But William Deeley, president of the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, says the animal is “being treated better than the average child in Pennsylvania.”

Of course, the average child in Pennsylvania is kept in a rabbit hole. These holes typcially don’t have heat, but they do have central air…which is nice during the summer.

I admit my family is no different than others and have these issues. My father is a drinker…of 3 pints of draft beer a week. My mother is a smoker…of every dinner she’s made this year. My sister Copper is a gambler…on her farts not killing everyone in the house.

Me? I do what I want. If I want a drink, I go to my bowl of water. If I want smokes, I steal them from Fonzy’s shirt sleeve. If I want to gamble, I ride shotgun with my mother driving.

We all live sinfully. Even rabbits.

The Worcester News has the story of Daisy and her decadent lifestyle.

IT was a case of “slot’s up doc?” for this pub-loving rabbit, who has become addicted to the fruit machine at a Worcestershire pub.

Daisy the rabbit – who is actually a male – even enjoys drinking cider while having a cheeky flutter at the Prince of Wales in Malvern.

Ian Randall, landlord at the Newtown road pub, moved Daisy into the bar two weeks ago to escape the big freeze.

Mr Randall said his bunny hasn’t bugged the locals by hogging the fruit machine and most drinkers have been amazed by his bizarre behaviour.

“He’s quite an inquisitive rabbit, and he keeps on looking at the flashing lights and reaching up to have a go. The locals have to keep a careful watch on where they stand when they are having a flutter, because Daisy is usually right behind them waiting to have a go himself.”

“However, there is a handful of drinkers here who would probably rather put him into a stew though,” Mr Randall said.

Fruit machines are just a gateway platform to Wii addiction.

Well it looks like they’re turning those big ole eye balls towards a new critter to harrass. Specifically, the rabbit.

Yahoo News tells us what’s going on in with those mad cows in the UK…

Paul Coppen, 69, who supplies London’s oldest restaurant with pedigree beef, was struggling to keep an army of rabbits from stripping his pastures bare.

So in an attempt to gain the upper hand, he camouflaged his vintage Massy Ferguson tractor as a cow – complete with a firing platform and a gunslit from which to blast the unwary bunnies.

He admitted the disguise – a black and white heifer painted on a wooden board fixed to the side of the vehicle – was not entirely foolproof.

“It has to be said that not all rabbits are entirely fooled. Whereas cattle obviously do move around, trees usually don’t and that may be a problem.”

“I won’t pretend this device is going to be the be all and end all of rabbit control – but it does seem to startle them somewhat and stops them from scampering away too quickly, which give us a chance to have a shot at them.

“Luckily, no cows have been accidentally shot so far and Granite Brain, the stock bull, has not displayed any amorous or belligerent intentions towards the glamorous heifer depicted on the side of the tractor.”

Anybody else think this is a setup for a classic Looney Tunes cartoon with Bugs Bunny?

Here’s some video goodness for your enjoyment…

If you can’t see the video in your RSS feed, then click here.

Occasionally my routine is disrupted with a poorly chosen treat from the hands of my parents, or from the garbage pail. Then I either can’t poop or have a chocolate geyser worthy of a best in class chocolate fondue fountain at a wedding.

I bring this up because today’s story is about a panda getting a colonoscopy.

Sure I could have brought up my love for Katie Couric and all she’s done for public poop shoot awareness, but that would be too ordinary of a lead in, and let’s face it, who doesn’t want to hear about my bowel movements?

OK maybe my parents don’t, but they have no choice, especially after a broccoli and cheese dinner.

On to the story.

One of the many advantages of being a panda is that you can have a colonoscopy without drinking gallons of colon-clearing GoLYTELY first.

Tai Shan, the celebrity panda born at the National Zoo, only had to fast for a day before his colonoscopy yesterday.

He underwent the procedure to check whether his digestive tract had healed from eosinophilic colitis, a rare chronic inflammatory bowel condition diagnosed last summer. It seemed to be normal, although the zoo is waiting for biopsy results, according to Carlos Sanchez, the veterinarian who performed the exam.

The procedure started at 7:30 a.m. and required at least 10 staff workers, including doctors and panda trainers, said Suzan Murray, the zoo’s chief veterinarian medical officer.

Murray said he was given medication for his intestinal problems and had the colonoscopy as a follow-up. Doctors also took X-rays and blood for testing as part of a regular checkup.

The trainers coaxed Tai Shan to an area of the Panda House where doctors could get close enough to anesthetize him, Murray said.

I’m thinking this colonoscopy exam is a one and done thing because a coaxing strategy isn’t going to work twice.

Picture courtesy of Jessie Cohen — Smithsonian Institution

But when a Nutt brings up the same issue, the world stops and listens.

The issue? Glorified rats running free. The BBC News has the details of the latest incident.

A woman in Northern Ireland says her home has been over-run by grey squirrels.

Oonagh Nutt, from Moira in County Down, says the animals first came into her garden from an adjoining park six years ago, but in the last 18 months they got too close for comfort.

“I thought it was lovely, I called one of them Hazel but then the next thing they’d got into the house,” she said.

Mrs Nutt says the squirrels have caused serious damage: “They chewed their way through my roof in several places, they tunnel through the cavity walls, they live under the floor boards, they go to the toilet in the attic.

“Up close they are quite frightening – they look like puppy dogs with big hands, they growl and bark at you, they’re vicious things. They’ll go for you.

“I have a small child in the house and regularly at night the scratching and chewing and moving about will wake him up.”

Mrs Nutt is unhappy with the attitude of her local council to the pest problem.

“I rang Lisburn City Council three times and have been told in short to go away. They say they’re not a pest so there’s nothing they can do.”

The City Council knows that squirrels are born with the free loader gene. Once you invite them in, you’ll never get rid of them. Game over.

Employees of a US pet shop expecting a shipment of tropical fish and salt water received a man’s dead body instead.

He says he learned the body was that of a 65-year-old San Diego-area man who died of early onset Alzheimer’s disease.

The body was supposed to go to a research laboratory in Allentown, a 70-mile (113-kilometer) drive away.

US Airways Inc. released a statement saying the air cargo problem was caused by a “verbal miscommunication between a delivery driver and the cargo representative.” The Tempe, Arizona-based airline says it’s deeply sorry.

I wonder if the pet store employees were tipped off when the cargo representative was a fish.

Normally I’m not against poop, heck I enjoy eating some brands, but pigeon dung really shouldn’t even be classified as such.

Regardless of my feelings for the species, there are limits to what they should have to endure. That limit should stop just short of what happened to the two birds in the following story.

An Australian traveller was caught with two live pigeons stuffed down his trousers following a trip to the Middle East, customs officers said today.

The 23-year-old man was searched after authorities discovered two eggs in a vitamin container in his luggage, said Richard Janeczko, national investigations manager for the Customs Service.

They found the pigeons wrapped in padded envelopes and held to each of the man’s legs with a pair of tights, according to a statement released by the agency. Officials also seized seeds in his money belt and an undeclared eggplant.

Charges of wildlife smuggling – which carry a maximum penalty of 10 years imprisonment and a fine of 110,000 Australian dollars (£48,600) – could be brought against the man.

Is that a pigeon in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

I lived near a herd of sheep at one time. When I barked once; they’d turn left. When I barked twice; they’d turn right. When I barked three times; they’d run out and get me the paper.

Turns out, they’re quite obedient if you resemble a canine.

That’s why, when I read this story, I wasn’t surprised one bit.

He could be forgiven for looking just a bit sheepish, but this shepherd has learned how to control his flock using just a poster of a wolf.

No doubt the sheepherder said, “This is a real wolf. It is not a picture.”

Farmer Du Hebing couldn’t afford another dog after his old one died and had a brainwave after visiting a local wildlife park.

“They had a flock of rare sheep and as a joke one of the keepers had put a picture of a wolf in the enclosure.

“But I noticed that the sheep never went near it,” he explained.

Now Du has got his neighbours wondering what he flock he’s up to every time he moves his sheep.

“People laugh and point but it works – and the poster eats a lot less than any sheepdog,” he said.

Yeah, but who will keep him warm at night? Good luck cuddling a poster.