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Noah’s Ark Recreated – Filled With Plastic Animals

July 19 | 1 Comment

Noah's Ark - Funny Dog BlogNoah’s Ark lives!

To every animal the story of Noah’s Ark holds a certain charm to it. What other ‘tail’ do you know that proactively hooks up animals with each other?

When I hear the story, I put myself in the position of the male dog asked to be a passenger on Noah’s Love Boat. After being served a bowl of water by Isaac (he’s one of the human servants on board), I head back to my cabin. There, a foxy little Wheaton Terrier  awaits my arrival. Our job is simple. To procreate.

I move in to playfully nip at her collar when  . . .  *BAM*, I realize I’m a neutered male.

I don’t even have neuticals for show.

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Educating Donkey Kong

October 19 | 1 Comment

I’ve never been impressed by those who have attended institutions of higher learning.

I say that as a graduate of one of the premier dog academies in the country, Fire Hydrant U.

I know sit, stay and heel. Command me to go pee pee, poopie or stop licking and I’ll do it. I’ll give paw, roll over and bark for anyone who wants.

But what do you expect from a  dog whose IQ is in excess of 12?

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Squirrel Mistakes Toilet For Attic

October 18 | 1 Comment

funny dog blogIt amazes me what scares humans.

Take my old man, for instance. There was a time, right after he graduated college, when he lived with two other guys. They were young, strong, and unafraid of the curveballs life throws at you.  In short, they were naive children, in grown up bodies.

One day, a bat happened to find its way into their humble abode. They sat watching TV when the bat made its appearance. What followed was a scream fest you hear from a pack of six year-olds when you take their lollipops away.

These so called men ran for their lives, and the door, all the while screaming bloody murder at the top of their lungs.

And about what? A tiny little bat.

What ensued was a 12 hour standoff, with the ‘men’ sleeping under blankets while all the windows and doors lay open. To this day, all three have yet to regain their self respect.

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Dog Poop Finds New Home

October 6 | 1 Comment

Funny Dog BlogWe all have to take dumps, right? I mean, what’s the alternative – to hold it in until you’re ‘impacted’ and have to be rushed to the vet for an anal, and intestinal, flush?

That’s why I like taking good, healthy-sized dumps in the back yard.

Of course that usually means a big mess out back, but that’s not my problem.

I always tell my parents if they don’t want me eating it, to bag it before it ripens into a tasty treat. Or, if they don’t want to step in it, to bag it up and send it to its forever home.

I never thought about where my extract goes after I’ve finished processing it, but this story suggests there is a place called poo-heaven. Read more

Cock-A-Doodle-Shhhh

Funny dog blogIf I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it a thousand time, “Bo, be quiet!”

When that doesn’t work, its, “Bo Shut UP!!”

And if that doesn’t do the trick, then its a quick,  “Want a treat?” … which, by the way, always works.

I don’t know why humans are so keen on making animals be unnaturally quiet. I mean, we don’t tell them to shut their pie holes when they go on and on about their mundane lives.

Do I really care that my mother got charged $1 for the side order of special sauce she requested at dinner last night? C’mon honey, get over it and spare my ears.

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Happy Hour Service at Urinal

I’m thirsty.

My bowl is empty and I’m not sure when my parents are planning to fill it up with some good old H two Oh goodness.

During times like these a dog has to take matters into his own paws. Most times I’ll hoist myself up near the cat’s water bowl and drink from it. Unfortunately today, it has cat hair in it and I find that disgusting.

The second alternative is to go outside and look for a puddle or a container with Mother Nature’s rain water in it. Sadly, it’s been drier here  than the South during prohibition.

Which leads me to my last alternative: the toilet bowl.

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Love Knows No Bounds

funny dog blogLove is a crazy thing.It doesn’t care who or what the object of desire is.

For instance, there’s a stuffed animal in our house, it’s a squirrel or maybe a large rat, that my sister Mothball loves to play with. In fact she spends all of her time with it.

I could understand if the stuffing was treat filled but the only thing inside of this abomination is what my parents call”catnip”.

Once Mothball gets a hold of “Roadkill”, that’s my pet name for it, she won’t let go.

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Sheep Special – 50% off

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, cats and dogs, and penguins the world over.

Have you ever noticed that when folks encounter someone handicapped; be it a person in a wheelchair, a bird on a set of crutches, or a dog wearing  coke bottle eyeglasses, they tend to look away. For whatever reason they feel sorry for what they perceive as someone/something that is disadvantaged.

What they fail to realize is that the object of their empathy needs no pity. For who’s to say what mission their soul is on, what lessons they are here on this earth to learn. In fact, what may appear as a handicap to one, may in fact be an advantage to another.

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Crime Fighting Parrot Wants a Cracker

funny dog blogI firmly believe, we all aspire to do great things.

I’ll even include Mothball, the family fat cat, in on that action. Sure her great goal is just to annoy me on a daily basis, but at least she strives to be something better.

For me I’ve always wanted to do good things in law enforcement. I want to head up my own K-9 team to clean up the streets. That’s figuratively speaking, not literally, because let’s face it, no one but a human will pick up dog poop from the street.

I know I’d have achieved my dream already if I only for that damn K-9 cop entrance exam. The whole thing is in German!

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Clean Snakes Are Still Scary

Yesterday, my father dropped my mother off at the airport.It is her annual pilgrimage home, and some time for her to vacation in Maine with her girlfriends.

This is the time of year where my father gets to spend 10 days fending for himself and the army of fur balls he calls his own.

Here it is less than 24 hours later and you can already sense the absence from the home. How you may ask? By simply looking at the counter tops.

Strewn about are four glasses, three peach pits, and a peanut butter laden spoon laying on the dish rag. Don’t even think that anything has been wiped down.

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