Parrots Imitate Dogs – Steal Their Jobs

When it comes to the economy, it’s tough out there.

Many a working dog just can’t find a job these days. Fortunately for me, I’m retired, but of the four other dogs in our house, only one has a job.

Copper is over sixty, so I can see where she’s not employable. She gets a pass. Put her in the category of “stopped looking for a job” and take her out of the official statistics like the government does.

Kensy is educated out the wazoo. He holds a Good Canine Citizen Degree, as well as advanced coursework  in Humiliating Tricks Humans Force Dogs To Perform. In addition to that, he holds a degree in Pet Therapy. Read more

Dog Toots His Own Horn

Damn it’s been hot down here in Georgia lately. I hear the whole east coast hasn’t fared much better.

Thank goodness for air conditioning. Whatever you do, don’t listen to those nutbags that want us to stop using it.

There are times when we do need to leave the comfy confines of our homes, and as dogs we can only hope our owners are careful to monitor our heat index when out and about in the family car.

I probably shouldn’t bark this, but if it’s too hot our owners may want to reconsider taking us. Unless they take us into the pet supermarket, the butcher’s shop or the liquor store, is there a point in even going?

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Bear Fails Pottery Class

We’ve all been caught in embarrassing moments, including me.

I’ve run into a tree, been mounted by a miniature poodle, and caught failing to wash my paws after I peed. They’re momentary transgressions that we all hope will pass into the dustbin of history. Of course that assumes no pictures were taken.

Now I read about a bear, a jug and a tight squeeze…and 0h, a camera.

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One Tired Nelly

I don’t follow the age old adage, “The early dog gets the squirrel.”

I like sleep, especially in the morning. I mean, what’s the point of seeing a sunrise, even if it gets me that coveted squirrel? During the chase, I’d be pining for sleep. Once I catch the rodent (yes they are rodents!) I’d think about how tired I am and let it go. Nothing’s been accomplished except that I’d be more tired than when I started the day.  And that my friends, would cut into my begging time.

So I sleep in instead.

I’m not the only one. My feline sisters Moose and Mothball exhibit the same behavior, as do Copper and Kensy. Goliath? Not so much.

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Einstein Thinks Small

Super size it.

That’s what I tell the old man when it’s chow time. Hey, it takes just as much effort to think small as it does big. Might as well go after the big prize, I say.

Apparently somebody forgot to tell God to do the same when he brought Einstein into this world.

CNM News has the full details on the little guy. Read more

Drunk Moose Passes Out In Tree

My body is a temple.

I choose not to deliberately poison my body, so I just say NO! to alcohol and street drugs.

Of course it helps that I never liked beer, even though my old man does. I remember many moons ago he put some in a bowl and had me give it a go.

After one slurp I knew the stuff wasn’t for me. It was bubbly and bitter. Kind of like Hugh Heffner’s ex-wife after finding out their prenup was enforceable. Read more

New Record Holder for Largest Dog Ears

Hey, is that a banana in your fur suit, or are you just happy to see me?

I love that joke. It’s only second in my repertoire to; How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card.

Alright, I admit it. I love corny jokes. You want some more?

Why does the Pillsbury Doughboy wear an apron? Read more

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Bunny Needs Gamblers Annonymous

You ever notice that a lot of folks love to drink, smoke and gamble? If you don’t think that’s the case, all you need to do is catch a half hour of any show on A/E during prime time.

I admit my family is no different than others and have these issues.

My father is a drinker…of 3 pints of draft beer a week.

My mother is a smoker…of every dinner she’s made this year.

My sister Copper is a gambler…on her farts not killing everyone in the house. Read more

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Hedgehog Too Fat For Log

You ever get into a situation you can’t get out of?

For me it’s usually when I get my head stuck in the bag of cat food my parents leave out. I don’t know if it’s a law of nature, but my head just can’t be pulled from the bag. It’s like a vacuum, more Dyson than Dirt Devil, that magnetizes my head to the little pellets of goodness.

Of course there’s also the figurative situation that are difficult to get out of. Read more

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Parrots Get In On the Identity Theft Game

Whenever I travel I make sure to bring along multiple forms of identification.

In today’s Big Brother society I’m not allowed to go anywhere without my dog tag. Name, phone number and treat preference are easily read by those I let get close to me.

I also have a chip in my body somewhere, and I’m not talking about the potato chip I just took off of the old man’s plate.

No, this one has an identification number on it and cross references me on some list somewhere. As far as I know I’ve managed to stay off of any terrier lists.

I also have my Together Tag in case the need for emergency care presents itself. Truth be told the Together Tag trumps the standard, run of the mill dog tag, but I like to showboat my jewelry…even if it is just tin.

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