Cat Thinks It’s a Chick

I’m not sure what I want to become when I grow up.

Yeah I know time is running out, with me being 17 and all, but once you give up on your dream there’s not much left.

So here’s a partial list of what I’d like to become:

1) Firehouse dog Read more

Retirement Home for Cats

I woke up this morning to the realization that it was a Monday.

To some it offers the opportunity of a fresh start, of a week full of accomplishments ahead. To me, it’s the dreary realization of another tough work week.

That’s right, I have the daily grind of napping, pooing, walking, napping, eating, pooing and peeing ahead of me for the next five days. Hopefully a vet visit isn’t in the cards. It ain’t easy being me, especially at my advanced age.

What I need is some pampering, the kind I get from the old man on the weekends. We sleep late in the morning, we nap together on the guest bed in the afternoons and we snore the evening away on the couch after sharing a dinner of chicken nuggets…with bbq sauce. It’s paradise, I tell ya.

If only I could do this all the time. Read more

Fat Cat is Really a Fat Pig

Rigitoni? Linguine? Fettuccine?

No thanks. If I’m going to partake in the heaven known as pasta, I’m going to select one that says something about me. That’s right, when dining on Italian cuisine, I opt for pasta number 9…better known as Angel Hair pasta.

Let’s be honest, not only do I have an angelic disposition, but my long strands of fur are to die for!

I like my dish with a little clam, hamster or squirrel sauce on top. Over all these years, the only thing that’s changed is rather than having it cooked al dante I now prefer my pasta cooked to a gooey mush. Simple reason, really. Much like Michael Scott, I’ve developed soft teeth.

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Penguin Watching Cat Catches Train

“I hear the train a comin’. It’s rollin ’round the bend. And I ain’t seen the sunshine since, I don’t know when.”

Fans of the Man in Black will recognize those words from the classic tune, Folsom Prison Blues.

No, I’m not in prison, although I have fantasized about  shooting a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

I guess that’s not 100% true. I’ve fantasized about shooting a man, not in Reno, but right here in Atlanta, and that man is my father.

Not surprisingly this repeated fantasy occurs every time that SOB tickles my toe fur when I doze off.

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Cats Are Cheaters

I read the headline, stunned at its implications.

“Cat gets GED”

What’s the world coming to, I thought.

As canines we’re forced to go through the humiliation of continuing education classes. First there’s the good canine citizen certification and basic obedience followed by intermediate and advanced classes. Then there’s the agility training and service dog ‘electives’ to round out a pup’s credentials.

All these requirements just to be a working class dog.

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Escaped Cat Strolls on Live TV Set

I’m an escape artist. Always have been, and I suspect, always will be.

The key to being an expert is to maintain a low profile. For instance when I dig under the fence to get out, I’ll dig a little each time I’m let outside making sure that no one is watching me.  After a few ‘gotta go pee-pee’ adventures outside and I’ve dug a hole big enough to crawl under.

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Cat Evicted from Post Office Home

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…cats are free loaders.

They don’t protect you, they don’t hunt for you and they certainly don’t love you. If you think otherwise, then you’ve been hitting the catnip a bit too hard.

Humans, however, fall for these lying furballs all the time.

It was bad enough I had to read about Dewey, the freakin cat, that made itself at home in a local library. I can live with that, but I can’t live with the fact he made a $1.5MM advance on his book. Makes the advance I got (three medium sized milkbones), seem small by comparison.

Now I see there’s a copy cat (yeah, pun intended) in Alabama. Read more

Miracle On 34th Floor

It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s Under…Cat?

I’ll be the first to tell you, I don’t like heights. I much prefer to have my fuzzy toes touching Mother Earth. In fact, I like to get closer to her chewy center by digging. Of course, the cynical dog out there will think I do it so I can dig out under the fence.  Sure they’re right, but who are they to judge?

Anyway, cats are different, especially a cat called Voodoo living in the land down under.

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Contact Lenses for Cats

“I can see clearly now the rain is gone. I can see all the obstacles in my way.”

You may remember those words from a song sung in an era long gone by, but the words hold true for me today. You see, at my advanced age I have difficulty seeing the squirrels running around. It happens when the sun starts to set, or on rainy days. If only there were an alternative to me having to wear my Buddy Holly glasses.

Well, if you’re a cat, you’re in luck. Check out the details of this unique cat story from the Daily Mail.

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Cat Bites The Hand That Gives It Presents

I’m not ashamed to say it, I love Christmas. Sure there will be those out there in cyberspace that may think it’s politically incorrect to be religion specific, but frankly, this dog doesn’t give a sniff. Not when presents are involved.

I’ll admit that around this time of year I always suck up to the big guy. You know him; he’s the one in really big red pants, red shirt and the funny red hat. I believe it’s the prudent thing to do as I look to add to my toy and food collection.

You know who doesn’t think this way? Cats, that’s who. They’re not bright enough to see you never claw the one that gives you free stuff.

The Metro has all the details of the latest incident. Read more